Monday, July 26, 2010

Attention:
The blog entitled, "A story about embracing my favourite Panda.."
has been deleted due to viewer request.
I also restarted the blog counter at zero. So, let's just say the blog could take a shift in theme or I may re-consider what is being placed online for all to see.
My goal with my blog, as stated in entries prior is NEVER to offend or over exaggerate or humiliate or defame a single person or individual or his or her characteristics.
The blog deals with me and my life and I often include people that are special to me in it's entries.
I hope those of you reading understand that as a request, I was asked to remove yesterday's entry. I am emotionally very depressed about this move and would not have deleted the entry if I didn't love the person wholly with my heart and every fibre of my being.
In the meantime, feel free to skim previous entries or visit me on Facebook or at
josh-cooley.com
Hearts xoxo.
Josh Cooley
My sincerest apologies to the individual mentioned in yesterday's entry.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

2.12 - A story about living through someone..


J Ry's shopping list
-D&G - check
-Lacome Creme Douceur - later
-CHI Ionic Colour - check
-Panda - check
-lasting friendship(s) - meeting later, but check
-a need to be seen and be talked to - absolutely triple check
Good morning lambs,
It's about 10 am on a Thursday morning and I'm getting ready to start out my day. Today I had planned on taking the day off and actually will be taking clients about 3 pm, but that's no biggie. In fact, it's rather enjoyable.
As I sit here, I'm sitting at Panda's loft, at the dining room table. We spent last night going through clothes, items, boxes, memories and had a fabulous dinner around 10 last night. He's a fabulous cook and a fabulous friend.
Words cannot merely paint the picture or express how much I love him or how much it troubles me when I don't get a reply via text or phone call, etc. In fact, I'm a bit obsessive over him. It's a flaw of mine that comes out as a control issue in my life, perhaps from childhood?
Who knows.
So, Tuesday night, I had sushi with a friend of mine that I had tried to date at one point. He's on his way to design school and I am super thrilled for him. I remember being his age and being in design school and absolutely wishing for the best: my own illustration line, website and to be the new tokidoki. In fact, when I was in design school Simone Legno (tokidoki founder) was not even popular yet, he was in many of the design magazines I submitted items to at the very same time, a few years later and an illustration series and a website later, I through in the towel and ran off to cosmetology school.
I don't regret it.
I make way more now than I ever did doing freelance anything.
As my friend told me of his plans, all I could do was remember being his age and wanting the most. I wish now, I would have went off to fashion school in Italy, but stayed because my mum said, "no".
Even now, it's hard for me to let go of people.. especially when I'm close to them or have a history with them. But I've realized with age and eight years later, that it's best for them to pursue and travel and learn about the world and expose themselves to the real world!
Truly.
Panda always tells me he's living vicariously through me. I told my friend the other day how proud I was of him and told him, "omg, I just want to live vicariously through you."
All of sudden, it came full-circle.
Panda deeply has an attachment to me and wants me to push myself to my utmost limit like I want my design friend to. I never understood what he said through that sentence and as I sit here in his loft and look around, I think to myself, "wow, I'm absolutely blesssed."
My personal life is not always perfect, but it's mine.
I think back now to when I was working at my last salon and think about what people were saying about me and judging me and judging Panda and Nasia and all associated with me including things I do, people I love and don't so much care for and think, "wow, I made the right choice."
Even now when I get wind of something discomforting, I just brush it off after the initial shock.
I know that deep down, it's so important for me to keep my integrity because people are looking up to meand looking forward to what I have up my sleeve next.
Next month, I'm launching an ad campaign that will be mailed out to 50,000 homes in my area. I want to expand my clientele tremendously! Something I've dreamed of is having the power and money to do this and then start building the foundation of my life and then invest more money into opening Joshua Ryan, Inc as a real salon, a private studio and headquarters for all my projects.
Will Panda be involved?
Will my mum be involved?
Andrew?
Design friend?
Nasia?
My salon lambs?
Yes, no, and maybe so... the answer to that question is still up in the air and I can honestly tell you, "I like that."
I like that I can't answer that question right now because that is what gives me the drive to continue to live and to allow others to live through me...
Here's to life and the weekend.
Hearts,
J Ry aka, Joshua Ryan aka Josh Cooley aka Joshy aka josh-cooley.com
To live through me daily and in random moments of excitement and not-so-exciting moments, follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/prettyboyedu

Monday, July 19, 2010

2.11 - A story about how to care without boundaries...

