6.04 :: The Butterfly Effect in a "Sorry".

Good evening lambs,

It's a clear June night and almost midnight as I type this sipping a black cup of coffee after fleeing my parents' house this evening: that situation has rarely ever presented itself.

They were not fighting.

They were not rude.

They were not welcoming, either though.

In a time when I should enjoy my Sunday with my most trusted confidante, my mum, she was blitzed-tired and ready to sleep. My Guela was also there and my dad talking to my Guela. My sister went downstairs to the family room to watch TV and I was left on the couch to text to well, no one.

I for once felt incrdibly overshadowed by my family.

The most amazing situation presented itself ealier in the day when my uncle Jay came over and removed porn viruses from my laptops. Yes, you read that right! Porn viruses... I was a naughty boy for once and got caught in the act by cyberspace and have been without laptop for a week. Can you imagine?

Reliving comedy with Jay this afternoon reminded me of him living with us when I grew up and him moving to Pueblo with us and my house being warm and welcoming and when he left Studio J Ry today, I went to Casa de Cooley and the above scenario presented itself.

There was no warmth today, just a tired feeling. I literally spent less than 45 minutes in my old home and left. That NEVER happens and funny part was, it seemed as if no one gave a shit.

For me, I realized that the energy of "home" travels with me. If I'm at the salon, I try to bring that familiar warmth to my guest, if at Studio J Ry alone or entertaining, I bring the warmth for others. When I revisit Casa de Cooley, my parents' estate, it comes in with me... it also... unfortunately, must leave with me.

A situation presented itself at 3am this morning between Andrew and I. We had a miscommunication with a mutual friend that did not know me and contacted me. Me, in my sarcasam, misinformed the friend of Andrew's whereabouts and some might say, disclosed too much information. At 2am, I read Andrew's post on Facebook and he mentioned he was up and couldn't sleep, I posted "why".

I recieved a call..

I answered, "what's the matter?"

"YOU!" he said.

"Me?"

"Why are you talking about me? You have no business talking about me."

Long story short, Andrew expressed his distain for the situation and said the words, "And you're not even sorry, are you?"

Lambs, I rarely am.

My goal is to never make a friend upset, but it's like whoever talks to me that is mutual tells my friends another story and then, my friends call defensive... it's such a butterfly effect with me that at the end of most days, I'm very lonely.

The result of this 3am phone call was a "Coolness" between the pair of us and the understanding that Andrew does not live as public as I do. He does not like to be talked about.

I generally only talk about how awesome he is and how he's become a saviour to me when most friends have left me. He's been a standing force for the last couple years and he still is. This was the first real conflict we ever had and I don't wish to relive it. We are two strong personalities and I, in this case, did a bad. So, when I said I was sorry to him humbly, I was.

I was however miffed at the the little troll that ran his mouth to Andrew. That's never cool! I hate backstabbers... especially when it's someone that doesn't know me well.

So, to Andrew (if he's reading) I'm sorry for once. And to my family, I'm sorry for leaving today, but my warmth was on the fritz and did not travel well with me today.

For once, I felt ultimate loneliness at the thought of losing Andrew. I saw Jay today and saw what connection I had been missing for these past few years and when I was with my family, I thought, "What if I wasn't around as much, would they miss me like I'd miss Andrew and Jay?"

I miss Nasia. I have to admit though, I'm not in the mood for the drama or reconciling yet and it's eating a hole into my patience and friendships and family.

I wish she understood the butterfly effect and how it took one phone call, one accusatory text to end up as this lonely little blog where I reflect about someone not saying "Sorry".

So, for all of you like me that dont' say sorry... make it a point to get humble and say so, you'll lose alot of great people if you don't.

-Josh

6.03 :: Oprah reminded me.

Good afternoon lambs,

It's a windy monday here at Studio J Ry and I'm finishing a tepid cup of coffee and listening to "Sex and the City" play in the backgroud.

My Blackberry has been dinging non-stop all yesterday and this morning. I thought it was supposed to be Memorial Day weekend? Oh well, I think I broke my own "no work" rule by going in later today to service a couple clients of mine. Wow. It just never stops does it.

This past week has been amazing. Business was thriving and bold last week and it was a week without bumps for the first time. Not so much that there's been conflict, but that it's been as though I'm been nit-picky or letting small things or enviromental things bother me.

