Monday, November 29, 2010

4.13 :: A story about 2011 and my co-pilot.


Good evening my dear lambs,


How are you?


OR should I say, "Happy Holidays!"


So, coming off of Thanksgiving weekend, I want to clarify something: I did not shop. Nope. Not one red cent on Black Friday from me, no way!


Is it sad to say that I was not impressed with anything?


Not at all.


I opened the sales papers on Turkey Day eve and could not find something worth pushing men and elbowing old women for.


So, as any Turkey Day in the past, I assumed the role as my mum's co-pilot in the kitchen and chatted up my Guela (grandma).


Thanksgiving became a day of chillaxing for me and my mum's house. As I took to the table and served my plate, I noticed my dad's eyes gaze to my plate: small portions, no marshmallows, no potatoes, a decent amount of stuffing. Very little meat. I sensed kind of a sense of loss from him. Like I've changed. Fact is, I've always been that person that doesn't eat meat or pork products (ie meats, gelatin, marshmallows included) or root vegetables. He just noticed it because I've been gone for a few months now.


I've dropped a good 20 lbs, am talking to Nasia again like we were just meeting and have so many social obligations and an ad campaign and marketing that people only dream of. Right now (as I told my uncle over FB Chat tonight) Life is pretty amazing...


As the holiday weekend passed, I found myself loving the distance from the salon for a minute. I made an appearance at a party on Friday night, a cosmetic event on Sunday (both with my mum as my date) and have been chatting up Nasia.


We're meeting for breakfast tomorrow at Studio J Ry before I tackle the day...


I thought to myself, "6 months ago, I was not this person."


I had no control of my life.

Headlines ran me.

I ran Headlines.

It was a vicious cycle.

Leon was a toxic wasteland.

I was in jeopardy with Nasia.

My clientele was being filtered to others by the owner of HLines...


No, six months later... It evident: I took back my life!


and...


I have a fashion column, have become a predominant public figure on the web and locally, and have achieved a success 4x over what I had at a large salon.


As I took time to slow down and breath this weekend and all November, I thought, "What if I too k a breather from my blog?"


Like, a month?


and just start new in January?


The reason I say that is.... 2011 is the year about building the hype about Joshua Ryan, Inc as a salon, a brand and a personality before I open sometime in 2012.


Right now, I can share with you: I want to live past five issue of PULP, go mass marketing featuring myself even more than I have, work on an at installation for open in Summer 2011 and build my dream with my mum as my co-pilot.


As of 2011, she will assume financial management of Joshua Ryan, Inc and I'll take over creative control to form a brand.


Tomorrow, I just want a good old best friend time with my best friend and to see Jax.


I want this now because next year, I want to hire a part-time assistant, pursue educating for an new brand and basically become Rachel Zoe-Carrie Bradshaw of Pueblo.


On Saturday morning, I received an e-mail from Farouk Systems that my contract with them will be terminated by January 1, 2011... I also have been in talks with a major competitor to possibly start education with them in 2011. I think word got out.


As of now, I have to response except that, I will chase the opportunity that offers me more in terms of recognitio nand exposure.


In 2011, look out! I'm gonna brand myself, I'm gonna travel, I'm gonna maintain my current clientele, submit the book (FINALLY) and create a team..


All of this came to me as I chopped onions for stuffing with my mum. I have been her co-pilot for so long... I think it's time to give back and make her my co-pilot professionally.


So, as I look back at my dad staring at my Thanksgiving plate, I think:


don't look at my plate as have empty because it's about to get full very very quick!


Happy Holidays! Here's to 2011.

Joshua Ryan


Monday, November 22, 2010

4.12 :: A story about vague wierdness and activating my Garbo gene

Hello my dear lambs,

How are you?

It's about 2am on Monday morning and I'm sitting in my office at Studio J Ry sipping a cup of coffee and contemplating resting and meditating and waking up to do it all over again tomorrow.

Alot of craziness has gone on in terms of people. I have recieved a couple phone calls from Panda, a couple texts and phone calls from Tish and have had some unexpected moments of just wanted to "lay low" for once.

As you may be aware, there has been a constant "wanting" from Panda to contact me lately. I said I never wanted to talk to him again and have ignored phonecalls and texts. Or they've been very plain and vague like, "thank you" and "fine".

Well, my curiosity was shot on Thursday evening as my phone rang close to midnight again... He always used to call me about 11 or 11:30 when we were hanging out heavy... I didn't answer. Instead of it all being over, he left a voice mail...

A part of me said, "Wait til morning."

The anxious part of me said, "check it."

So, like a child waiting for Santa, I snuck outta my office and dialed in to voicemail.

----"Hey Rockstar! It's Leon! Call me."

hmmm....... give in to temptation?

Yep!

So, I called back.

I have to tell you, I wanted so much from the conversation... I wanted to like talking to him again, I wanted to feel the same feelings I felt before... but after all this, I couldn't.

I sat very still and answered very vague, just like my text messages...

"uh huh."