Good evening lambs,

It's about 11:30 pm on Monday night. Tonight and all the way into tomorrow at Sundown is Tisha B'av, the most negative day of the calendar year. It's not that bad things happen this day, it's that there's such a tremendous amount of energy released this day that we as humans do not know how to accept it, so in place of being happy, we mourn or we become humble and quiet on this day. It's not meant to be a bad day, as much as it's a way to "re-awaken" the senses.


I can tell you, I've been re-awakened tons! As much as I feel the amazing spot I'm in in my life, I can honestly tell you, I have a hard time expressing momentous joy. I do tend to slip into myself and not care about publicly expressing happiness. I'm very gray. Not black, not white. Sometimes being gray pisses people off and that's entirely okay.


This weekend, I celebrated my good friend Andrew's birthday in Denver. He had a blast! There was even an Adam Lambert siting at the club Saturday night. As I sat outside and spoke with numerous people in Denver, I was greeted by some and shunned by many others. People who have "friend"ed me online acted as if they did not want to actually meet me and others literally felt so organic to talk to.


Andrew and I were seperate for about 50% of the evening, but I was happy as long as he was enjoying himself.


All through the summer, I have a LONG string of birthdays to celebrate, Panda is in June, Jaxton is in June, my mum is in July, Andrew is in July and my birthday is in August! I'm excited to make plans. September is also the month my bestie Nasia calls birthday month. This has been a rather melancholy summer for most of my friends, alot of anxiety, alot of soul searching involved.


I've had alot of solo time and seen alot of parallells and polar changes in some of my relationships. I've seen my online base really nurture me and ask me how I am and my salon lambs take note and send me new referrels and send me notes and items telling me they're proud of me and they wish me well. I've had a shit-load of ignored phone calls and texts as well. Not just from clientele, but from people who have been amazing in my life.


So, as Tisha B'av, sets in and I examine my "rebirth" after this three week period of disgruntlement (I know, it's not a word), I ask myself, "who cares for me unconditionally as I care for them?"


My rabbi told me to "care without boundaries" in times of uncertainty, and I do. I have also fallen victim to some very aggressive online postings about me and directly e-mailed to me. And truly, it's okay.


My advice to you, my friends, is to "care without boundaries". Don't EVER give up on someone or something. If you feel like giving up, it wasn't worth it, it you are in tears because that ONE person does not answer his or her phone, keep dialing, they'll pick up, I promise. Deep down, they know you care. They may be in a shitty spot in life right now.


As much as I love my friends, I know I've been "ignored" numerous times. I pray that all goes back to normal soon and they both understand I will never give up on either and that my love is as unconditional for them as it should be for a spouse, a lover, or child (that's deep.)


And to my salon lambs, thank you for reflecing that care and love back to me.


And to Andrew, thank you for giving me one kick-ass weekend with your company and I hope you saw how much I care for you this year by enjoying your birthday weekend with you.


Shavua tov, lambs.

Remember to "care without boundaries"

Joshy


PS: if this was too deep or too Kabbalah-y for you, I apologize, it was needed. I love you all. xoxo. Dedicated to Panda and Nasia and a big warm cyber hug to Andrew and my salon lambs and all my Headliners I miss, but have let go.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

2.10 - A story about the blog.. (and a thank you)

Dear lambs,

I want to take the opportunity to thank you for visiting my blog and sending feedback.


My goal through the blog is generally to be positive and not negative. Of course, the blog is about me and my personal life. Alot of people close to me have told me not to continue writin the blog and for me, that's simply not an option.


I choose to disply vulnerability in the blog for the mere fact that we are all human. Like it or not, we all have bad days, like it or not, we all have AMAZING DAYS!


