5.04 :: A story about "you = me"

Good evening lambs,

Well, it's Monday morning. 12 midnight and I will officially be with clients at 12 pm -- that leaves me twelve hours to shower, sleep, possibly work out, shower again, return phone calls and start going down my to-do list before I get behind the chair and start working magic following by a meeting at 6pm AND "Tabatha's Salon Takeover" at 8pm.

Oh. My. God.

Yes, this was a real run-down of my life. And yes, that is EXACTLY how it HAS to play out in my head. It strictly is business for me. Even sleeping is business!

This week was magnificent in terms of having some time for myself and getting focused. I'm happy to confirm that after my appearance at the PULP Party, I will be around alot longer at PULP and "Haute Mess" has been making waves. I've also spoken with other contributors about getting active in the community.

One thing we do not have a good hold on is the gay-straight alliance we could actually have. Yes, I just said that... we COULD have that!

I don't belive in calling attention to something as small as sexuality, but feel abliged to lend my mentorship as I spoke with the write of our gay-themed column "Inside Out". We lack positive role modesl and open role models (not to mention OPEN-MINDED) in our community and I feel like as I progress on my journey, I need to get on board and voice that it's really okay to be powerful and part of the gay community.

Part of getting involved with causes has come from the fact that my clients have given me so much and I want to give back. Just this weekend, there was an event that my client organized for her friend's daughter that is battling cancer and that really, really spoke to me. I donated $50 towards a session with me and products from TIGI's Rockaholic range. For me, that's such a small task.

I attended the event with my mum in tow for a total of about 10 minutes to give a cash donation and say hi. It was sooooo busy, my mum and I left to meet my dad for wine and dinner on the other side of town. I had to stop in because I said I WOULD. My mum says, "this means alot to you, huh?"

The only way to answer that is that even if it didn't mean alot to me, it meant alot to my client to be there (even for 10 minutes).

Alot of my appearance and meeting have been running into my schedule. I've been trying to get my financial life in order (per Suze Orman's 8-month emergency fund) and get all my creative ventures off the ground...

One other aspect has been the re-creation of Shampoo Boy with one of my good mates at Lastleaf Design. I am proud to announce, we are working on designs and T-shirts will be out soon for order and for purchase via josh-cooley.com. Also, the official logo for Joshua Ryan, Inc. will be unveiled this year!

I have re-connected with that fact that my manuscript has sat in silence and I am resurrecting the flashdrive with all the chapters and finishing the editing process... all while working on "Flawless" and in time for February and Men's fashion week (beginning January 23rd), I am looking for new 'looks' and moods for me on a personal front.

Yes, Joshua Ryan is growing up...

If you haven't had a chance to listen to Ricky Martin's new single, "The Best Thing About Me Is You"... get there now to youtube or Ricky's website.

The BEST thing I could ever post this week was the phrase "YOU = ME".

I really believe we mirror each other in this life and what matters to you matters to me and what matters most lambs is our integrity. Integrity in our passions, careers, family life and in our souls.

With all my love, remember that YOU matter MOST to ME.

J Ry

YOU = ME.

5.03 :: A story about reaching out to a hateful lamb through my trust in others.

Good evening lambs,

So, it's Monday night and I'm sitting in my office at Studio J Ry finishing up a Heineken and listening to Duran Duran's new album. I absolutely adore Duran Duran. Yeah, I know they're old, but man, I have always said, I would love to look like them when I'm fifty: super tan and highlighted and well-suited like Simon... yep, me at fifty.

So, last week was absolutely a wonderful start to the new year. I had my very very first influx of e-mails regarding my column, "Haute Mess". I had stories about people stealing papers from businesses and actually longing for the next issue. Not only is that complimentary to me, that's amazing for the staff and contributors of PULP. I'm so very fortunate for this opportunity.

Part of being a public figure is having access to all the opportunity around you, also, part of having these outlets I have access to (ie media, hair shows, endorsements, publication) means I am also a target for scrutiny. I had my very first "hatemail" if you will regarding my column. And as I read it, I was very surprised to see the hurt someone wants to convey in a message. As much as I wanted to be hurt, I read the letter over and over about three-four times and realized: the person writing is a very very sad person inside.

I said, "you know, I'll just post it on the blog." However, the real truth is that anything obtained by PULP or it's editors is the property of PULP. Therefore I cannot disclose much except to say that the reader was very offended that I speak about brand names and designer dudds in a community where they say, "most people are lower to middle class". Well, I disagree, I believe fashion and class is something you have regardless of money or social-status. In fact, I love the underground culture of throwing something together without access to brand or even hundreds or thousands.

As I e-mailed my editor Shannon back and forth, I thanked her for her guidance. I wanted to actually call the person out in a reply in the next issue and she adviced not to as it shows hurt or offense. I thought over lunch as I Blackberry'd her back and forth, "good advice" I thought.

At that moment, I realized that my editor is there to do something I can't: monitor feedback regarding the column. And truth is, I completely trust her.