I was watching Diane Sawyer on OWN's "Masterclass" and she made the following statement that was so goddamned profound:

"A cristicism is a really bad way of making a request. Just make the request."

That resonated with me on so many levels. Seriously!

Have I just been critical and have I been cristicised through karma lately? Basically, I'm asking and know the answer at the same time: have I spent so much time critiquing business practices that I'm actually bringing the critics to critique me?

With that said, last week, I let alot of stuff just brush off my shoulder and did not let petty shit affect me. If I had to do a management course, I would tell people to never be blind to what's around you, but don't be so confrontational either and that's one thing I've been- super confrontational.

Oprah officially ended her 25 year reign on daytime and I ran to the newstand for the new issue of O Magazine and logged on to see where the woman is going and not only is she assuming her role as "Oprah" in the universe and television industry, she's moving to LA. For me, that's so not a reality. She has become synonomous with Chicago.

I can't see myself moving anytime soon, but I always express the want or need to retire out of the country or in wine country in Northern California which means that I want to retire somewhere in my late fifties meaning my "25 year" or so reign has started in the SoCo area. It means, as soon as I have my salon open and running, if I decide to move away and retire or at least havea summer home, I have another minimum of a quarter of a century to show people what I'm made of in local business.

Oprah has set this standard for me.

I also have been talking with my editor and publisher at PULP about a possible "Haute Mess" one-year later party. I am so proud of the success of my writing and so happy that people are responsive to it. I was working on a book when I approached PULP about a column and was already blogging heavily online and it's as if I've already attained a sense of success in writing through online and local mediums. So why would I not pursue finishing my book?

Oprah reminded me of that as well.

The new Gaga album was released this week to mixed reviews and for someone who was so skeptical that this would be a success, I bought the album and adore it. I reminds me so much of the misfortune of relationships and being "stoned", called "Judas", trying and reaching your goals and at the end of the day still obsessed by the relationships and connections that just did not flourish past a certain point. Alot of songs remind me of the times of Leon, Headlines and multiple Nasia-moments (both good and bad).

Oprah talked about working with passion during her last show and I cried heavily wanting nothing more than to hug her for being there. That last show was a tear-drenched motivational monologue about how passson = happiness and the desire to recieve is a manifestation. She normally brought out the human in the star and for me, my clients bring out the human in me, a self-promclaimed Rockstar Stylist.

The other night at the Downtown Bar I was reminded of this and my conversations with my new confidante Lisa have affirmed this... but most importantly...

Oprah reminded me.

xoxo.
Josh

6.02 :: Not interested... and that's okay.

Good evening Rockstars and Lambs,

I'm sitting in my office at Studio J Ry sipping a bottle of water after an afternoon and evening of hanging out with my parents. After tuning in for the climatic season finale of Celebrity Apprentice, I got in my car and zoomed back home to download Gaga's latest album, "Born This Way"...

The album is downloading as I type this. The Golden Girls are on in the living room and I sip-sipping my way to a night of relaxation and a manana of the same.

This week has been relatively busy on many different levels. This was, for once, a very slow week for me business-wise. Most of the downtown area was blocked off as of Tuesday to make way for the Wild West Fest. I was to be terribly committed in the salon this week and had been asked to help/participate at numerous booths and declined all offers Monday night. At the end of the week, I had 40% rescheduled guests due to not even wanting to play with parking issues and a serious annoyance with last-minute call-ins the day of their appointment or they called so late in the day that I could not even make a spot available for another guest. I took that as a hint from the universe that I was supposed to lay-low and hang out at home.

As it turned out, I was available to work on Friday representing my second home as a public personality: The PULP booth. The PULP is an independent/alternative publication I contribute for by writing my fashion and trend column, "Haute Mess" (you can see back-issues at http://www.pueblopulp.com/).

Surprisingly, I really enjoyed representing and helping out my team. I had never really involved myself and always thought of myself as a personality, and not a team member. This weekend, as much as I played the local celeb, I had so much fun participating and not being obligated to do anything except be me. They are one amazing group of people.

I had a mixture of night events that were not so great this week. Alot of people ditching out on me due to time-constraints, other obligations or just general "lack of interest".

