Monday, May 31, 2010

1.13 - A story about two years later..

Good morning lambs!
It's about 1:30 on Tuesday morning and I'm sipping a cup of Dunkin' Donuts coffee over my laptop at Casa de Cooley. So, get this, yesterday morning around 3 am, I wrote the entire blog entry I was about to post and as I went to hit "save", I hit "delete" in it's place.
Not cool at all.
I guess that means that as good as the blog was, it wasn't meant to be. And as I began to think, in frustration, and then in silence and after a couple of breaths, maybe, just maybe, it was a good call that I hit delete. Yes, I believe it was a Divine intervention, if you will, as not to satire my life more than I needed to or to trangress against one particular person, so, that is that.
So, what I wanted to start off with was to tell you, I went out Sunday evening with my mum and saw the second installment of "Sex and the City" and (of course) I loved it. And of course I identified with none other than the Divine Carrie herself.
What a narrator!
What a character!

How does one fictional entity become so relateable to so many across not only New York City, but across this country and across the world? Candace Bushnell could not have seen that wave of success coming from a small press paperback first published in 1996. (I was 12, btw) -- what did I know about sex?
The movie is so funny as it takes place with Carrie saying, "two years have passed".
What's funny is that exactly two years ago in May when the original movie came out, my best friend, Nasia and I had ventured out for a day of cocktails and 'Sex..'
I think about me and her two years ago and it's funny how we have changed so much like the characters in the movie.
She was in a downward spiral of a relationship (actually in the middle of throwing her boyfriend out at the time) and was just beside herself: though she loved the man. I hated him. He was so into his work and personally I felt he was so verbally abusive to Nasia. Always telling her she wasn't giving 100%, when the M.F. himself didn't invest any love or validation into their four-year fling.
I was, at the time, spending lots of my time with Nasia and still establishing a clientele and was doing educational work for American Crew in Denver. What a long way we've come in two years.
Two years ago: me and Nasia texted constantly- in the car, at each other's houses, at the salon. I had no problem helping her with her clients or establishing the fact that I was not a completely booked artist. I also wore zero eyeliner at the time.
Now, "two years have passed" (excuse my inner Carrie), Nasia is happily married to a man that loves her and gave birth to my godson Jaxton who will be having a first birthday this month! She's not in the salon 100% anymore, but is one hell of a mama!
I, on the other hand, have exploded, dubbed myself a "Rockstar Stylist", began doing educational work for CHI and am busier than ever finishing up my manuscript this month and have a few new additions to my life: I have Panda, for one. Who is my shining star and #1 validator, my biggest fan and someone I love with all my heart and have all my salon lambs, my website, twitter, a whole online community and a few new projects in the works. All this work!
Where is my Nasia? Where is what we had two years ago? (you'll see where I'm going with this)
So, in the movie, Charlotte and Carrie have a very under-rated tension between the two of the them. Charlotte is obviously overwhelmed at home with two kids and Carrie, after the release of a new book about marriage is at a point with Big where things look a little, shall we say, stale.
Big suggests to Carrie he take two days away a week as a break from Carrie after she explodes and runs off to her old apartment to work on her freelance work for Vogue. Charlotte looks at this as a sign of a "bad marriage".

As I saw the tension grow between what Charlotte views as marriage and Carrie views as a good marriage, I saw the parrallel between Nasia and I now (two years later).

I often run home to Casa de Cooley three to four days a week when I'm not spending time 'living the dream' with Panda in his downtown loft. I saw the same parallel of Big proposing break time to Carrie as Panda did a few weeks back when my life was too much to handle and said, "I need my space".

In the end, Carrie and Big are always going to be Carrie and Big and Big always saves the day as the bigger man just as Panda saves the day for me- all the time.

Charlotte and Carrie have a slightly hurtful moment between the two of them when Carrie snaps, "you just don't get it" or simply looks down in discord at Charlotte's opinion of her. I do the same alot when Nasia voices an opinion of me.

The main thing in the movie is seeing how each character has aged physically and internally. Miranda quits her high-demand, no-validation job and is FUN for a change. Samantha is battling menopause, but the same fiesty Samantha, but Carrie has a little bit of an "air" about her.

