6.03 :: Oprah reminded me.

Good afternoon lambs,

It's a windy monday here at Studio J Ry and I'm finishing a tepid cup of coffee and listening to "Sex and the City" play in the backgroud.

My Blackberry has been dinging non-stop all yesterday and this morning. I thought it was supposed to be Memorial Day weekend? Oh well, I think I broke my own "no work" rule by going in later today to service a couple clients of mine. Wow. It just never stops does it.

This past week has been amazing. Business was thriving and bold last week and it was a week without bumps for the first time. Not so much that there's been conflict, but that it's been as though I'm been nit-picky or letting small things or enviromental things bother me.

I was watching Diane Sawyer on OWN's "Masterclass" and she made the following statement that was so goddamned profound:

"A cristicism is a really bad way of making a request. Just make the request."

That resonated with me on so many levels. Seriously!

Have I just been critical and have I been cristicised through karma lately? Basically, I'm asking and know the answer at the same time: have I spent so much time critiquing business practices that I'm actually bringing the critics to critique me?

With that said, last week, I let alot of stuff just brush off my shoulder and did not let petty shit affect me. If I had to do a management course, I would tell people to never be blind to what's around you, but don't be so confrontational either and that's one thing I've been- super confrontational.

Oprah officially ended her 25 year reign on daytime and I ran to the newstand for the new issue of O Magazine and logged on to see where the woman is going and not only is she assuming her role as "Oprah" in the universe and television industry, she's moving to LA. For me, that's so not a reality. She has become synonomous with Chicago.

I can't see myself moving anytime soon, but I always express the want or need to retire out of the country or in wine country in Northern California which means that I want to retire somewhere in my late fifties meaning my "25 year" or so reign has started in the SoCo area. It means, as soon as I have my salon open and running, if I decide to move away and retire or at least havea summer home, I have another minimum of a quarter of a century to show people what I'm made of in local business.

Oprah has set this standard for me.

I also have been talking with my editor and publisher at PULP about a possible "Haute Mess" one-year later party. I am so proud of the success of my writing and so happy that people are responsive to it. I was working on a book when I approached PULP about a column and was already blogging heavily online and it's as if I've already attained a sense of success in writing through online and local mediums. So why would I not pursue finishing my book?

Oprah reminded me of that as well.

The new Gaga album was released this week to mixed reviews and for someone who was so skeptical that this would be a success, I bought the album and adore it. I reminds me so much of the misfortune of relationships and being "stoned", called "Judas", trying and reaching your goals and at the end of the day still obsessed by the relationships and connections that just did not flourish past a certain point. Alot of songs remind me of the times of Leon, Headlines and multiple Nasia-moments (both good and bad).

Oprah talked about working with passion during her last show and I cried heavily wanting nothing more than to hug her for being there. That last show was a tear-drenched motivational monologue about how passson = happiness and the desire to recieve is a manifestation. She normally brought out the human in the star and for me, my clients bring out the human in me, a self-promclaimed Rockstar Stylist.

The other night at the Downtown Bar I was reminded of this and my conversations with my new confidante Lisa have affirmed this... but most importantly...

Oprah reminded me.

xoxo.
Josh

6.02 :: Not interested... and that's okay.

Good evening Rockstars and Lambs,

I'm sitting in my office at Studio J Ry sipping a bottle of water after an afternoon and evening of hanging out with my parents. After tuning in for the climatic season finale of Celebrity Apprentice, I got in my car and zoomed back home to download Gaga's latest album, "Born This Way"...

The album is downloading as I type this. The Golden Girls are on in the living room and I sip-sipping my way to a night of relaxation and a manana of the same.

This week has been relatively busy on many different levels. This was, for once, a very slow week for me business-wise. Most of the downtown area was blocked off as of Tuesday to make way for the Wild West Fest. I was to be terribly committed in the salon this week and had been asked to help/participate at numerous booths and declined all offers Monday night. At the end of the week, I had 40% rescheduled guests due to not even wanting to play with parking issues and a serious annoyance with last-minute call-ins the day of their appointment or they called so late in the day that I could not even make a spot available for another guest. I took that as a hint from the universe that I was supposed to lay-low and hang out at home.