I was at an event on Saturday evening that I walked with Andrew down to a tent event and could not handle the crowd. The scene was just not "me". Have you ever felt out of place so incoherently that you wanted to simply dissapear or run? That's what happened.. I hugged Andrew after twenty minutes of standing grumbily and excused myself, "Have fun with your friends" I said and dashed off.

As I walked off in the night down the street I call home. I walked silently and calmly back to Studio J Ry. My friend texted me, "I just woke up. So Sorry."

Poor thing, she had been working the festival too. I don't blame her for being tired. All my other friends had dashed off to other venues or houseparties (which do not peak my interest) and I began to text Andrew. Tears were in my eyes...

I texted him that I was sorry for being a bitch and that it simply wasn't my scene to accompany him that evening. My main concern was that I did not want his friends or him to think poorly of me for leaving. The truth was: I was being a bitch who thought I was too good for the crowd. I had an ego moment and my tears weren't coming from leaving, but from being a douchebag.

All of the hand-shakes, public acclaim and compliments had come to a screeching hault when I went to that event. I was no longer the star. Sure, there were some attentive goers, but I found myself saying, "this is not my scene and I hate it here" out loud.

I knew that this devilish person saying these things had to go. I had to go home. As I left, someone stopped me, it was one of Nasia's clients. She said, "I LOVE following you online, you look so damn good! I'm so proud of you.

Had she not heard about the recent falling out?

Once again, another Josh-Nasia falling out.

"I need to lose 20 more pounds", I said.

"you're being stupid! You're fucking hot!" she said. "Whatever you're doing, I'm proud of you."

I had seen an influx of my peers do things at this event I would have NEVER DONE. I don't represent something unless my heart is in it and for once since my time leaving Headlines, I saw myself cling to my own interest and not the interest of the salon. Janelle was working alone with her friend, mom and boyfriend in tow and I was merely, 'a public personality'.

I see me growing away from my peers and branching off into different interests. Interests that are my own, interests I don't wish to share, but wish to push passionately as a Kindergartener and say, "look what I did today!"

I saw that person as I walked away from Andrew's group. He was so sweet and his friends were too, but the event was not my interest (nor his, I heard the next day) and I've had to accept that that is okay. I did not want to work outside the salon because, frankly, feather extensions aren't my thing. I just want to make my clients happy... and there's nothing wrong with that.

I looked at my texts as I was about a block away from my doorway and saw a text from Nasia that morning apologizing for her outburst the week prior and began to write an e-mail. I deleted it.

I deleted her message and my reply and by the time I got home, I had planned out my response.

I was in the bubble bath listening to the live music just downstairs outside my window and re-read the influx of texts from friends, "you look good", "let's do bevs or dinner next week", "sorry couldn't make it."

And then I remembered the last text I got from Nasia saying we're different and have grown apart. I got up, got dressed and e-mailed my reply.

Maybe my interests have changed...

I have to understand that NOT all crowds, interests or previous co-stars are mine, we change. Change is scary when it's good and as Saturday turned into Sunday, I was terrified.

xoxo.
JRy

Dedicated to my favourite confidante Andrew. I'm sorry for being a picky-bitch and love you for hanging out with a picky bitch like me. ; ) x0x0-jry

Dear Lisa, you are a sweet co-star by far that I am adoring getting to know you. We all fall asleep sometimes. ; ) xoxo-jry.

6.01 :: One bumpy ride.

Good afternoon lambs,

It's a brisk May afternoon in the heart of SoCo as I type this. I'm sipping a hazelnut soy latte and reading all the latest on Gaga's soon to be released single, "Hair".

As I'm reading up on her and reading up on Donald Trump saying he's NOT running for president and Madonna's interest in Vita Coco Coconut Water, I'm looking at these people I admire and see so much stuff...

You have one (Miss Gaga) that is releasing more music even before the album has come out.

You have the other (Mister Trump) that wants to make a bold move, toyed with the thought and is saying it's okay, he's content being The Donald and not The President.

Then, my major mentor Madge having the controlling interest in a beverage company. Again, setting trends and making waves in a field outside of the music industry.

For me, these last couple months have been aggravating and creative on an embryonic level. Like Gaga, I keep giving hints of a salon I'm opening and have starting getting all the plans into motion toward opening Joshua Ryan, Inc. Like Mister Trump, I'd like to do something major like become a technical director or lead make-up educator for TIGI or L'Oreal and pull away when opportunity is near and like Madge, my other interest being a fashion columnist, online personality and author is proving to be a very successful venture.