She defenitely has changed from the girl that we grew to love in the dirty apartment overlooking an empty New York street. Carrie is very CB2 or Giada DeLaurentiis with a little money and Big in her pocket.

I saw her and saw a huge portrait of me. I've been accused of acting strange lately or changing or acting "different" than I used to and realized, yes. Everthing Panda has told me about ego and space is true. Everything Nasia told me about changing is true and everything all my friends have said about me being overwhelming- yes, that's true too.

I saw Carrie's change and Carrie's progression in myself and saw Big and Charlotte as Panda and Nasia. Although, I'm not romantically involved with Panda, the characterization of him as my rock and foundation in my life now speak volumes. He's the "night in shining army", if you will, and the ever-strong, ever going business man on top of his game and very well put together and set in his ways.

Today, I went shopping for Panda's birthday. Today, is in fact, his birthday and I have a small, exclusive party planned for him on Saturday evening. Just cocktails and close friends. He means so much to me and as I look at him as a huge part of my "sequel" (two years later), I realize how important he and Nasia are to me and how they will never ever ever leave my story.

Nasia is expecting baby number four this December (she announced last month) and I'm planning Jaxton's first birthday with her and even talking baby names for the new addition to my life.

I think to myself as a changing Carrie, yeah, I've changed, but we all have.

I think it's for the better. I think it makes a great story and I know deep in my heart a story full of these above listed invididuals is all I've ever wanted and that even though Carrie had an attitude and was a little Divalicious in this film, her friends never gave up on her. Big never gave up on her and they certainly NEVER gave up on each other.

So, with that, lambs, I leave you with this quote I saw on Facebook a couple days back (when I deleted the original blog):

'Never give up on something or someone that you cant go a day with out thinking about'


That's Nasia.
That's Panda.
That's my career.
That's all of you reading.
And that is certainly, me.

xoxo -- happy birthday panda.

joshy.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

1.12 - A story about platinum living and it's aftermath..

Hello my lambs!

How are you? It's roughly 2am on Thursday morning and I'm sitting up in my family's home. Everyone is either out of town or ignoring my phone calls. --haha. Well, at least, I think they're ignoring my phone calls.


It's been a week since my crazy ordeal last Thursday and all I can say is that things between my friends and I are crazy. Both are very busy with their own lives, but all of us have somehow kept distance from each other. Not fun.


I talked to Panda a couple times this evening who hasn't felt well recently and took some time to visit him mum out of town. Panda's birthday is coming up on Tuesday and as I find myself excited, I find him not as excited. I asked him, "what do you want for your birthday? I want to plan something extra special!"


He replied, "Josh, I'm just thank ful for my family, friends and to be alive."


I'm like, "but of course, you want something, right?!?"


At the end of the day, I see how humble this individual is and realize why I'm so blessed to have him around. I also see, after all the talk of he and I spending time together why people are so rude in their judgements with me lately as well. Is it funny to say that I feel alot of jealousy from peers recently?


For a while now.


But jealousy is defenitely the word.


The other night as I tried to talk with a close friend about my harassment and hate crime situation, she angrily snapped and replied, "how foolish, babe."


Foolish?


"I think you're burning all your bridges with your friends and associates. No one would want to do business with a trouble maker or troubled-person like yourself."


That was the first time I'd ever been labled either and, truly, it made alot of sense to me why she'd say that and after a few seconds I became very offended that the fact that my friend just passed judgement on me and basically through that comment washed her hands of me.


It was depressing.

It was incredibly un-inspiring.


As I thought about it on they way home that night, I though to myself about Panda and Andrew and how they both were there the evening of my altercation and how Panda stood up for me and has been shunned due to the fact by a couple peers and how Andrew was harmless in the situation and just kept asking me, "what's the matter?" and told me not to worry.


Alot of this has surged through my brain as I've seen clients, read your Facebook messages, tweets, e-mails, etc asking about my safety and expressing your amazing sentiments at this time. All of these things have influenced he direction of my manuscript in which I'm more than half-way through and writing chapters about the person about and my own best friend and having to re-evaluate there roles now versus when I first got into the industry: which is what "Pretty Boy Education" is all about.


The book, although, not complete, is rounding out nicely and with a schedule set for completing the draft and submitting it in September, I find myself wanting to write the sequel and planning the sequel of my life after this book is being passed around the editing table at the publisher's office.


