How are you? It's roughly 2am on Thursday morning and I'm sitting up in my family's home. Everyone is either out of town or ignoring my phone calls. --haha. Well, at least, I think they're ignoring my phone calls.
It's been a week since my crazy ordeal last Thursday and all I can say is that things between my friends and I are crazy. Both are very busy with their own lives, but all of us have somehow kept distance from each other. Not fun.
I talked to Panda a couple times this evening who hasn't felt well recently and took some time to visit him mum out of town. Panda's birthday is coming up on Tuesday and as I find myself excited, I find him not as excited. I asked him, "what do you want for your birthday? I want to plan something extra special!"
He replied, "Josh, I'm just thank ful for my family, friends and to be alive."
I'm like, "but of course, you want something, right?!?"
At the end of the day, I see how humble this individual is and realize why I'm so blessed to have him around. I also see, after all the talk of he and I spending time together why people are so rude in their judgements with me lately as well. Is it funny to say that I feel alot of jealousy from peers recently?
For a while now.
But jealousy is defenitely the word.
The other night as I tried to talk with a close friend about my harassment and hate crime situation, she angrily snapped and replied, "how foolish, babe."
"I think you're burning all your bridges with your friends and associates. No one would want to do business with a trouble maker or troubled-person like yourself."
That was the first time I'd ever been labled either and, truly, it made alot of sense to me why she'd say that and after a few seconds I became very offended that the fact that my friend just passed judgement on me and basically through that comment washed her hands of me.
It was depressing.
It was incredibly un-inspiring.
As I thought about it on they way home that night, I though to myself about Panda and Andrew and how they both were there the evening of my altercation and how Panda stood up for me and has been shunned due to the fact by a couple peers and how Andrew was harmless in the situation and just kept asking me, "what's the matter?" and told me not to worry.
Alot of this has surged through my brain as I've seen clients, read your Facebook messages, tweets, e-mails, etc asking about my safety and expressing your amazing sentiments at this time. All of these things have influenced he direction of my manuscript in which I'm more than half-way through and writing chapters about the person about and my own best friend and having to re-evaluate there roles now versus when I first got into the industry: which is what "Pretty Boy Education" is all about.
The book, although, not complete, is rounding out nicely and with a schedule set for completing the draft and submitting it in September, I find myself wanting to write the sequel and planning the sequel of my life after this book is being passed around the editing table at the publisher's office.
I found out alot about myself re-reading my book thusfar and making edits. From someone who has been at the bottom and worked my way up and been through personal drama and stilll grew my business: it's lonely on the top. Classic line. But true.
As I make way to (hopefully) recieve my either (yes, eighth!) Platinum certification this month, I realize all those records don't count for all the friends and associates that have left me through the time of building my business, but for every one of those eight records, I can certainly name someone special at that time in my life...
So, I ask myself this: is it okay to take a break from multi-Platinum status and work on being Josh and work on all my projects or do I keep investing in this lifestyle that fuels the rumour mill and creates envy?
Lots on the brain this week, lambs. Stay tuned for next week.
thank you to Leon for being my rock.
thank you to Brandy, Karleen and Trish for your amazing e-mails.
thank you to Cyndi for coming all the way from Nebraska to see me.
thank you to Franny for your undying love.
thank you to Colleen for listening.
thank you to Michelle for making me feel special always and rocking it 60s style.
thank you to Brandy #2 for your new friendship and witty comments
thank you to Rickie for "liking" all my Facebook posts.
and thank you to Andrew, for your silent face and undying kindness.