Is this spreading ourselves too thin getting in the way of growing on a personal level?

I have to wonder at times, is it all too much too soon or am I filtering out all the items I want now.

Clearly, a salon is going to be happen. I'm aggravated with my current setting not being I hate being there, but because I simply do not play by rules very well. I am a superstar, I believe and know that, and need to be treated like one. I am not someone who works 3 days a week.
I work for Joshua Ryan, Inc 24/7 and as soon as I can open a studio, I'm happy. June 1st begins stage one of working on imagery, a photoshoot, ordering stations and scouting a location.

I left Headlines last June 1st and June 3rd started working at my friend's studio. Lately, the polluted and congested nature of Headlines is rearing it's dirty little dragon's mouth into my life and projecting hate and jealousy to me through the devilish words of the owner's mother (curve ball!) and even my once-best friend. In a text sent Saturday, I was asked if we could separate and split ties. After years of frustration and realizing that Headlines has a hold on her, I have decided OFFICIALLY that Nasia and I need our space.

I wish her well and love her family, but we often ask for thing we don't think will come true and this time she may just get what she's asking for. She asked for a separation and said we grew apart, well, then, let's just grow apart already. One day, she'll come around, in the meantime, my focus will unfortunately, NOT be on her. Sad sitiuation really.

Headline's queenmother decided to stop me in a restaurant and let me know she hates my ad campaign, therefore, I renewed my contract and will be back in 50,000 homes in the area by the second week of June this time NOT USING hairmodels, but myself. I want my face shown and known.

These two situations have allowed me to decide to release my support as a businessman of Headlines and it's contents, employees, contracted engagements and influence thereof. The evil nature of the people has creeped into the lives of people I once admired. It now, serves as the fire under my arse to create the so-often talked about JOSHUA RYAN name.

I have had numerous offers this year to represent for the likes of major names L'Oreal and TIGI. Also two small brands have contacted me. Right now, this adventure is NOT my priority. I will not be representing any company except my own at this time. The focus must be 100% on me.

Finally, the success of my column, "Haute Mess" has brought me events and appearances this summer including my place as a judge for a dancing competion. All the money goes to charity to help Pueblo, Colorado's homeless. I am honoured and can't wait to be there August 13th juding in my "hautest" way known.

So, that is Volume 6. Volume 6 is back to Josh. There may be some drama. There may be content that makes people angry and you will KNOW about it first hand. I have never been one to censor or filter my life or it's contents on my blog.

Stay tuned lambs, this summer's gonna be one bumpy fucking ride.

xoxo,

Joshua Ryan

5.13 :: A story about honouring my clientele...

Good morning lambs!

It's early on a Tuesday morning and I'm sipping coffee, wearing a yellow Shampoo Boy by J Ry t-shirt and Diesel trunks tip-tapping away from the office at Studio J Ry.

Freshly tanned.

Freshly up.

Freshly sneezing... yep, it's allergy season.

When I was a little guy, allergy season killed me! As a teenager, it was murderous! I could NOT focus, in my early twenties, I even called off a couple times, a business owner, NEVER! I would take whatever I could (still do to this day) to suppress the urge of sneezing and hurting eyes to take care of my client.

I am at a position where my career cannot be turned off, not for sickness, not for a anything.

I was offered ANOTHER position with a beauty brand LAST week from TIGI and have been outweighint my options: L'Oreal or TIGI?

I've had conflicts in my head like, "Why can't we ALL get along?"

My strong belief is that all haircare brands are good at what they do or at least have ONE facet they're amazing at. So, a couple of weeks ago, I started a beauty blog. I have always wanted to publicly endorse products through hairshows, class appearances and public stamps of approvable and currently, on my side, I have stamps from six different companies that wanted to hire me. I've also been trained by four of them.

Think of all the endorsement as my "portfolio". Some of them are key players, some NOT so much.. anymore.

The other day I was talking about competition and the whole hairdresser loyalty subject to a guest of mine. I outwieghted why someone like me that is cocooned in their life and sees the two (my personal and business) as the same: I LIVE it artistically. I live the dream . I sewed the two together the way a public personality (Rachael Ray, Lady Gaga, Madonna) sews their projects to them like medals or, even so, arms and limbs, whereas there are other stylists our there that may be techinically gifted but have OTHER things on their brains like their boyfriends, clubbing and being seen at events, but not promoting themselves, just living.