"yeah"

"fine."

"oh yeah. yeah. that's great."

"oh uh huh."

Not me at all.

It clued into me .... I was NEVER myself with him.

Just like this phone call. And as hurt as I was after the fact, is the way I felt for 15 minutes of listening to him boast about himself.

He ended our jilted conversation with, "I'd like to have you over... you're always welcome..."

Really? I thought.

"I want you to meet [my girlfriend]"

REALLY??!?!?!?!?

No Fucking way...

That invite was just plain wierd.

In all my illustrious vocab, all I can tell you is wierd. The feeling, the invite, the phone call, the intent behind the phone call: wierd.

I was hoping for a welcoming feeling inside and all I was left with was showing him and the rest of the Headlines crew how much I do not need them or any contact at all.

That's right . Not at all.

And with that... I shut off my phone and turned out the lights.

Alot like my many absences at local events, I've turned out the lights... it's time to lay low for a minute and come back with blinkers and LEDs...

With winter upon us and the constant harrasment fom the HLines group, I'm ready to go incognito and only have people over...

I'd rather not go out.

In the words of Greta Garbo, "I want to be alone."

xoxo.
Josh

Monday, November 15, 2010

4.11 :: A story about working yourself sick...

Tick
Tick

Tick

Tick

Tick

Tick

Tick tick..

tick..

...tick....tick..tick....ck.ck....ck..k--- BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Dear lambs,


Yes, boom!


I am not talking about my career or income. Those are figured to be booming even in my times of sickness and yes, that is what, indeed, happened.


Sickness last week.


The last couple weeks, I've cancelled appearances, public events, etc and have felt overly dizzy and the sense of nausea and on Thursday night, my world came crashing down when I stopped talking to a client I rushed through to pardon myself in just even time to barf in the backroom of the salon.


Sad face here, please.


I got myself together, tears in my eyes still. Super glazed and pale-faced and told Jules, "I need help Jules..."


She was soooooo sad for me, had no clue what to do, "babe! What's wrong?!"


I went back up and checked out my client completely embarrassed.


She said, "I'm a mom... Josh, take care of yourself... btw, I never would have known you were sick..."


Saddest part: neither did I.


That afternoon, my favourite fashionista and I had gone to lunch and I had been feeling sick and rushed all week, we went and came back and felt like I had no time to talk and rushed her out. As she left, I dismissed myself down the street to studio J Ry and felt my head, dizzy... walking up the stairs and holding on tightly I felt like I may faint...


I got into my living and sweat the coldest sweat ever.


I dazed at the clock, I had 15 minutes til my next guest... I got up, dabbed myself with a tissue and walked back down to the salon.... as the time grew close to cutting, I felt warmer and warmer and dizzier and dizzier...


I walked outside. It was FREEZING outside, but I felt warm still..


My guest was here.


I rushed through this poor woman's haircut and the scene above followed...


After she had left, I rushed out of the salon, not even taking most of my belongings... Jules said she'd clean up and told me she was worried..


I ran up the stairs and threw up all over my bathroom- mortified and in tears, I cleaned everything up and ran a shower... as I stood in the shower, a flood of ungodly you-know-what came out onto the shower floor.


What the hell was happening?


Now, I HAD TO clean the tub.


As I cleaned the tub and finished, I ran a bath...


Everytime I'm sick, I want to lay in the bath in my eyemask and blank out the world...


I got in the tub and felt sick again, another flood of sickness... this time... rather contained...


I lifted my head to hear a banging at my door.


Thinking it may be Jules following me, I ran to my door wrapped with only a towel, it was my landlord!


She was yelling, "JOSH!! THERE'S A HUGE LEAK!!"


I opened the door and played off, "sorry, you caught me in the shower..."


She apologized and told me, "well, I'll let you get something on and want you to come see this..."


I ran in, still nauseated and cleaned up any traces of being sick or clothes on the ground within two minutes.


As I opene the door, still putting a shirt on, she came to my bathroom and asked if I had noticed a leak, "no, I said..."


"I just got home, I've been rather tired and thought I'd run a bath to relax."


She said, "Well, use your other bathroom in the meantime... this may have a leak."


So, I excused her and she said she'd arrange for a plumber to visit Monday.


As she left... I felt sick again...


How was it that I could contain the urge to vomit in front of people?


Not only in front of clients and co-workers, but not general public like my landlord?


The next two days I stayed in and cancelled all appointments, all appearances, all public events...


A wave of love rushed over me from the internet, phone call and cell phone..


I still felt like shit.


As my mum came over both Friday and Saturday night, we ordered movies on demand and talked. She brought me Vitamin Water and animal crackers and talked to me...


"Do you have the flu?"


-Maybe, I said.


"or do you think your body's telling you something?"


-oh, god, mom!! f--k no!, I replied.


"Josh... maybe it's time to breathe again... you'll always be popular. You'll always be busy. Stop worrying yourself sick."


As Sunday morning came and I felt better... I had no desire for food or coffee, but more so for a cocktail with my mum and, lambs, that's exactly what I did..