I found out alot about myself re-reading my book thusfar and making edits. From someone who has been at the bottom and worked my way up and been through personal drama and stilll grew my business: it's lonely on the top. Classic line. But true.


As I make way to (hopefully) recieve my either (yes, eighth!) Platinum certification this month, I realize all those records don't count for all the friends and associates that have left me through the time of building my business, but for every one of those eight records, I can certainly name someone special at that time in my life...


So, I ask myself this: is it okay to take a break from multi-Platinum status and work on being Josh and work on all my projects or do I keep investing in this lifestyle that fuels the rumour mill and creates envy?


Lots on the brain this week, lambs. Stay tuned for next week.

xoxo.

Josh


Shout outs:

thank you to Leon for being my rock.

thank you to Brandy, Karleen and Trish for your amazing e-mails.

thank you to Cyndi for coming all the way from Nebraska to see me.

thank you to Franny for your undying love.

thank you to Colleen for listening.

thank you to Michelle for making me feel special always and rocking it 60s style.

thank you to Brandy #2 for your new friendship and witty comments

thank you to Rickie for "liking" all my Facebook posts.

and thank you to Andrew, for your silent face and undying kindness.


peace-

Joshua Ryan

Sunday, May 23, 2010

1.11 - A story about hate and acceptance.

Greeting lambs!

It's almost 1 am on Monday morning and I just realized I totally forgot to blog mid-week. This week was another incredibly busy week for the talents of yours truly as well as many happening between my friends and I and another week of making us aware, well, making ME aware of my treatement of others and how I act and what adjustments I need to make to better evolve into the person I want to be one day.

So, this last week, I definitely, had a moment of learning when to shut the eff up. Truly. I was incredibly tired and shut down when I was talking to Panda. I made his so angry, we barely talked all night and went our separate ways. The next morning, we talked like normal and I enjoyed lunch with a Rockstar client of mine and her entourage that included two amazing friends and her incredible daughter.

I haven't had so much fun being "Josh" recently, but Brandy totally reactivated why I love people and why I love people with integrity, sincerity and compassion in their hearts.

That evening as I settled in at my famliy's home and took a break from being downtown Josh in home #3 (more on that in later blogs), I recieved a call from my friend Andrew, he wanted to go out, but much later. I was totally down for that and figured that my mood swings around Panda are maybe tested by the fact that I spread myself too thin. So, the change in company was something I thought about for a minute, but after a wonderful sushi dinner with my family, I cam home and began to get ready for the evening with Andrew.

As I got essembled, Panda called me.

"Are you coming over tonight?"

"No" I replied.

He was dissapointed, I could tell. He had already called me during dinner and I took his phone call and was super happy to hear from him. As I listened to his phone call and began to speak, he said, "Josh...please."

Please, what? I thought.

"Please just listen..."

The next twenty-five minutes were a wonderful praising of who I am as a person and why he values me. He also stressed the fact that there is a BUT.... in most sentences.

And what does BUT mean?

(it's some trivia from some of you, I'm sure)

BUT signifies room for improvement.

Yes. I need to improve. Truly.

Ego has got to go! For sure. My way of talking to people needs to improve. I agree. I am a brilliant artist and designer behind the chair with a fierce personality, but sometimes it takes me overboard, that's totally, not cool.

That evening I went out with Andrew, alot of bad things happened. I valued my time with Andrew, but the vibe was different at the bar. Alot of staring, alot of remarks, alot of leud comments about my sexuality and my friends was made and alot of pointing and rudeness overall.

As I edit this in my brain now, I realize, there's so much I can't tell the general public about that evening except for the following: hate is vicious.

Hate is evil.
Hate is unnecessary.

The only way you will get the Heaven, my dear friends is through acceptance and the people talking about me and the attempted physical attack on me on Thursday night freaked me out because of the following: 1) I was not drunk, 2) I was pointed out in a crowd, 3) I need to accept others.

I know that's vague, my friends, but let me just say, I learned to love my Panda and Andrew more that night for sticking up for me. After all, I am a bit of a bitch and rather snobby, that has to change moreso because I wish to be a person in the position of power in the near future and my credibility cannot be waivered.