Niether (Artist) Hairdresser A or (At-work) Hairdresser B is the better example. The two are generally amazing at what they do in their own way. Just like my favourite beauty brands. Different bottles, different scents, different marketing, but just as good, and JUST AS professional.

This creates competition.

Competition is NEVER BAD. In fact, the main goal of competition is to recognize the TOP in that particular field. I respect my comepeting peers and have strived long and hard to become a competitor in the local hair arena.

Recently being told I have to make decision to step away and education propelled me to tell a major corporate brand representative, "I am incredibly busy behind the chair. Don't make me chose one, because my clients win."

To leave for a brand will never be the story of my life.

I do not wish to "shadow" a "senior" artist in my life ever. I do not see them as competition. They're two different jobs. One creates (me) and one sells and educates (them). I do both in my salon and to remove the client interaction for me would be like me walking around with an oxygen tank during allergy season.

Sure, it's hard to breather sometimes and sure my eyes itch, but I'm up and at 'em and doing it. Itch and sneeze suppressent in place at time, but I rock out my day and don't let someone put an oxygen mask on me. No one has control over me and that's what the "oxygen mask" symbolizes in this case. Allergies are my obstacles both literally and metaphorically.

So, to assure you all, I'm not going anywhere. I'm here. I'm happy and I will always make the best decisions that honor my dreams, but also, honour my clientele.

xoxo.

Josh

5.12 :: A story about integrity

Good morning lambs!

Well, well, it's St. Patrick's Day! I can't believe it. 2011 is marching past me one little day at a time.

As I look back at the blog, it's almost a year old!

Has it lost it's zeal?

No. I don't think so.

I think it's defenitely changed focus. We've had our drama haven't we? HA HA.

I look back at some of my high-points about hanging out with friends and lows like leaving my last salon that actually were highs where I was super distraught and the emotion conveyed is so pure!

I think back to that place now a year ago and I was trying to make something happen that didn't need to happen. I had just booked a tour with CHI Academy to start in April and last date to end on my birthday, August 30th. By April 10, my tour had been cancelled as well as all my appearances unconfirmed and eventually Farouk Stystems didn't even reply except to tell me to "pay [my] own way" due to downsizing in education and budget cuts.

L'Oreal had come up on the horizon and pulled the distribution rights for the beauty distributor in Denver I was consulting for and teaching for freelance. I was so not happy about that because it killed every opportunity!

I was unhappy at Headlines and I was trying to make things happen with "Panda" that were not even really there emotionally and for me, that was THE CLOSEST to a relationship I had gotten myself into and none of my friends or co-workers were happy for me.

Wierd, huh?

Classic story: super successful, young, ambitious, has it all, and at the same time, had nothing.

I had my clients and a dream.

As Stylines shut it's doors, L'Oreal came knocking. Being the largest beauty manufacturer in the world and a colour line I've always loved, I jumped at the chance to become a certified colourist with the company. Once you've hit L'Oreal, that's kinda the creme de la creme of the haircolour buisiness, you're haircolour royalty. As I received my certificate, I gained the confidence to walk away from Headlines. And the next day, I resigned and the following morning I cleared out my shit, and walked into my beauitful future.

As all of this was going on, Panda ended up using me for money and getting him out of financial jams while I, myself, did not know if I was gonna be in business 6 weeks later. Money was good, my stress load lifted as I walked and I turned my back on CHI and had an offer from Joico to educate for them eventually turning them down (a year later, I wish I would have said yes)

I've only turned two manufacturers down EVER!! FHI tried to hire me while I was training with CHI and Joico as L'Oreal had approached me.

As the year has gone by, I solidified myself as more than a Rockstar stylist, I propelled myself into public personality. Taking on public events, a new photoshoot, a HUGE ad campaign, the PULP Awards, writing for PULP and building my clientele.

As 2011 hit, I realized the talent and power were there. I'd become a mainstay, almost an icon in local business and needed to dent the industry once more. L'Oreal contacted me this last week asking for me to shadow and begin the process of becoming a technical director for the state of Colorado.

