Monday, October 11, 2010

4.04 :: A story about changing the filters and possibly piecing the broken glass together..

Good evening lambs,

I'm sitting here in some amazing Diesel jeans and vintage boxing shirt sipping an Iced Coffee thinking of a subject to write about for my yet-to-be-authored sample column for PULP Magazine.

As the weeks have gone on, I find myself always sooo busy and scrambling for time . But it's only about 10pm and my best writing comes at midnight. The theme will come soon, I can feel it.

So, on a recent outing with my mum to complete buying furniture for Studio J Ry, the subject of Leon was brought up and if I'd heard from him. The answer is no. The long version is this is, "no, I haven't and I don't care to hear from him ever again."

You may quote me.

"ever again.."

In these past few weeks of decorating and collaborating with mostly myself, I've found that the Josh-filter keeps catching alot of characteristics that prevent most people in my grasp from attaining the holy title of "best friend".

There really isn't a more perfect candidate than my mum or Nasia and I in our prime, so, the filtering system in place is set to VERY HIGH.

One thing about operating with absolutely no best friend in my life is that my trust in most people is gone. Yep, gone. The moments when someone can prove themselves to me are often missed by a mere few points and the fact hat I weigh a person's character so heavy make me such a Libra and less a Virgo.

So, recently brought to my attention, I heard that I may be known within the gay community as a "bitch". I'm (as I've heard) picky, egotistical, don't give people a fair chance, and no one is ever good enouhgh- that sounds accurate.

In the business world, I am a "marketing genius". -- again, pretty accurate.

In the beauty industry, "a greater talent than even I know..." not sure what to say about that.

One thing I could always depend on when I had Nasia around was that she would keep me grounded. As I text her back and forth now, I find my closeness is not as close as it once was. I can feel the wall being put up from her and as she's stated that her pregnancy has taken alot of her energy and I understand, I am left with an absence of words.

I'm truly happy that she has her kids and her husband and her career and love that her clients adore her, but I miss my time with her. I miss my best friend.

My creative collaborator is gone. Janelle has taken on the role as my business collaborator. Jules my drinking collaborator. Michelle fills my fashionista void. Andrew my venting collaborator and the realist of all my friends that reminds me of my humanity and my mum is still my mentor and manager of Joshua Ryan, Inc.

But my best friend position is yet to be filled. In my pursuit of filling this void, I'm left to ask the following:

Do I keep searching in a world of people not-so-perfect for the job OR

Do I ask for Nasia to come back?

Feedback is appreciated



PS: I'll leak my PULP submittion soon... Stay tuned.

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