My blog focuses mainly on vague stories about a series of days and the people and places involved.


To be mentioned in my blog is a privelage and not a right of passage, by any means. However, keep in mind, that the postings are for you to get to know me better.


One thing I've always valued is the art of conversation. I have a few people that have scored the right to message me at 12 midnight or 2 am and have hours of conversation and for me, converstaion is intimate. It's like laying in bed with me (clothes on of course).


Josh Cooley is a bad ass Rockstar Stylist, but I'm also human.


At the end of the day, I want to be the emo kid hanging upside down in the boy's room smoking a cigarette with dirty eye make-up making innappropriate comments to my boyfriends.


At the end of the day, I am still a 15 year old Peter Pan sitting in my couture underwear and $35 t-shirt eating cereal with soymilk.


At the end of the day, I am that avante garde artist that is too rich for SoHo and too poor for 5th Avenue.


I'm the boy who wants to grow into a success and take all my friends, clients and lovers with me and open a HUGE salon and have everyone enjoy a piece of the pie (like Duff on Ace of Cakes).


My goal in life was NEVER to get married, have kids, or be tied down, but I find myself wanting a Jaxton of my own, wanting to have a lover at the end of the day to cuddle with and call my own and wanting to have this extraorinary home to invite people over to sip coffee, cocktails (or both) and talk art, fashion, sex, life, and whatever comes to mind.


As I re-read tonight's blog and left the computer, I was greeted by a message from my friend Mike and I started texting him back and forth and then sent a message to Panda and realized what a dumb fuck I've been the last three days.


I HAVEN'T lived my life according to what I preach.


Time to count the pluses.


If that means Mike and Andrew are my biggest fans, well God bless 'em! I love them the most.


I had the chance to message Panda tonight and as I think to myself about all he's going through and what a little boy I am, I remember why I love him so much and why I love you all so much for sticking by me.


Sometimes even the strongest have moments of weakness. I've learned this many time before.


I guess what I'm trying to say is, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I love you all for loving me and loving the blog. No matter what I write about or misspell!


So, on a more "Josh" note...


Have a fabulous night and let's try to get through the rest of this horrible, miserable, bitch-ass week. Ha ha!


xoxo

Joshua




2.09 - A story about being ignored and divorced..

Hello lambs,

I hope you're all doing well. It's been a rather melancholy week for me thus far and I've heard it's been the same for many many others. I've gotten a slew of amazing e-mails, texts and messages from you and appreciate it. Thank you for making me feel like I matter.


This week has been a bit distasteful. In terms of friendships, I can't get one f--king person I want to answer the phone or return messages promptly. It's been aggravating and it's wearing me down. I'm defenitely a people person and love talking to my best friends about what's going on and to be honest, I feel very ignored.


Tonight, especially.


As much as I like to count the plus signs in my life and try to avoid the minuses, each time one of my good friends or good clients does not reply to a messages or "ignores" me on their cell phone, it hurts me.


I'm sipping coffee as I type this and just finished smoking a couple cigarettes. Is it something I do often? No. Is it something I enjoy? Sometimes.


When do I smoke?


When I'm stressed.


I'm 100% stressed the f--k out tonight.


My amazing friend Andrew came to see me today and I adore him with all my heart. He kindly told me to "stop it."


My good boy, Andrew. He has gotten to know all my little habits. I wear my heart on my sleeve and it tears my friends apart. It aggravates them too.


I had a very good meeting with my advertising rep today and we have a HUGE offer coming up in August to the mainstream public! I'm excited for that. This week has been a slow week for me and I'm not used to that. I have always always always been busy. This morning I was woken by a phone call from a client: one of my favourites, mind you.


I didn't take the call because I was still groggy (it was early). So I "ignored" it and it went to voicemail. As I got out of the shower this morning and checked messages before leaving the house, she left me a message telling me, "I'm sorry, but I cannot go to you anymore. I think you're the absolute best, I'm sorry. "


I sent out messages to clients that rescheduled and didn't show and haven't got ONE text or call back from a list of clients I considered amazing and to be honest, it hurts to not have them on my books.


