It's about 2 am on a Monday.
It's been about a week since my last blog ..
It took alot out of me this week to not just delete my blogs, but they mean alot to alot of different people. I actually really love blogging. When I get a message from one of my lambs about how much they miss my blogs or when I see the feedback, it really makes my heart dance. You have no clue!
Last week, I may have divulged a little too much information regarding my subject and it's co-star. So much that I ended up deleting my post merely 12 hours after posting it. I would never do that normally, but it meant something for me to show the person I was writing about how much I cared for him.
For a week (almost), more like four days, I didn't recieve a call or a text and I began to miss him and really question my stance in the relationship as friends and beauty industry peers. As I made a phone call to my best friend to discuss it, I realized that after three days of her ignored texts and no response to my voice message, she probably was busy, but probably had no interest in answering my texts or talking about the subject matter, so Wednesday night, a teary eyed, red-lidded Josh turned his phone off for a day and half and slept on the situation.
I missed facebook chatter, texts from clients, e-mails, everything!
On Thursday evening, I turned the phone on to a message from Panda.
"Josh. We're ok. Stop!"
Okay, well maybe I went overboard with the stalker-status voicemails and texts.
I checked on my best friend. She said she had been busy with her kids.
I called my rabbi at The Kabbalah Centre and read his updates via e-mail.
"Josh, we're all at a point where we're debating whether to welcome change or accept things as they are. Always beware of the order beneath disorder and understand that sometimes you're exactly where you need to be."
How many times have I preached that very concept on this blog?
As Panda was in NY later this week, he called, he texted, he missed me.
My best friend was disconnected, but responded occasionally.
As I looked at the calendar turn to August and saw six weeks before Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year), I realized...
maybe things are changing for a reason.
Today, I opened my e-mail and Yehuda (my rabbi) wrote, "not all the co-stars are the stars of your movie, Josh. Remember, you are the only one in your own hands."
It all made sense as I talked to my mum over the kitchen table this afternoon after a Starbucks run.."I am the only one in my own hands."
That's why I left my last salon.
That's why I make creative and business decisions for myself.
One thing I've forgotten is applying that principle to my personal life.
Maybe, just maybe, the universe is nudging me to change my cast a little bit or to "re-cast" the order of priority they are.
Maybe, it's time to let Josh be Josh and ignore the cast for a while.
My friends Bri text me and told me after seeing a sad post on Facebook, "don't make someone a priority when they only make you an option."
I got many good morning and amazing texts from clientele that were worried about me and all I can say is thank you to Yvette, Trish, Belinda and Brandy.
And thank you to Panda for calling me from the airport
And thank you to Nasia for telling me the girls are your priority.
...right now, lambs. I think I just realized: Josh is MY priority.
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