I was the target of gay bashing for not only mixing with gay friends, but for thinking I could bring my life into the open, only to realize: now is not the time.

The sad part: that afternoon I was planning Panda's birthday party and right now, I do not want to make myself noticed to the public nor hurt our relationship as friends and business associates. So, I decided to veto public appearances and have reserved the right to a VIP, non-disclosed birthday fete for him a few days after his birthday.

I'm not happy that I had to tone this down, but I have to. My friends mean so much to me and their safety and reputations and credibility cannot be injured due to my loving to go out, at least, not in P Town. It's too small here to be accepted.

So, with that said, alot of down-time will be approaching, I can feel. Which, gives me the opportunity to put the finishing touches on my manuscript and have it shopped to publishing houses in the fall. On top of that, I'm thinking of taking my personality and writing to the next level. Not in a bar, but on paper for a local magazine in the form of a column. The idea and meeting is still in the works and non-official, but I would love the opportunity to talk beauty, fasion and image with a more bohemian, accepting audience.

Lastly, the chance to embark upon an adventure to The Domincan Republic has emmerged in late August set for the same timing as my birthday.

Lots of stuff besides dwelling on the hate my friends and I endured this past week.

One thing I've learned is that the more successful you become, the more you feel lonely. It's a classic case of being lonely at the top. But one thing: I found my love from all my friends and the super important individuals in my life. And to them, I owe my love for keeping me safe and protecting me from harm's way.

This week, hug someone you forgot about or have tossed aside and to all those you have gotten comfortable with: watch your tone! You don't want to lose them because when situations get ugly, they'll be the ones that save you.

In a very vague way, thank you for reading.
xoxo.
Joshua Ryan.

To follow me on Twitter, please visit http://www.twitter.com/prettyboyedu
To view my personal wesite, plesae visit http://www.josh-cooley.com/

and PS: I love you for reading and would love some prayer or mediations. June is gonna be rough.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

1.10 - A story about Rachel Zoe and me.

What's up lambs?

So, it's been a week since my last blog and I have had a huge amount of solo time this last week.


As of right now, it's Monday morning, about 1 am, and I'm sipping Moscato Bianco and watching DVDs of "The Rachel Zoe Project"


What can I say? I adore Rachel. She's so glamourous and so passionate about what she does as a fashion stylist. And even though people find her melodramatic and too too too much, I would honour myself in the same caliber of people. Not drama and reality show Bravo victim, but the passionate individual that chooses work instead of a love life, time with famly and a personal life.


The press reads mean to our poor Ms. Zoe and is not too far from yours truly.


She has hard-asses working underneath her and an amazing list of designers on her side and supporting every single thing that she touches and deams "a trend".


When I see the three individuals in her life, her husband and manager of her company that is always there and not to be seen ever telling Rachael "no", but bringing her back to reality and the love of her life.


There's her associate, Taylor- who happens to be a hard-ass and gets left out alot and feels the anxiety more than Rachel does and then there's her "assistant" to Taylor that is a ray of Light and always by her side.


How could I name those three people: my mum, Panda and Anthanasia.


Who do I leave out?

Who's the hard-ass?

Who drives me "bananas", in a good way?

Who gets infuriated with me, but can't verbalize it?

Who's my rock?

Who's the love of my life?


No matter how I answer this question, I was enlightened by a really quote from Season 1, Episode Four (and I leave you with this)





"Pick what it is you love, and the success will come.."





I think that's why I love Rachel. No matter how people dog her and diss her, she still keeps doing what she does.


She's written a book; I'm writing a book.

She is expanding into a brand name; I'm creating one with "Shampoo Boy"

She has an empire with The Rachel Zoe camp and I'm on my way to creating a salon and the Joshua Ryan, Inc. empire.


So, with that, I leave you this week and say thank you to all my guests that have made me realize my success and all the amazing passion is 100% true. Without my Rockstar clientelle, I'm nothing. I am your Rachel Zoe.
xoxo,
Joshua Ryan
for more about the fabulous Rachel Zoe, visit http://www.rachelzoe.com/


Sunday, May 9, 2010

1.09 - A story about being sh*t-canned...

Good evening lambs-

How are you?