I knew I would lose clients when I decided to transition, but the transition hurts. For every new clients I've gained, I've gained an amazing relationship, but when people decide to leave with no explanation and even leave me a message, but have no real reason, it makes me feel the emptiness of that message on the inside.


I haven't spoken to Panda like I normally do in a few days or Nasia and it's killing me inside. Have they left me too? Am I paranoid?


Yeah, kinda.


I feel like the world is hitting "ignore" to Josh this week and like that void inside me is growing. I can feel the bitterness welling up in my eyes a I type this and for the sake of one person, in particular, I have to thank Andrew for making me feel special.


This weekend is Andrew's birthday, you see, and I'm off to dance my ass off in Denver. It's amazing that we're gonna party together and share his birthday, but man, it's been a lonely little ride this last week.


What happened?


Why are so many divorcing me when I've done so much for many of them?


I defenitely take things hard and am probably over-reacting, but it's a time that makes me wonder if people are slowly drifting away from me..


All I can tell you, is, Saturday can't come soon enough.


Secondly and most importantly, Andrew, let's rock your birthday, baby! It's gonna be amazing! You're the only one making me not feel ingored right now.


-josh.

Monday, July 12, 2010

2.08 - A story about the reality of detoxing your life (and a little Hebrew school too!)..

Good morning my favourite lambs in the universe:



It's a bit after 12:30 am and I'm sitting here at the dining room table at my parents home after returning from the gym. I'm sipping on a mixture of Fiji water and a detox supplement containing senna, rubbarb and cascara sagrada and various sea algaes. Serious. No kidding.




Today was my beautiful mum's birthday. I can honestly tell you that that was the highest point of my day, in all reality. My downer of a day started with a flooding of rescheduled appointments, cancellations and alot of dissapointment from my friends and those close to me at this time in my life.




I do not like to be a downer, but man oh man, sometimes even positive people with lots of energy have moments, you know?




All day has bothered me. My overall health has bothered me. My company I keep has bothered me.




I felt that this summer was a good time to detoxify my life and my body, all the way from leaving my big salon, to leaving tons of people or waiting to see who would eventually leave me. Today, was a very very hard reality check. It's as if all my predictions came true in one day and I even found myself posting, "I'm at the verge of tears (Serious)" on my Facebook account for all to see. Why would I open myself up to this vulnerability and secondly, does it scare off the people I'm trying to ward off or does it scare the innocent lambs that merely check my page for recreation?




Not my goal.




I don't want to scare anyone away, but man, it's been a day.




As I detoxify my body from alcohol, caffiene, diet supplements, the occasional cig, meat and most dairy this next few days, it gives me a chance to really ask myself if I meant what I said when I said, "I'm removing all the toxic people in my life."




Time to get real with myself, I would say.




The ones who love me and want to stick by me will. The ones tired of me are, well, tired.




It's been such a day that my post after re-reading it numerous times actually prevented me from crying. Later on tonight, as my mum and I went out for movie, I cried in the movie. As much as I wanted to plain a hormone inbalance (ha ha), I kept crying. I put my glasses on and as my mum glanced over, I knew she knew it wasn't the movie. I looked over at her and nudged her and told her, "I'm just a f--king baby. Ignore me."




I stayed quiet and left the movie with sunglasses on as we went to Starbucks for a little reality check.




"Pull yourself together, Josh!" is all I could think.




By coincidence, for those of you that really know me well or have taken the time to notice, I have been a student of The Kabbalah Centre for the last eight years. This time of the year is a very very negative time of the year for a period of three weeks resulting in the most negative day of the year called "Tisha Bav". It is the day the temple was destroyed in Israel centuries ago. It is a time of mourning, and in many cases after a time of renewel. The three weeks leading to Tisha Bav only get worse.. so, as Tisha Bav is only 1 week away, and we are in the third and last week, I think to myself, "Wow, what a powerful detox!"




Three weeks of b.s. man!




It all hit me today. The guests that will NEVER return, the change in my relationship with a few people in my personal life, the change in my familiar relations with my close family, the physical change my body is going through as I approach a birthday next month, the restructuring of my brand, my business and clientelle, my business model, etc.




