Sunday, June 26, 2011

6.06 :: All eyes forward.. who's coming with me?

Good morning lambs!


It's almost 1 am as I type this from, get this, Casa de Cooley. I am sitting at my parents' kitchen table. The house is silent. Everyone is in bed and all that is on are the laptop screen, the light above the kitchen sink and my Blackberry. I'm sipping an organic cane soda and wanted to bring you my blog whilst I was deep in thought back at home.

I ran off to my parents' house Saturday after shutting everything off from the salon and announced via Twitter (and accidentally to a client's cell phone) my plans to "runaway" for the weekend.

As you may know, I feel like I'm on shaky ground with Anthanasia. She hates when I talk about her or write about her, so what I can tell you that is pivotal in my development as a strong solo act and my own man is that Sunday was Jaxton's 2nd birthday and I kindly chose not to attend. I will send a card in the morning with a generous gift card to The Children's Place and call it a day.

I feel as though things are ruined between the pair of us. After seeing the Headlines crew at B Street Bash last week, I announced via this blog that I need to grow the fuck up and stop the drama. I have also made comments publicly that I cannot be around anyone associated with Headlines. As such, I have eliminated the need to make an appearance at children's birthday parties.. even though it's not Jaxton's fault. I feel this is better.

It hurts me to type that. I asked Andrew on Friday night as we split a pizza and caprese salad, "What should I do? What would YOU do?" And in his sincerest, most loving manner, he said, "yeah. I don't know."

As I ellaborated as to what I was going to do it became very clear between us that I knew bowing out was the grown-up choice.

I've been watching alot of "Oprah: Behind the Scenes" and "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" and I'm gonna be honest, I'm much rather be Oprah than someone dramatic who calls attention to himself negatively. So with that in mind, I feel the classiest thing for me to do, is to bow out gracefully. She will probably not understand and hold it against me and if so, then so be it.

I can't allow someone or an organization to taint my brain and the thoughts in them. Not just for drama's sake, but more so, because this morning via Twitter, I announced the name of my salon. My salon will be named ROCKSTARS + LAMBS. I will begin work next month and would like to open sometime in May, June or July 2012. My parents are fully on board and the project is going to be funded primarily by me. Joshua Ryan, Inc is in full swing!


Don't expect a location or anything yet! I have a month-by-month breakdown of what has to happen first!

I not only left my life downtown for the last two days to get away from the temptation of showing up at Jax's b-day, but also to map out 8 months of progress and goals for forming ROCKSTARS + LAMBS.

I am the son of two very powerful business people. Both of whom are accoladed in their industries as am I in hairdressing, writing and speaking. With my parents behind me and with their support, I will become a brand. I don't have time for haters or building bridges with the past. If anyone wants back on this ride, they're gonna have to come to me with open arms and all agenda aside. I don't care to discuss he said-she said. Fuck it. It's time to be my own man.

I have my mum and dad. I have my clients. I have Andrew and my friends Lisa and Michelle and I'm off... who's coming with me?

BTW, leave the past at home. I'm not discussing it.

All eyes forward, lambs... I'm a Rockstar!
Joshy

Monday, June 20, 2011

6.05 :: I'm grounded... and growing up.