So, with a column, a solid clientele and a public persona- this Rockstar is moving on and back into educating one's self into being Tabatha, Vidal, and Anthony Mascolo with alot of attitude and ALOT OF diva! LOL!!!

Along the way, my friends have changed. I consider my clientele a major partof who I am. If you count them all, I have roughly 350 close friends and 150 of those that see me regularly. My close group has changed (kinda- not really).

I have my mum (of course), Nasia, and Andrew. Things are warming up between Tish and I and I'm still searching for someone to fill the relationship void in my life. (well, not really)

Through this whole year, you guys have taught me, I can DO IT! And that faces change, but my success is controlled my me, not a major salon, not a Panda, not a haircare brand!

It's all about integrity, and baby, 5 volumes later and many haircolours later, I'm still here.

xoxo.

Joshy

5.11 :: A story about egos gone wild...

Well good evening lambs,

It's mid-week, after hours after a full-day at the salon and I'm blogging for me life. ha ha. Not really, but kinda... (you know how I LOVE blogging!)

So, this week has been a WHOLE SLEW of news articles about people I love!! We've got Lady Gaga's "Born This Way" video and her runway debut for Mugler in Paris. We have John Galliano, the genius he may be, making racial slurs and anti-semitic comments and I heard this morning that Christina Aguilera was so intoxicated last night that she was taken into custody for public intoxication...

OMG, where are my role models going and why are THEY my role models?

I know this sounds like I'm casting judgment (which I am), but don't you feel like you also cast judgement when someone you admire makes a really dumb decision?

I mean, for starters, Gaga's "Born This Way" video REALLY failed to impress me and her latest avante-garde creation as a nouveau Bride of Frankestein is not flattering at all! I LOVE artsy people, but sometimes they make stupid decions. Giving birth to alien Gaga heads in a music video about being proud to be gay is NOT my idea of amazing! Or Avante Garde.

Christina, she's having a hard time with her divorce and was so drunk (thank God she was NOT driving)

And then there's my favourite John Galliano saying bad stuff (how elementary school of me) on film about Jewish people. Not cool!

All these amazing individuals made me think: DO I LOVE HOW I'M PORTRAYED PUBLICLY?

I mean, really, ask yourself... have you done dumb shit too?

We ALL have. Fact is, I'll still buy Gaga's record, and LOVE Christina and follow Galliano on Twitter! They made horrible decision creatively and personally, but I still love them. I think alot about that when I'm blasting some odd situation over Twitter or have a cyber-rant on Facebook in front of all my clients.

I think about appearing like a douche and why it's not okay to be as public as I am. And then, at the end of the day I have to remember that we ARE ALL people and we ALL put our pants on ONE LEG AT A TIME.

Today, a client of mine was talking about Charlie Sheen's fiasco and demanding $2 million an episode. We didn't talk about the $2 million or the show, we talked about all the CBS has to let go due to Charlie's publicity and deciding to shut down the show!

My client shared this with me. He says he prays every morning and tells God, "Give me enough money not to be mad at you, but not enough to forget you."

Makes you think!

Did Charlie forget about his divine spark? His Creator? Does he EVEN believe that?

What about Gaga portraying herself as "Mother Monster" and giving birth to Gaga-heads in the new vid? Is she really taking the "Queen" of pop title to heart? Does she believe she's really a "mother" to all her Monsters? And Galliano said he loved Hitler and wanted to gas all the jews! You know, I have alot of Jewish leanings and a Sephardic background. Not cool. Does he REALLY think that or was the alcohol talking?

All of this is not a case of money, fame or booze. It's EGO.

Watching my favourite celebs praise and idolize their own egos made me put myself back into perspective.

I'm just Josh.

I blog, I write, I want to be a superstar in this industry, but when I start calling myself "Mother Monster" and talking about "gassing [religious groups]", it's terrifying.

I didn't actually say any of these things, but I really believe what my Rabbi said, "we are all mirrors of each other"

Are all of these people I admire showing me all that COULD happen to me?

How many comments or bad decisions are we from spinning out of control?

Not too far when you think of it.

Today, I want to thank my 65 year old gentleman Robert for telling me his prayer. I told him mine and my mantra and he shared his with me (coincidentally HE used to do hair TOO), he taught me so much more than Gaga, Galliano or any public figure could. He taught me to appreciate what I have and NOT give in to my ego.

-J Ry.