It's Sunday night and I'm sipping a cup of mint tea and listening to a new episode of "Sex with Emily". If you haven't checked her out, please do. Emily is also a friend of mine on Twitter, so from time to time you'll catch tweets between Em and I. Emily is finishing up her book as I'm trying to finishing the draft for my manuscript here in the next month.

The call home has happened for me once again when I found out that my Guela (grandmother) was having a major surgery involving the removal of a tumor from the side of her face later this last week. I was incredibly shocked to find out that not only is the tumor benign and all is well in the facial department, but that a newly-found tumor in her brain may be more cause for some concern.
Never one for lots of drama, this was way to much for me to handle. I, in fact, depressed myself and Panda at a recent dinner a couple nights ago when I found out via phone call from my mum the night before my Guela's surgery.

It got me thinking as I paced and cried outside the restaurant, "why am I sad? Why am I crying? Why is this so unbearable?"

For future reference, as a child, I spent my time for a near twelve years growing up between my home with my well-off parents in an upper-middle class neighbourhood and with my Guela in a very low income part of town. The fine line between the two environements: one being full of ambition and time for family, but it had to be scheduled and the warmth of my Guela's home where nothing was new and everything was in Spanish or from the dollar store or Avon was very evident as I grew into the person I am now.


I am, undeniably, the richest poor person you'll meet and the poorest rich person you'll meet.

-I'll drive the same car for years to keep down costs and never buy a new one.

-I'll spend 80 bucks on meal, but never have groceries.
-I will know how to make the most out of $10, but make you think I spent $100, etc.

Poor/Rich Boy

That's me.
Rich, but humble.
Poor, but plentiful.
I think maybe that's what hurt the most, the fact that even though I knew everything was going to be okay, I had a doubt that I had not been there as a good grandson or son. As I sat there just minutes earlier at table with good friend, Panda and enjoyed $80 worth of a lifestyle I've taken time segregated from my family to achieve to only face the reality, that my foundation, my Guela, was falling apart.

With that said, all went well, and we've enjoyed a quiet mother's day at my family's home. I've forgotten how to keep it all in my brain here at home. I've spent alot of time with Panda lately and only to the greeting of gossip and remarks. Mostly due to the blog, "good friends" have brought up the fact that my friend and I have been the subject of many of my posts online and in my blog stories.

As I sat at the table for the $80 dinner the other night, all red-eyed from my phone call, I sat and looked at Panda across the table and told him what was going on. Already stressed out from work, Panda listened distantly as I verbally melted down to our server and to him and as I tried to regain my composer, he came out with the sentence:

"you are more than welcome to stay with me whenever you'd like, but next week, I think I need my space."

So, go home?
I sat in silence.

I was already the subject of the local Us Weekly

Already the backroom talk.

Already #2 or #10 (depending on the day) on someone's crush list.

My best friend has rarely spoken to me in the last two week

My grandma is in major surgery and has another found illness that could kill her and now...
I'm being shit-canned.

Yep.
Shit-canned.

Written off.

Told to go home.

But my reaction was unnecessary, you know?

I knew eventually I'd probably be told to go home or to give him his space.

But maybe the timing was off.

Already buzzed from my wine, I went back up to the loft and began to pack my overnight bag. Panda got ready for a rigorous workout. There were no words.
He knocked on the bathroom door.

"Can I use the bathroom please?"

I walked over to the kitchen and pretended to text.

He asked me if I'd like to work out and I said mumbling, "no."

He asked me what was wrong.
Again, "no. nothing ... [mumble, mumble, mumble]"

As I turned to ellaborate, he was out the door.

Gone.

My heart was already black with ache from my Guela's sickness news and stained with the ashes of being shit-canned by my friend who just wanted a little space from my madness.

Really, Josh?

You're upset?

I went to the shower and cried.

Cried for my Guela, cried for Panda, cried my mum, cried for my stength to come back.

How oh how can you become one the most succesful people only to have absolutely nothing *at this moment* in your life.

That is the poorest rich person.

So, the next day I woke up and got ready and made a joke, "Well, say good bye, you may never see me again... you know after shit-canning me."

