Monday, April 5, 2010

1.01 - A story about my Panda.

Dear lambs,

If you haven't had the chance to grab Yehuda Berg's latest book called, "The Power to Change Everything", please do!

I'm about 3/4 of the way through my copy and even though I've been a student of Kabbalah since I was 18, you don't have to study Kabbalah to get the concepts in this book. In fact, I don't know if you could really even classify this as a Kabbalah book. For all my skeptical friends, this is perfect, non-offensive intro to Kabbalah through the topics of global awareness and how to change the situation we find ourselves in globally.

Please pick up a copy or read a preview online if you get a chance. E-mail feedback to me or even at Yehuda to your Twitter account and follow him at

Tonight, as I watched Food Network and made my way to Logo for a "Queer As Folk"-fest, I stopped online and did some Spring season shopping. I see alot of transitions into this Fall's take on 90s Grudge 2010 Style! Lots of prints this summer and spring lambs. Repetitive text is always haute on tees and just so you know, Converse are in until flip-flop season along with Henleys and 80s-inspired retro glasses!

Speaking of fashion, I'm taking some time to rework Shampoo Boy. Yep. Time to rework it and relaunch it. I feel like the concept is good, but the brand needs to blossom NOW.

On a professional level, life is amazing. This week, however, I had a really hard time in a meeting with my business associate and just went ape-shit! He told me things look amazing, but improvement is always expected and to me, it felt like life was always cool between the two of us both in and out of the salon. I totally had a Diva fit and he was very upset and after much heated words, we split ways for a few days and the day of split literally filled me with the most pain I've had since a break-up.

For me, "Panda" as we'll refer to him, is amazing. He is a salon mentor for both the amazing locaitons we currently have and he is a good friend to me outside of the salon. After the meeting, I found him very distraught and dissapointed with my words expressed. I thought everything was okay... but after many unanswered messages and voice-mails, I got the hint that he was angry with me. It was sad.

After another day, I began to panic! Did he hate me?!

Day three, nothing. I was officially depressed. I was over it. I was so crushed. I think what hurt me was that I just didn't want to lose my friendship with him. See, even though he is brilliant in this industry. I genuinely felt a friendship since getting to know him this January. He means so much to me. I started talking to a friend and she told me, "you pick the wrong people to like." I couldn't accept that.

I talked to another friend that told me I was snobby and rude and that that was expressed in the way I described stories about how me and Panda spent our time and our conversations.

I was crushed. Again.

Then as Sunday came and I started thinking: maybe I am a rude, snobby little c-nt. I've described myself that way. So, after reading Yehuda's book and accepting my ego and humiliation. The best thing I could do was pray that Panda would forgive me. Tonight, over a Facebook chat, I'm pretty sure he did.

I'm glad.

I thought I lost him and to my surprise. He shared the fact that he hasn't been feeling too hot lately either and needed some time away from me. It's okay: I'm a bit overwhelming.

He expressed to me that he has low self-esteem and is suffering from lack of a personal life. I told him to join the club because so was I. And all of a sudden, I realized I needed to be there again. To forgive and be there. Just let it go and be there. Don't worry about the argument. Don't worry about being a self-confessed c-nt, don't worry about others- be a friend.

If you're reading this, Panda, I'm going to tell you gain: I adore you. You are remarkable. You are handsome. You are professional and I can't go on without your guidance. I need you around and I genuinely love you to pieces. Keep it in mind.

So, to all my lambs reading this, I'm going to tell you the two rules I told him during our chat:

1. just be you.

2. remember that someone somewhere is always thinking about you and that you matter to that person even when you think nobody is thinking about you.

Much love to all my lambs and pandas out there.


Visit: to follow me on Twitter to check out Shampoo Boy online!

This blog is dedicated to my panda, Leon.

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