Thursday, July 22, 2010

2.12 - A story about living through someone..

J Ry's shopping list
-D&G - check
-Lacome Creme Douceur - later
-CHI Ionic Colour - check
-Panda - check
-lasting friendship(s) - meeting later, but check
-a need to be seen and be talked to - absolutely triple check
Good morning lambs,
It's about 10 am on a Thursday morning and I'm getting ready to start out my day. Today I had planned on taking the day off and actually will be taking clients about 3 pm, but that's no biggie. In fact, it's rather enjoyable.
As I sit here, I'm sitting at Panda's loft, at the dining room table. We spent last night going through clothes, items, boxes, memories and had a fabulous dinner around 10 last night. He's a fabulous cook and a fabulous friend.
Words cannot merely paint the picture or express how much I love him or how much it troubles me when I don't get a reply via text or phone call, etc. In fact, I'm a bit obsessive over him. It's a flaw of mine that comes out as a control issue in my life, perhaps from childhood?
Who knows.
So, Tuesday night, I had sushi with a friend of mine that I had tried to date at one point. He's on his way to design school and I am super thrilled for him. I remember being his age and being in design school and absolutely wishing for the best: my own illustration line, website and to be the new tokidoki. In fact, when I was in design school Simone Legno (tokidoki founder) was not even popular yet, he was in many of the design magazines I submitted items to at the very same time, a few years later and an illustration series and a website later, I through in the towel and ran off to cosmetology school.
I don't regret it.
I make way more now than I ever did doing freelance anything.
As my friend told me of his plans, all I could do was remember being his age and wanting the most. I wish now, I would have went off to fashion school in Italy, but stayed because my mum said, "no".
Even now, it's hard for me to let go of people.. especially when I'm close to them or have a history with them. But I've realized with age and eight years later, that it's best for them to pursue and travel and learn about the world and expose themselves to the real world!
Panda always tells me he's living vicariously through me. I told my friend the other day how proud I was of him and told him, "omg, I just want to live vicariously through you."
All of sudden, it came full-circle.
Panda deeply has an attachment to me and wants me to push myself to my utmost limit like I want my design friend to. I never understood what he said through that sentence and as I sit here in his loft and look around, I think to myself, "wow, I'm absolutely blesssed."
My personal life is not always perfect, but it's mine.
I think back now to when I was working at my last salon and think about what people were saying about me and judging me and judging Panda and Nasia and all associated with me including things I do, people I love and don't so much care for and think, "wow, I made the right choice."
Even now when I get wind of something discomforting, I just brush it off after the initial shock.
I know that deep down, it's so important for me to keep my integrity because people are looking up to meand looking forward to what I have up my sleeve next.
Next month, I'm launching an ad campaign that will be mailed out to 50,000 homes in my area. I want to expand my clientele tremendously! Something I've dreamed of is having the power and money to do this and then start building the foundation of my life and then invest more money into opening Joshua Ryan, Inc as a real salon, a private studio and headquarters for all my projects.
Will Panda be involved?
Will my mum be involved?
Design friend?
My salon lambs?
Yes, no, and maybe so... the answer to that question is still up in the air and I can honestly tell you, "I like that."
I like that I can't answer that question right now because that is what gives me the drive to continue to live and to allow others to live through me...
Here's to life and the weekend.
J Ry aka, Joshua Ryan aka Josh Cooley aka Joshy aka
To live through me daily and in random moments of excitement and not-so-exciting moments, follow me on Twitter at

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