Good evening lambs!
It's our favourite haute mess coming to you from right here at Studio JRy. I'm sipping the restof a Heineken and preparing for my week.
For once, I had a day off and did almost nothing today. Well, I did do something: I took care of me. I had a facial, a manicure, a tan and tomorrow morning, I'm to greet my day with a major work out. I'm at the end of my day which involved catching up on DVRed shows and working on my book. Yep, my book.
My started righting my book about two years ago and then situations happened with me and Headlines and then I wanted to write-in Panda as a character in the book and basically butchered my own book. It was not along the creativity that I exude or the integrity.
So, I went through files and jumpdrives and meditated heavily on Sunday and decided to re-write a concept of my book. In this case, there is no working title yet. It's just "the book".
This last week was incredibly busy (of course) and I dropped an ad campaign that hit 50,000 homes in the area once again and keeping up with the requests was tough. Not just requests, but the e-mails and phone calls have gotten unbearable, which brings me to announce to you officially that I will announce the name of the salon and start OFFICIALLY registering a salonspace within the next few months. My estimated time needed is 8-12 months of growth and moving and a campaign that rivals anything I've done.
I leaked this information offficially on Twitter last week and then announced it to my exclusive group of VIP Clients and then virally on Facebook. Publicly, people would see me and ask me "What's the name?"
"When do you open?"
"Got a location?"
Between those questions a massive week, I went out to eat majorly last week and filled in my date book. This has put into perspective the need for me to 'lay-low' this week publicly... lol. I made a vow to just chill at home and then about 2 hours later got a text from my good friend Lisa about going out for dinner on Wednesday for a mutual friends' birthday. How can I say "no"? I adore miss Lisa.
Also, with the week being super active, I took the opportunity to pal around with a client on Friday night which lead us to many different locations. One of them being the dreaded B Street Bash that I do not attend due to always finding a conflict!
I agreed to go to B Street and then off I went for about five minutes with my friend and low and behold, there was a Tish and the the entire Headlines crew. I knew that I should not have been out that night! ESPECIALLY because this always seems to find me.
I went over.
I said hi to Tish.
HISTORY LESSION: I will always say hi to Tish because she gave me my opportunity in this business. How could I snub the woman that brought me into this industry? I can't!
I went over and said hi. She hugged me like she missed me and I the same. Immediately, the quetions and firing squad hit me... "Why are you taking about my mom?" her sister said. "What happened between you and Nasia?" "Why are you talking shit about us?" "Why can't we all get along?"
Then the comment, "you can't bash someone to make yourself look better."
I turned around and defended myself and said, "it has been a tough year emotionally. I did alot of wrongs and alot of rights and I own them! I'm not running. We've all said stuff in anger."
It was true.
I have agreed to just let this situation be what it is: drama.
I went to talk to one of the girls and give her a hug and she scooted away and said, "I don't want to talk to you. You make us look bad. You ran your mouth."
I said abubtly, "YOU RAN YOURS!!"
She shared with me that when I talk about someone there it makes them all look bad. Yep, I know.
I know that. No denying. I know what I'm doing and how to use my persona.
Also, she pointed out that a client of mine and online friend had been sharing blogs, twitter messages and Facebook posts with her about what I've said.
I was floored when she said who it was.
I also accepted that if I am a so-called 'public personality' that those kind of things are going to happen.
I'm not about denying what I said, nor do I intend to say sorry for something I don't need to apologize for. The end of this encounter finished when she left me and rolled her eyes. Another bites the dust. Fuck it.
As I turned around, I hear "Joshua!"
Guess who it was?
It was Nasia.
We hugged and I wanted to cry. "I miss you, darling. I miss you alot. But I'm over the drama between you and I. It's bullshit, dude!"
She agreed and we talked about what was said the night I ran into the girls. As I was taking to Nasia, one of the Headlines girls interrupted and I just glared at her. She was at the bar the night I saw her. She was one of the three that ran her mouth!
She says, "I don't like the way you're looking at me. What?"
I said, "you ran your trap, J!"
She got really upset and immediately through the new guy under the bus. "HE said that to Nasia. I didn't even talk to her. But you said she was over us. It was so fucking rude of you, Josh."
"No it rude of you to run your mouth as a threesome the next day" I said.
"But I'm over that... if you said he ran his... where is HE?"
I look over and New Stylist (as he'll be referred) was there. I said, "why are you running your trap? You broke me and Nasia up again?! Do you need a sense of approval from her because I have YEARS invested in her!!"
He rolled his eyes and ignored me and I started to talk to Tish. She asked for no drama..
He rolled his eyes again and started taking to Nasia about me.
I turned around and yelled, "I'm really over your fucking mouth!"
He says, "why do you talk shit about me and you don't know me?"
I said, "why did you run your face?"
He didn't answer.
I go, "you're fucking jealous because you've done hair longer than I have and you're NOT successful. You try so hard to be liked and you have a reputation for talking about your own friends! How dare you use my friends against me!??!"
He said, "I love my salon, Josh. You seem unhappy and angry still."
Did he have a point, oh yeah. Did I want him to run his face? Absolutely not.
"you look real stupid right now, " I said. Continued, "I'm not about you. You don't exist... you're trying too hard and I will not have it."
I walked out of B Street Bash and went home.
I turned my phone off and the next day had two voicemails from Tish and some messages from Tish and Nasia. Tish had wanted me to stay and did not want any of this to happen. They had both spent the evening calming New Stylist down.
The next night, feeling really low for using my ego, I went out alone and it did not go well. I was having fun with a bunch of friends and got mouthy...
That's when I realized. My ego is o.o.c. (out of control).
With the salon opening in a year, a book in the works, and people knowing who I am publicly, I need to chill out. I need to get rest, eat right and stay home. At least this week.
I realized this week that I do not take out my stress against people during the day, but when I'm alone. It should never happen. I decided I needed to ground myself. So, I am going to take my time this week and focus all of the energy I put into negativity and drinking into a time-consuming investment that is either neutral or productive. The two involve working on my book and catching up on DVRed shows. HAHA. Ones's productive and one's neutral. Either way, I'm over the Headlines deal. It's become a circus act everytime I'm around them.
Sometimes, when we grow up we call this a break, and sometimes when we act immaturely, we call this growing up.
-xoxo.
JRy