Panda replied groggy from sleep, "shut up!"
"I'm kidding. Have fun with your space. See you next week"

Cocky to assume I'll be back in a week yes? Unrealisitic? No. Probable? Maybe. Just maybe.
With one day of sadness behind me, I took on the world and was lifted by my interaction with my salon lambs. I came home and had sushi with my sister and passed out after a few glasses of plum wine.


Next on the list: the book.

I have to finish my book.

As I took into consideration Panda's need for space, I got to wondering: does he just not want to be a character on the blog? Because everything I've ever written about him has been unharming.

It occured to me as I enjoyed time with mum and Guela today, jealousy kills.

Jealousy kills relationships. Whether someone is poisoning my friends' brains with remarks about what the blog may or may not say.

Jealousy kills work relationships. As I do well, I notice the distance between me and so many now.

So, to all my "good friends" that don't understand what a good friendship is like: thank you.

Thank you very much for your attempted views and criticisms and plagueing my relations. It builds character. Not one person will ever take away my family or my ambition, not even causing anxiety to my friend and a need to write me off for a week.

Good friends don't shit-can each other.
Good friends don't talk smack in blogs.
And good friends always come back.

xoxo.
Josh.
To follow me on Twitter. Visit http://www.twitter.com/prettyboyedu
Emily Morse of Sex with Emily is http://www.twitter.com/emilymorse
And to Panda- I absolutely adore you. See you in a week! wink wink
And to my Creator- thank you for blessing me with my mum, Guela, Panda and all my favourite people. You rock!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

1.08 - A story about exhaustion..

Good evening lambs,

It's so funny. It's only mid-week and life must be catching up with me. There's this feeling of exhaustion in the air. Not to sound all Mariah Scarey or anything, but...


exhausted may be the word.


Yep, pretty sure it is.


So, this evening is a longer evening at the salon. I'm standing at the front typing as my good friend Panda finishes a client and as I look over, I see the "e" word again: exhaustion.


What is that?


Busy people are exhausted?

Fabulous people are exhausted?

Famous people are exhausted?


Lindsay Lohan, Mariah and a long list of A listers have checked themselves in due to exploding Blackberries and too many TV appearances, but ours isn't anything close to that, even though I feel like I just got off a world tour.


So, get this:


Yesterday was a huge sigh of relief for me. Thanks to all of my salon lambs, I became increasingly busy and April saw me with more referrels than I could have imagined and as I thought about all the brand new people coming to see me, it was my motivation for pulling my body out of bed each morning and making it happen til the (sometimes) late evening five nights last week.


By Saturday after a whole month of this blessing, I finally had a moment of saying, "oh. [deep breath inserted here] no more please." and two more clients of mine graced my presence.


You would have never guessed I was tired. The two designer cut sessions I busted through were phenomenal and a defenite swan song to the week.


As I drove home that evening and made my way to my desk in my office and saw the many items to cross of my to-do list, I realized, "I should have NEVER cancelled my vacation to LA".


The next day came and as I woke and thought it would be a nice Sunday cooking with Chef Vonnie and sipping cocktails together, it strangely turned into a lazy Sunday full of chatting with a friend at the salon before he ran off to the UK to be a rockstar.


Off I ran to see my parents and I sat down and realized, once again, how tired I was with Monday's scheduled meetings on my brain.


On Monday morning, I woke up and greeted my followers on Twitter with, "I just want to cancel all my meeting today."


and guess what?


I did.


Manicure- cancelled. Rescheduled for two weeks. I'll do those myself

Marketeing meeting- cancelled by the other party.

Advisory board meeting- Cordially declined and will not appear.

Shower- not til later.


So, off to sushi and plum wine I ran.


As I sipped my plum wine, a friend of mine from out of town rang me and said, "what are you up to later?"


I told him I wasn't sure if I wanted to make plans considering I hadn't seen my family in a good week.


He said, "well, cool"


You could sense the irratation in his voice.


"No worries, friend. I'll holla later."


His reply: "yeah. Well mean it this time and don't flake out on me!"


You know what? I was kind of offended.


I wish he really understood how much of myself I give to others. As I returned his call and he mine that evening, I asked for a brief second, I was just exhausted, not flaking.


Sometimes, we all need a Mariah Scarey moment where we cancel or limit our appearances.


