Sunday, October 31, 2010

4.08 :: A story about having it all and snagging on one..

Hey lambs,

It's Josh here. Sitting at my desk in Studio J Ry sipping the rest of my Crown and Coke and thinking of things to continue writing about...

Well, this week was quite active in terms of people and friends, etc.

After my drunk texts from Leon this week, I sat baffled and the next evening had dinner with my good friend and fellow-stylist Brandis. Brandis is gorgeous! She's young, enthusiastic and passionate. She has this very pin-up style and Ruby Red hair that makes you ask "What did you use to get that?"

She's just amazing.

We talked about me, our salons, our love of hair, and many other random topics. One random topic happened to be Panda (Leon). As I filled her in on the history of Panda and I (please see Volumes 1-3), she sipped her drink and said with squinted eyes, "I really do not like this dude! I want to meet him just to get a view of this guy."

She's uber-sweet, so hearing the distain in her voice let me know I was in the right when allowing people the view into the naked window of my heart when it comes to matter of my, well, heart.

After parting ways, we decided to do it again and I found out at the end of the evening, I once again, had another person to add to my itinerary of regular eats and drinks...

My Friday was filled with an afternoon make-up shopping with ultra-hot friend, Andrew. Andrew and I talked about attitudes, etc and nervousness.

Lately, I've hit a new wall: a wall of nervousness when it come to doing his hair. WTF? Serious? I am so super intimidated by him that it affects my performance. In full discord with myself, we had to bring the subject up over a burger while I murderd three cocktails.

After our sworn peace-to-be at his next hair cut, I went to volunteer at an event for a non-profit organization slightly buzzed... the event, unfortunately, was not a money maker... I felt bad, but felt like the donation of my time was enough.

As the night grew darker, my favourite fashionista, Michelle and I met up and we had drinks to celebrate the birthday of my favourite twins, Anita and Annette and 3Below. After reliving my reggaeton roots and chatting up the place, we ran off and I crashed. Saturday was greeted to much dehydration from my crown/gin/whatever cocktail usage the night before and full book.

This morning, sleeping in felt good and as seeing that I do not celebrate Halloween (I know that burns a few my lambs arses), I felt that an evening with my mum after the full roster of my Brandis, Andrew, Michelle and numerous others this week, My mum would be the one to mellow me out.

As she text me that she was less that five minutes away, another text rang in, from guess who?

That's right!


"Are you in town?" he asked.

"I'm with company" I replied.

"I wanted to know if you'd like to have a drink with me before my gf (girlfriend) gets back"

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS??!?!?! He has a girlfriend?!?!?!


Why would anyone text me that?

It always plays over and over again in my head that Panda never made me a priority, just an option.

And again, here I am being presented as the option. I replied, "No, I'm sorry, my friend. Have a safe night. Maybe some other time."

And then, I just shut my phone off.

As I thought over and over again, it brainfucked me... why is with a girl now? He told me forever that women were not his thing, and being known to have a bi-bone in my body in terms of women, people always labled me as "Gross" or "Double-dipping."

Could it be? Is he straight now?

And secondly, do you know how sad it feels to know that I was never good enough for a boyfriend and he's now with a women?!

That's a confidence buster!

Part of me wants to know why he's texting me recently outta nowhere and part of me wants to just sit down with him and be nosey and ask questions, but the biggest part of me is sad still and wants to tear up thinking about all the wrong he did.

So, here's the part I have to ask?

How should I have reacted?

In a world full of success, wealth and friends, why does this one keep snagging at the afghan of my heart muscle?




Brandis said...

My dear, dear Josh! I not only wanted to see this FOOL to get a view of him, but mostly to tackle his dumb bum! what an idiot to treat someone whom is so wonderful, like trash.. WELL honey, one mans trash is anothers treasure, only noone is ever gunna want garbage named Leon. Truth honey, truth! LOVE!

Jesse Ulibarri said...

Its never "are you good enough", cause YOU know in yourself, and in your actions, that no one compares to, well... YOU. As cliche as that sounds, it is true. It took me to stop hanging out with dumb bitches, and find that Melody truly cares for me and will do anything for me. I for her also... things just work out that way.

The whole reason I moved up here was I guess for a girl. I know that I would never live up to the maintenance that she required, but I realized that it was all in her own head. I am an awesome person, and now she is living alone and single (and closer to 40). That's the result of them not really, knowing what they want...

They think they can do better. Truth is... I in turn did the same thing to Melody, and when I realized what I was doing, I gave US a chance, and now we are both happy, and these other bitches are just lonely soles. They will also most likely remain that way...

Just last week, I was asked out by said person, KNOWING I'm engaged... but she also told me that she missed me... yeah right... fuck that...

You know your an awesome, GOOD, smart, and beautiful person... As much as it hurts to not think about them... your in a better place. Time forgives everything as well as brings the truth in people. We have found that out the hard way... Remember, who you are... no one, can take that away... in turn, they can live in their hell.

Love you man.