As it turned out, I was available to work on Friday representing my second home as a public personality: The PULP booth. The PULP is an independent/alternative publication I contribute for by writing my fashion and trend column, "Haute Mess" (you can see back-issues at http://www.pueblopulp.com/).

Surprisingly, I really enjoyed representing and helping out my team. I had never really involved myself and always thought of myself as a personality, and not a team member. This weekend, as much as I played the local celeb, I had so much fun participating and not being obligated to do anything except be me. They are one amazing group of people.

I had a mixture of night events that were not so great this week. Alot of people ditching out on me due to time-constraints, other obligations or just general "lack of interest".

I was at an event on Saturday evening that I walked with Andrew down to a tent event and could not handle the crowd. The scene was just not "me". Have you ever felt out of place so incoherently that you wanted to simply dissapear or run? That's what happened.. I hugged Andrew after twenty minutes of standing grumbily and excused myself, "Have fun with your friends" I said and dashed off.

As I walked off in the night down the street I call home. I walked silently and calmly back to Studio J Ry. My friend texted me, "I just woke up. So Sorry."

Poor thing, she had been working the festival too. I don't blame her for being tired. All my other friends had dashed off to other venues or houseparties (which do not peak my interest) and I began to text Andrew. Tears were in my eyes...

I texted him that I was sorry for being a bitch and that it simply wasn't my scene to accompany him that evening. My main concern was that I did not want his friends or him to think poorly of me for leaving. The truth was: I was being a bitch who thought I was too good for the crowd. I had an ego moment and my tears weren't coming from leaving, but from being a douchebag.

All of the hand-shakes, public acclaim and compliments had come to a screeching hault when I went to that event. I was no longer the star. Sure, there were some attentive goers, but I found myself saying, "this is not my scene and I hate it here" out loud.

I knew that this devilish person saying these things had to go. I had to go home. As I left, someone stopped me, it was one of Nasia's clients. She said, "I LOVE following you online, you look so damn good! I'm so proud of you.

Had she not heard about the recent falling out?

Once again, another Josh-Nasia falling out.

"I need to lose 20 more pounds", I said.

"you're being stupid! You're fucking hot!" she said. "Whatever you're doing, I'm proud of you."

I had seen an influx of my peers do things at this event I would have NEVER DONE. I don't represent something unless my heart is in it and for once since my time leaving Headlines, I saw myself cling to my own interest and not the interest of the salon. Janelle was working alone with her friend, mom and boyfriend in tow and I was merely, 'a public personality'.

I see me growing away from my peers and branching off into different interests. Interests that are my own, interests I don't wish to share, but wish to push passionately as a Kindergartener and say, "look what I did today!"

I saw that person as I walked away from Andrew's group. He was so sweet and his friends were too, but the event was not my interest (nor his, I heard the next day) and I've had to accept that that is okay. I did not want to work outside the salon because, frankly, feather extensions aren't my thing. I just want to make my clients happy... and there's nothing wrong with that.

I looked at my texts as I was about a block away from my doorway and saw a text from Nasia that morning apologizing for her outburst the week prior and began to write an e-mail. I deleted it.

I deleted her message and my reply and by the time I got home, I had planned out my response.

I was in the bubble bath listening to the live music just downstairs outside my window and re-read the influx of texts from friends, "you look good", "let's do bevs or dinner next week", "sorry couldn't make it."

And then I remembered the last text I got from Nasia saying we're different and have grown apart. I got up, got dressed and e-mailed my reply.

Maybe my interests have changed...

I have to understand that NOT all crowds, interests or previous co-stars are mine, we change. Change is scary when it's good and as Saturday turned into Sunday, I was terrified.

xoxo.
JRy

Dedicated to my favourite confidante Andrew. I'm sorry for being a picky-bitch and love you for hanging out with a picky bitch like me. ; ) x0x0-jry

Dear Lisa, you are a sweet co-star by far that I am adoring getting to know you. We all fall asleep sometimes. ; ) xoxo-jry.