Yeah, a detox doesn't hurt. We have to feel some pain in the end of an old lifestyle to look forward to a new beginning and after one-month of amazing business, I can only tell you, a few cancellations does hurt me and hurts my feelings. But as my Rabbi, Yehuda tells, it's only destroying my ego, not my reputation.




We have to get past the ego to actually see who we really are and after a good cry, a work out and a blog, I see I'm where I need to be and have a harsh reality check to get humble and give thanks for all I have.




So, for those of you that sent me kind words today, thank you.




For those of you uninterested and ready to "Detox" me out of your life, I wish you well.




Shavua tov (have a good week in Hebrew)


Joshua


Friday, July 9, 2010

2.07 - A story about genuinely "Like"ing someone..

What's new lambs?
It's Friday morning and I'm sitting at the coffeeshop next door sipping a mocha frappe and texting Facebookers back and forth... ha ha. My life is fully-interactive with my blossoming clientelle and friends.
So, this week has been a very self-revealing week. I've spent alot of well-needed time with Panda. Panda also revealed some amazing news to me that he may be being picked up for a major haircare company as an educator for their business model. I'm very excited for him. In fact, he has been invited to the Redken Symposium. That's a major deal in our industry.
As he's been e-mailng and texting and phoning major people in NYC and Nashville, I've had a lot of time to solidify my spot at my new location. So much so, that I've let a couple new additions into my life.
The owner, Janelle, is absolutely amazing and the polar-opposite of my last owner and someone who I really feel a peer connection to. Andrew has been around alot lately seeing as Panda has been in and out on business calls and will be gone again the end of this month in NYC. Wish I could go! ; )
The other night, I invited Janelle out for a spur of the moment dinner with Andrew and I. We walked down to the pizza parlor from Panda's loft (as I was house-sitting). Janelle was sitting outside. Andrew told me on the walk over, "I really like her. "
We met up and talked about absolutely nothing at all. Which is the best kind of talk to have! A part of me feels like Janelle needs that unwind with someone that truly understands things from her end. I managed the top salon in my area for three strong, amazing years and so when I hear her and listen, it's funny to see my exact habits in someone else relatively close to my age.
Andrew is very mature for his age and engages in coversations easily. So, much so, that Panda has even confessed that he just loves to listen to Andrew talk. "He has a great voice!" he confessed to me one evening... "I really like him. He's so cool, Josh."
Janelle texted me later that evening after we took a trip down from our salon to the local frozen yoghurt shop and tells me, "I really like Andrew. He's so cool!"
My evening lately have been rather chill and let me just tell you, that amazes me. I'm super excited. I've been on my quest to finsih editing the direction of my manuscript and change up my personal image a bit. I want to say that I feel like a Rockstar on weekend in the Hamptons. I adore my life right now. Even in the most negative moments, I love my life. And I've had a lot of negatively given out unlawfully to me.
The coolest part of intermingling all of my friends together has been the fact that everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) has genuinely "liked" each other. And I'm not talking in the cheesy Facebook way of "like"ing something, I'm talking genuine good comments about each other. No bashing.
For once, I feel like my life is back on track.
This morning, I had a powerful marketing meeting with my client and advertising rep about some HUGE I am going to invest in. I can't tell you all quite yet, but I'm excited and I shared this opportunity with Janelle and she gave me thumbs up, Panda had a small amount of knowledge about it and has given his thumbs up...
You know, I see him taking amazing strides in his professional life and as much as I don't want to see him move out of my everyday life, if an opportunity is beckoning him to travel and NYC or London come calling, I'm all about supporting my favourite man.
Andrew is waiting for a reply to a program at university in Denver and as much as I don't want to see him leave either, if opportunity knocks- go for it! I remember being 22 and not knowing shit. Truly. I was freshly in the middle of beauty school and had a "Dream Board" hanging in my closet and I've marked out at least 70% of that board to date... how four years changes people!
I wish the best for both my friends.. they have become main fixtures in my life, but as I've learned, the ones that love you and are eternally connected to you NEVER leave! They leave a smudge of their existance on you no matter what.. Panda has taught me to stay drive an believe in myself professionally, Nasia taught me that intergrity and art make the artist in the chair during my sessions, Andrew has taught me to not give a damn about other people's opinons, and in my short time at my new salon home, Janelle has taught me that responsibity and being organized really do matter and that sincerity really DOES prevail at the end of the business day...
and lastly, my mum taught me that trusting your gut and keeping your head held high matters most...