Sunday, June 5, 2011

6.04 :: The Butterfly Effect in a "Sorry".

Good evening lambs,


It's a clear June night and almost midnight as I type this sipping a black cup of coffee after fleeing my parents' house this evening: that situation has rarely ever presented itself.

They were not fighting.



They were not rude.

They were not welcoming, either though.



In a time when I should enjoy my Sunday with my most trusted confidante, my mum, she was blitzed-tired and ready to sleep. My Guela was also there and my dad talking to my Guela. My sister went downstairs to the family room to watch TV and I was left on the couch to text to well, no one.

I for once felt incrdibly overshadowed by my family.



The most amazing situation presented itself ealier in the day when my uncle Jay came over and removed porn viruses from my laptops. Yes, you read that right! Porn viruses... I was a naughty boy for once and got caught in the act by cyberspace and have been without laptop for a week. Can you imagine?



Reliving comedy with Jay this afternoon reminded me of him living with us when I grew up and him moving to Pueblo with us and my house being warm and welcoming and when he left Studio J Ry today, I went to Casa de Cooley and the above scenario presented itself.



There was no warmth today, just a tired feeling. I literally spent less than 45 minutes in my old home and left. That NEVER happens and funny part was, it seemed as if no one gave a shit.



For me, I realized that the energy of "home" travels with me. If I'm at the salon, I try to bring that familiar warmth to my guest, if at Studio J Ry alone or entertaining, I bring the warmth for others. When I revisit Casa de Cooley, my parents' estate, it comes in with me... it also... unfortunately, must leave with me.



A situation presented itself at 3am this morning between Andrew and I. We had a miscommunication with a mutual friend that did not know me and contacted me. Me, in my sarcasam, misinformed the friend of Andrew's whereabouts and some might say, disclosed too much information. At 2am, I read Andrew's post on Facebook and he mentioned he was up and couldn't sleep, I posted "why".



I recieved a call..



I answered, "what's the matter?"



"YOU!" he said.



"Me?"



"Why are you talking about me? You have no business talking about me."



Long story short, Andrew expressed his distain for the situation and said the words, "And you're not even sorry, are you?"



Lambs, I rarely am.



My goal is to never make a friend upset, but it's like whoever talks to me that is mutual tells my friends another story and then, my friends call defensive... it's such a butterfly effect with me that at the end of most days, I'm very lonely.



The result of this 3am phone call was a "Coolness" between the pair of us and the understanding that Andrew does not live as public as I do. He does not like to be talked about.



I generally only talk about how awesome he is and how he's become a saviour to me when most friends have left me. He's been a standing force for the last couple years and he still is. This was the first real conflict we ever had and I don't wish to relive it. We are two strong personalities and I, in this case, did a bad. So, when I said I was sorry to him humbly, I was.



I was however miffed at the the little troll that ran his mouth to Andrew. That's never cool! I hate backstabbers... especially when it's someone that doesn't know me well.



So, to Andrew (if he's reading) I'm sorry for once. And to my family, I'm sorry for leaving today, but my warmth was on the fritz and did not travel well with me today.



For once, I felt ultimate loneliness at the thought of losing Andrew. I saw Jay today and saw what connection I had been missing for these past few years and when I was with my family, I thought, "What if I wasn't around as much, would they miss me like I'd miss Andrew and Jay?"



I miss Nasia. I have to admit though, I'm not in the mood for the drama or reconciling yet and it's eating a hole into my patience and friendships and family.



I wish she understood the butterfly effect and how it took one phone call, one accusatory text to end up as this lonely little blog where I reflect about someone not saying "Sorry".



So, for all of you like me that dont' say sorry... make it a point to get humble and say so, you'll lose alot of great people if you don't.



-Josh