6.01 :: One bumpy ride.

Good afternoon lambs,

It's a brisk May afternoon in the heart of SoCo as I type this. I'm sipping a hazelnut soy latte and reading all the latest on Gaga's soon to be released single, "Hair".

As I'm reading up on her and reading up on Donald Trump saying he's NOT running for president and Madonna's interest in Vita Coco Coconut Water, I'm looking at these people I admire and see so much stuff...

You have one (Miss Gaga) that is releasing more music even before the album has come out.

You have the other (Mister Trump) that wants to make a bold move, toyed with the thought and is saying it's okay, he's content being The Donald and not The President.

Then, my major mentor Madge having the controlling interest in a beverage company. Again, setting trends and making waves in a field outside of the music industry.

For me, these last couple months have been aggravating and creative on an embryonic level. Like Gaga, I keep giving hints of a salon I'm opening and have starting getting all the plans into motion toward opening Joshua Ryan, Inc. Like Mister Trump, I'd like to do something major like become a technical director or lead make-up educator for TIGI or L'Oreal and pull away when opportunity is near and like Madge, my other interest being a fashion columnist, online personality and author is proving to be a very successful venture.

Is this spreading ourselves too thin getting in the way of growing on a personal level?

I have to wonder at times, is it all too much too soon or am I filtering out all the items I want now.

Clearly, a salon is going to be happen. I'm aggravated with my current setting not being I hate being there, but because I simply do not play by rules very well. I am a superstar, I believe and know that, and need to be treated like one. I am not someone who works 3 days a week.
I work for Joshua Ryan, Inc 24/7 and as soon as I can open a studio, I'm happy. June 1st begins stage one of working on imagery, a photoshoot, ordering stations and scouting a location.

I left Headlines last June 1st and June 3rd started working at my friend's studio. Lately, the polluted and congested nature of Headlines is rearing it's dirty little dragon's mouth into my life and projecting hate and jealousy to me through the devilish words of the owner's mother (curve ball!) and even my once-best friend. In a text sent Saturday, I was asked if we could separate and split ties. After years of frustration and realizing that Headlines has a hold on her, I have decided OFFICIALLY that Nasia and I need our space.

I wish her well and love her family, but we often ask for thing we don't think will come true and this time she may just get what she's asking for. She asked for a separation and said we grew apart, well, then, let's just grow apart already. One day, she'll come around, in the meantime, my focus will unfortunately, NOT be on her. Sad sitiuation really.

Headline's queenmother decided to stop me in a restaurant and let me know she hates my ad campaign, therefore, I renewed my contract and will be back in 50,000 homes in the area by the second week of June this time NOT USING hairmodels, but myself. I want my face shown and known.

These two situations have allowed me to decide to release my support as a businessman of Headlines and it's contents, employees, contracted engagements and influence thereof. The evil nature of the people has creeped into the lives of people I once admired. It now, serves as the fire under my arse to create the so-often talked about JOSHUA RYAN name.

I have had numerous offers this year to represent for the likes of major names L'Oreal and TIGI. Also two small brands have contacted me. Right now, this adventure is NOT my priority. I will not be representing any company except my own at this time. The focus must be 100% on me.

Finally, the success of my column, "Haute Mess" has brought me events and appearances this summer including my place as a judge for a dancing competion. All the money goes to charity to help Pueblo, Colorado's homeless. I am honoured and can't wait to be there August 13th juding in my "hautest" way known.

So, that is Volume 6. Volume 6 is back to Josh. There may be some drama. There may be content that makes people angry and you will KNOW about it first hand. I have never been one to censor or filter my life or it's contents on my blog.

Stay tuned lambs, this summer's gonna be one bumpy fucking ride.

xoxo,

Joshua Ryan