I took no phone calls, no texts, not an e-mail, no Facebook -- here's my thing -- cocktails three days later????


Was I sick with a flu or have I worked myself sick????


Whatever you or I come to as our conclusions, one thing I know is mama's save the day... and maybe, just maybe, mama DOES know best.


xoxo.

Josh

Monday, November 8, 2010

4.10 :: A story about the best solo act..

Good morning lambs,

It's a Monday morning and I'm sitting on my red couch at Studio J Ry sipping a cup of coffee. I'm contemplating getting ready...


So, I'm trying to think of what's new in the world of Josh and well, I think that overall, the newest greatest thing is the column and finding time for myself. I'm currently finishing the specs on a new column for my next PULP contribution (can't tell you what it's about) and examining a reciept showcasing all the holiday client gifts I purchased yesterday.


Yesterday, there was a huge sale at my distributor in honour of the honing holiday season... I went in saying, "I don't think I need anything" and came back out with well, alot.


I mostly focused on client gifts. Moreso for the fact that I totally adore my clients. Honestly, they've been there for me more this year than any other year. They never let me sink! They proved everyone wrong and I have them to thank for my increasing pre-books and record-breaking sales. They've allowed me to move up and out into a new studio, make bigger investments, and eventually will probably pay for my salon.


The salon talks are getting more and more serious and my mum and I talk about what costs what, what location is best and what the absolute timeline is like for opening. I'm still on a 2012 opening date in my head, my my says "That's soon, you know that, right?"


And yes, I do know that...


I guess overall, with all of these amazing things in mind, I have also counteracted alot of my public appearances with alot of personal time when it comes to staying in at night and taking time to have one-on-ones with my mum.


I had a series of events to attend last week and is it fair enough to say that I cancelled at least two of them? I have just hit a point where I have overcommitted my time and want nothing more, but to lay on the couch and watch tv or Facebook. I don't ever want to lose grasp of who I am..


Last week, I also re-united with my Nasia for an event and it felt just like old-times... except that my old times turned into a different energy at the end. Instead of hanging around and talking... I came home, changed and met friends for dinner. My very pregnant friend and I have hit a "comfort" level in our relationsip: we don't have to constantly be around each other ot know that we're in sync. We established that years ago and as much as I miss seeing her daily, I see how important her kids and family are to her and as the months have gone by and the Headlines drama has drummed down a few notches, I notice that my mum and friends and clientele mean the most to me.


I always talk about operating without a best friend and maybe, just maybe, lambs, that's where I need to be: a solo act that makes appearances or chooses to seclude myself in the Madonna style of recent years. Maybe I'll ony come out to play when I choose and when I do, I'll still be the best, the latest greatest, an icon...


Yeah, icon.


That's the best solo act.


xoxo.

Josh

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

4.09: A story about my documentary ...

Good morning lambs!

It's a little past midnight on a Thursday and I'm sipping coconut water and watching a documentary on Spain. Lately, my television has been tuned to documentaries. If not about Andy Warhol and his factory people, then about Spain or gospel singer Mahalia Jackson. Yes, all of those subjects certainly thrill me.


A part of me wonders what a documentary about me would look like. What would people think of me? Would would the director try to convey? Do I have a message? Do I live passionately enough to be cinematic? I think I do.


I think that's why I strive for a reality series and this "ultimate" lifestyle. My life has always been made public by mostly me and the "buzz" being heard between conversation with myself and others and the buzz generated by yours truly through the use of blogging, twittering, writing, making public appearances, etc.


On Monday, my first column for PULP Magazine came out. The name of the column- "Haute Mess" debuted and it was a very humble shock for me. I actually didn't know the column would be out that day, I was told by a client that works at the coffeeshop next door. She told me, "I loved it!"


I was so happy to hear that people were reading it and as I prepare my essays for the next few, I am only more excited to see what PULP will print next.


Besides PULP, tomorrow I have a benefit fashion show that I'm styling with the-one-and-only Nasia. I can't tell you the warmth I feel on the inside knowing I'm going to work with my favourite girl once again. Tonight, I spoke to her on the phone and let her know that I hired an assistant for her and me to share. She was like, "Wow... you rock. How is it that you were able to arrange that?"


I quickly replied, "I'm an excellent networker."


Do you think if I had a documentary, I would show people how to network? Does networking make me look sincere or spread too thin like I'm looking for a perk? I hope it looks sincere. I hope you all find me sincer.


In the documentary of my life: I want to be known as passionte. Passionate about my life, the cuases I support, the art and relationships I create and sustain and overall, for being public, but for also being likeable.


Tomorrow, I want to be known as likeable, not a diva, and not public, just Josh working with my Nasia like the day and mentoring Jennie, the assistant and hoping for the perfect storyline to the continuing documentary of my life.


Hearts lambs! and thank you for "Watching" me all this time.


and thank you to those watching "over" me as if they were my guardian angels.


xoxo.

Josh