...and that's why I not only love each and every one of them, I genuinely "Like" (Facebook or not) each and every one of them...
Much love lambs
Josh


PS: check out josh-cooley.com


Meditation for the week that I told Panda via tex this morning:

"I am exactly where I need to be at this exact moment in my life and I know exactly where I want to go." xoxo. joshy.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

2.06 - A story about an iconic new image..

Hello hello lambies,




How are you this week?





It's been a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng one. Honestly. Let me just tell you, I NEVER say that, but this week was and it was defenitely taxing on a lot of different personalities.





I'm sitting here listening to a Sex With Emily podcast and finishing up a glass of wine (a German Riesling, btw). It's been an incredibly low-impact day for me. Today was the fourth of July and for many of you that pesonally know me, you may know that I don't celebrate many holidays (Independence Day being one of the them). You may even argue that I actually do celebrate Independence Day by being independent enough to say I do not celebrate and have the freedom to be unpatriotic.





Anyway, today I made a trip to the salon to refresh my colour before my photoshoot tomorrow. Tomorrow is my fourth professional photoshoot. The first of which without the HUGE salon name blasted across my business card. My last photoshoot was absolutely amazing and the pose of me tearing off my jacket has become my iconic pose.





Most celebrities have an iconic picture. For example, everyone has a picture of Marilyn gently holding her skirt down while the wind blows from underneath her. Mine happens to be slashed out in punk-glam couture re-enacting a background dancer from Gaga's "Love Game" video.





Tomorrow, the theme is a bit different. Let's just say I want the "Rockstar Stylist" moniquer to always be with me, but let's switch mindsets to a more laid-back version of who Josh Cooley really is, in fact I'll be rocking shorts, a shirt designed by Last Leaf designs (my neighbour) and Converse. Think: Rockstar on weekend or Sk8r boy meets Josh Cooley. Either way, I'm excited to be working with Kevin once again.





As I got items together as props for tomorrow, I modeled for my mum. "I needed to lost about two more pounds" I told her.





She says, "oh gawd, Joshua! Work out in the morning and call it a day."





Truth be told, I'm much lighter than my Headlines days and feeling better than ever. I am rocking almost zero love-handles. ha ha...





I really believe my last salon environment messed with my head a bit. I felt fat alot of the times and sadly, I'm not even chunky.





Goes to show you, sometimes bigger is not better.





As I sat with my mum and discussed wardrobe and the new laid-back look, we talked about Shampoo Boy. I keep trying to work on the brand more and just don't ever find time. So, I think a collaboration with Mo from Last Leaf seems fitting. I want to begin work on that next month. Look out for the new re-vamped Shampoo Boy!





As I prepare for tomorrow, I want to take the opporunity to announce that the blog (an indie blog mind you) is close to 200 hits, the josh-cooley website is close to 1,000 (it was launched in March, barely!) and the Trendsetters facebook page has grown more than 4x!





Thank you for adding Trendsetters to your online lives.


Thank you for all those visiting my blog and hitting up the website.





Remember, you can book online as well.





My goal for tomorrow's photoshoot is pictures for business cards, VIP Passes, and online marketing and maybe, just maybe, some print marketing.





Tomorrow is a big day and I have visits with Nasia and my godson Jax planned and perhaps some frozen yoghurt with Andrew.



Even though it seems like I am still a busy, busy Rockstar Stylist, I want to thank you all for allowing this Rockstar to make the transition to a more laid-back version of my best self. It's only shown me all my qualities...

PS: Panda says hi and has been busy and mum Yvonne says "thanks" for all those supporting and following her little boy.

Love you all.


Josh Cooley





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