I am not talking about my career or income. Those are figured to be booming even in my times of sickness and yes, that is what, indeed, happened.
Sickness last week.
The last couple weeks, I've cancelled appearances, public events, etc and have felt overly dizzy and the sense of nausea and on Thursday night, my world came crashing down when I stopped talking to a client I rushed through to pardon myself in just even time to barf in the backroom of the salon.
Sad face here, please.
I got myself together, tears in my eyes still. Super glazed and pale-faced and told Jules, "I need help Jules..."
She was soooooo sad for me, had no clue what to do, "babe! What's wrong?!"
I went back up and checked out my client completely embarrassed.
She said, "I'm a mom... Josh, take care of yourself... btw, I never would have known you were sick..."
Saddest part: neither did I.
That afternoon, my favourite fashionista and I had gone to lunch and I had been feeling sick and rushed all week, we went and came back and felt like I had no time to talk and rushed her out. As she left, I dismissed myself down the street to studio J Ry and felt my head, dizzy... walking up the stairs and holding on tightly I felt like I may faint...
I got into my living and sweat the coldest sweat ever.
I dazed at the clock, I had 15 minutes til my next guest... I got up, dabbed myself with a tissue and walked back down to the salon.... as the time grew close to cutting, I felt warmer and warmer and dizzier and dizzier...
I walked outside. It was FREEZING outside, but I felt warm still..
My guest was here.
I rushed through this poor woman's haircut and the scene above followed...
After she had left, I rushed out of the salon, not even taking most of my belongings... Jules said she'd clean up and told me she was worried..
I ran up the stairs and threw up all over my bathroom- mortified and in tears, I cleaned everything up and ran a shower... as I stood in the shower, a flood of ungodly you-know-what came out onto the shower floor.
What the hell was happening?
Now, I HAD TO clean the tub.
As I cleaned the tub and finished, I ran a bath...
Everytime I'm sick, I want to lay in the bath in my eyemask and blank out the world...
I got in the tub and felt sick again, another flood of sickness... this time... rather contained...
I lifted my head to hear a banging at my door.
Thinking it may be Jules following me, I ran to my door wrapped with only a towel, it was my landlord!
She was yelling, "JOSH!! THERE'S A HUGE LEAK!!"
I opened the door and played off, "sorry, you caught me in the shower..."
She apologized and told me, "well, I'll let you get something on and want you to come see this..."
I ran in, still nauseated and cleaned up any traces of being sick or clothes on the ground within two minutes.
As I opene the door, still putting a shirt on, she came to my bathroom and asked if I had noticed a leak, "no, I said..."
"I just got home, I've been rather tired and thought I'd run a bath to relax."
She said, "Well, use your other bathroom in the meantime... this may have a leak."
So, I excused her and she said she'd arrange for a plumber to visit Monday.
As she left... I felt sick again...
How was it that I could contain the urge to vomit in front of people?
Not only in front of clients and co-workers, but not general public like my landlord?
The next two days I stayed in and cancelled all appointments, all appearances, all public events...
A wave of love rushed over me from the internet, phone call and cell phone..
I still felt like shit.
As my mum came over both Friday and Saturday night, we ordered movies on demand and talked. She brought me Vitamin Water and animal crackers and talked to me...
"Do you have the flu?"
-Maybe, I said.
"or do you think your body's telling you something?"
-oh, god, mom!! f--k no!, I replied.
"Josh... maybe it's time to breathe again... you'll always be popular. You'll always be busy. Stop worrying yourself sick."
As Sunday morning came and I felt better... I had no desire for food or coffee, but more so for a cocktail with my mum and, lambs, that's exactly what I did..
I took no phone calls, no texts, not an e-mail, no Facebook -- here's my thing -- cocktails three days later????
Was I sick with a flu or have I worked myself sick????
Whatever you or I come to as our conclusions, one thing I know is mama's save the day... and maybe, just maybe, mama DOES know best.