As I reuninted with my bff this week as talked to after a week or two of not talking as we normally do, I realized maybe I was just exhausted with being Josh. The best friend, the meeting goer, the facebooker, the online personality, and the flaky coulda-been boyfriend.


Wishing you a fabulous hair day and not-so-flakey week.

Joshua "no more meetings today" Cooley

xoxo. ... and thank you for reading. ; )


Sunday, May 2, 2010

1.07 - A story about one love...

Well hello lambs!

It's Sunday evening and I'm sitting in my family's kitchen with laptop, Blackberry and cup of instant coffee in hand chatting along with two amazing people. I have one guy talking to me via text and one chatting with me on my Facebook. Both are deeply in admiration and very cordial and just alot of fun to talk to and bring smiles to my faces.


One is from out of state and follows every tweet, post, news update and blog I write and the other is (I think) secretly trying to hook up with me! LOL.


Oh life!


Speaking of attention and life and friends and all that amazing nonsense, I made a spontaneous appearance at a club in Denver on Friday night with three good friends. Yes, one of them was Panda! However, this trip was fun because it got me out of my box. What so funny is I was so worried about being out late in Denver and getting back home in time to open the salon the next day. The poor boy even got the silent treatment... my poor Panda. ; (


We ran off to see a drag show featuring Rupaul's Drag Race's Nina Flowers. I had NEVER been to a drag show before. I've seen drag queens before just walking about in their natural habitat, but what was funny was seeing them live and in action walking the catwalk and controlling the room. I chatted up a few drag queens and asked about "the tuck", complimented many a make-up application and even danced like crazy with one and off to the out of doors I walked to have a cigarette with one.


Keep in mind, I do not condone smoking, but when I'm buzzed and ready for a smoke, off I go. I got asked many times on Friday night where I was from and where I worked and as I replied and gave my story, all the gay boys were impressed, all the lesbians were impressed, all the confused straight people were impressed.


The bartenders were so courteous. The crowd was not out of control.


Panda was enjoying talking to our friends and I was having a good ol' time flashing dollars at the queens from the end of the catwalk! As David Guetta and Estelle's track, "One Love" played, I went wild. Singing out loud and having the time of my life.


For a moment, I forgot about all the tension I've felt lately regarding me and my bff, the lack of a love life, yelling at Panda for kidnapping me and bringing me to the dragshow earlier that evening.


And when it came down to it, I realized one thing: thank god for him, thank god for my friends for rescuing me from well, myself.


"One Love", the mix of Crown and Red Bull and all the embracement of the gay community made me realize, we're all connected and if we all made the effort to get out of our boxes and be a little spontaneous, we'd feel alot better.


I know I did.


I know I needed a getaway. Even for the evening. The next day at the salon, I encountered some beautiful clients and had limited conversations with the gossip mongers in my existence and realized, "maybe they haven't stepped out of their boxes yet enough to accept me."


and as I thought of the compliments from the night before and all the mass texts and mad flow of love to my Facebook and Blackberry from my salon lambs and paparazzi, I finally understood the fact that I've been counting all the minuses in my life and not all the plus signs.


So, to my three friends that night and the many that spoke with me, texted me or Facebooked me: thank you.


You made me see The Light again. You definetely made me feel "One Love"


XOXO.

Joshy
PS: "One Love" lyrics are below... right now, this song is totally where my brain is at.
"One Love" by David Guetta and Estelle
Can anybody help me im outta plans
guess I left my world in somebody’s hands
I don’t like to hurt
but but everyone gets weak
someone to rely on
that’s what I really need
Now here we stay
its all that we're worth
I’ve been thru the pain
and been dragged through the dirt
whatever they tell you
we're bigger than words
I’ve been where you're standing
I know how it hurts
let this be a song now
and this be a day
and we stand together
we'll be okay
Because we're survivors
we're making it work
expecting the best
when they hope for the worst
One love - this is the way we found
One love - even though they'll let you down
One love -nobody’s perfect now
One love -don’t let that hold u down
One love - lets stick together now
One love -we got to stand our ground
One love - its easy to believe in
One love - believe in u and me
One love
Now I could try and fix this all by myself
but I know it’d turn out better if you'd help
no one likes to hurt
but everyone gets weak
someone to rely on
that’s what everybody needs