So, it's 2:45 am... I'm sitting her sipping water at Panda's dining room table as he sleeps in the other room.
I met up this evening with a good friend of mine from high school. She is a friend, a Rockstar client, MAC enthusiast and my main tweet-er online.
Joining our evening was my little sister, Miss Adrian and *you guessed it* Panda.
We talked about alot of different things tonight and I shared a story tonight with Panda about how Michelle influenced me as a young teenager in high school through the world of cosmetics.
I remember beingh the only gay kid with a tube of MAC Lipglass in the bottom of my DJ Bag. I would sneak off and watch the glimmer and then wipe it off as soon as I could to only leave a residue of it's essential glamour... a hint of deweyness... and a defense mechanism as not to get my ass kicked later in the day for wearing make-up.
As I told this story, it became very clear that Michelle was there WAY BEFORE I was The Original Pretty Boy. In fact, she was there in the embryonic stage of my personal climb to style and cosmetic guru.
It was so coincidence that I told this story again because today Panda and I were working on our bios for our salon's website. He wrote his (it's incredibly impressive) in a good half a page... mine, I printed off my website was a three page booklet about my rise to the top an why I'm on top... which bring me to this...
Alot of people texted me, twitttered me, and e-mailed me about the blog. One person wasn't so honoured to be in the blog and one was concerned I was divulging too much. Which bring me to the following...
The last week or so, I've been in a questionable state with my bff. As Boo and Panda and I went out for cocktails last week some evening, I received a text that I was changing and hanging out with the wrong crowd.
I ignored the texts and the "ass kicking" started.
The next day at the salon, it was like walking on eggshells around me and my bff. The tenstion was SO THICK you could cut it ..
That evening, I called my bff and recieved a voicemessage cue and left a message, "I want to talk. I feel wierd about last night."
The next evening as my salon lambs all got ready to attend a very public affair, Panda got spruced up to attend the even with a new love interest and Boo ran off with her nephew to visit a family member that evening, my loneliness kicked in.
As my loneliness kicked in and I thought selfishly about Panda and his new found crush, I realized I was smothering him. He should have the opportunity to express himself to someone besides me. I came to that realization only to be interrupted by a couple e-mails on my Blackberry from my bff.
She certainly was not happy or holding back.
In the e-mail, she said I divulge too much to people at the salon and outside the salon and that I am changing and she doesnt' even recognize who I am anymore.
I didn't reply.
As I went out that evening with my mum for sushi and cocktails, I recieved a text around drink order number two.
"did you get my messages" sent by bff
me: "I recieved them this evening" [sent coldly]
me: "I appreciate your words."
the next few lines of text literally had me in tears in front of my mum and all my loneliness and attemtped texts an calls to Panda were ignored. There was no BFF to talk to seeing that she was upset with me and my poor mum was not pleased at all (after all, I am her baby).
I really began to think, "is this really the end of the road for me and my besty? Have our interests changed?"
Today, I received only four lines of text from her.
She is saying she's hurt because I say too much. And I feel like I'm not allowed to speak anymore... at work, in my personal life, in my blog and Josh universe.
and as I think of her divorcing me as her best friend or even stepping back a few notches, it breaks my heart.
One thing that stuck out was when he said she doesn't recognize who I am anymore. I had to wonder, to I even recognize myself anymore?
Am I anything like who I was when I started in this field four years ago? Am I the same as I was at 16 wearing MAC Lipglass with Michelle in school? Who was I?
The Original Pretty Boy?
A Successful Online Personality and Stylist?
A blow hard?
Someone who talks to much about way too personal things?
A mean girl?
Who was I? Who AM I?
Tonight, as Panda went to bed, he told me, "I loved you at work today. That was the realest I've ever seen you, Josh" and I had to wonder
Have I changed?
I have my panda that adores me and thinks the world of me now.
I have my bff who can't stand me anymore and says I'm changing.
I have me who understands I have to change and miss the old days. The post-lipglass days. The post design school days. The days of being Nasia's assistant and learning from her.
Today, I was informed I went 7x Platinum ... 4 consecutive months in 2010 and 3x last year = 7x. That's alot of sales. That's alot of product. That's alot of thank you's to my salon lambs.
But is that who I am?
As I edit my bio and realize all I've accomplish, I have to wonder: is this really me?
...more to come later...
TO READ MY BIO, BOOK AN APPOINTMENT or JUST CUZ, visit http://www.josh-cooley.com/
To follow me on Twitter, add me at http://www.twitter.com/prettyboyedu
My friend Michelle is @michellemarie84 - my best tweet-er online!
To Michelle, thank you for a great dinner and cocktails! You f--king rock!
To my panda, thank you for inspiring me and loving me and making me feel "real". Your generosity speaks millions to me.
To my sissy, Miss Adrian, thank you for dealing with my shit.
To my Nasia- I'm sorry, I love you and want us to work this out. You mean the world to me and it's not worth me changing if I have to lose you.