With this new found trust and seeing my obligations with my busy schedule, I realized, it's time to delegate duties or hire an assistant. As in seeing that my mum will assume the role of salon director in my own salon and help maintain the Joshua Ryan, Inc. brand as it takes off, I realized, assistance is not yet needed.

In seeking out professional advice, I ran the idea of reforming Shampoo Boy to Mo at Lastleaf Designs and started working on our collaboration of designs. My goal is to approve a few designs and run a small printing of shirts and accessories..

As I found this new trust I realized: I am not in this success thing alone. Shannon edits my words for my publication, Mo will assume design duties for the Shampoo Boy line and now I started setting up interviews for the creation of "Flawless". I have a couple photographers set up for January interviews and my next thing is to work on model interviews.

With only a week into the new year, I am touching base on every single aspect of my business! I am getting the finances behind Joshua Ryan, Inc. settled out and officially putting myself on a salary and starting my "8-month" emergency fund, as Suze Orman would say.

I only pray that things stay as is... That is important to me. This drive cannot go away! As this grows, I will offically work on adding trusted individuals to the list of Joshua Ryan, Inc. collaborators.

I always joked saying that my salon and business would be run my clients and friends and as I look at the roster, it just might.

I can't think of any other group of people to trust.

Thank you for giving me faith that you are always there for my best interest.. that totally showed me that the sad soul writing hate letters either needs a job to do or is looking for my attention. Don't worry, my hateful lamb, I'll reach out soon enough...

xoxo.

Josh

PS: Tomorrow is the PULP Holiday party! I'm soooo excited! I've grown to love them!

5.02 :: A story about gratitude in karma.

Good evening lambs!

I hope your week is going well, mine has been a blur. Yep, a blur.

Today was kind of cool. I actually left the salon early thanks to clients coming in early and even had one move her appointment to an earlier spot. As I looked at my watch and got in my car to hit the tanning salon at a decent hour, it read, "4:30".

Whoa! Seriously?

So, with that, I came up to my office after some self-time in the tanning bed and started busting out new columns, L'Oreal's resume and reformatting it and looking at my datebook of interviews, meetings and public appearances. As I looked at it while I poured myself a glass of Pellegrino, I took a breath and said to myself, "damn! You ARE busy!"

I had never believed people when they tell me I overcommit, but today, I looked at my schedule and said, "you have got to be kidding!"

This morning as I was balayaging (painting) some hi-lites on my guest, I told her, "I literally love my clientele right now. Love. Love them. I could sit for cocktails or dinner or just talk all night to any of my clients like they weren't just friends, but like my family."

That in turn made my busy schedule not look so devoted. It looked like a wonderful investment. The investment of them and their time to me and my time to them and getting to genuinely know them. I do not take my clients light-heartedly. I value them like precious jewels and metals from the far corners of the world.

Today, a new guest even called me forty minutes after her haircut and told me, "you are worth your wieght in gold." As I hope not to gain any weight, I sat down and filled with tears... "wow..."

"Thank you." I muttered with my horsey-choked voice. "I've never been told like that, but thank you."

She said, "I don't call people. But I HAD to call you. You were so inviting. You are not snobby and not mean even with as known as you are."

I just thought while she talking about all the people that I try to snub and can't.

I just can't. I do not enjoy it and I don't like dishing that out. So, when I snub someone, it really is meant to hurt, but this client on the phone didn't try to hurt me, she made that EXTRA effort to call me and tell me what I meant to her. It meant alot.

I think today, I found my mirror: I believe we're all mirrors of each other at some internal essense or personality trait (yeah, deep, I know) and I think that someone telling me I'm valuable has come back to me in karma. Amazing amounts. It was a reminder of all the good in my life and to not dish out bad or accept the bad.

It was gratifying.

Thank you for reading and loving,

- j ry.

PS: Nasia had her baby!!!! This is number 4! But as you know... more to come later. xo. j ry.

5.01 :: A story about my close-up in 2011

Well Happy NEW Year lambs, dollfaces, pretty boys and haute messes!

I'm back!! With a brand new volume of adventures and updates in tow, my month-long hiatus felt as if I was on vacation for years! Yes, years.

Think of it this way: I felt like No Doubt. Nothing released in years. Just living off a few albums. I know I'm so much more than that, but so is Gwen and crew, with that said, I'm happy to be back on the web divulging all my guilty gossipy pleasures and leaking info pertaining to my artistic little exitence.

2010 was a huge year in my career: I left the largest salon in our area taking 90% of my clientele and another 25% of the salon's clientele only to move into a smaller, more intimate setting to become much happier. The birth of Joshua Ryan, Inc was a milestone as I registered for my first business license last June solo of a major salon or name attached to mine.

Shortly after, a major break-up occured between flings, fans and business peers, only to sift itselt out into me buying a large Studio space and transforming it six months later into Studio J Ry: my home.

For Studio J Ry, I felt that it should NOT look like an apartment or the loft I shared with Panda, but more so, it should look like a luxury hotel room and with that said, I started creating the pieces of my luxurious little puzzle known as Joshdom.

My business literally quadrupled in size in six months and as 2011 chimed in, I was greeted by embraces from devoted readers, clients, lambs, etc and a smaller crowd. A more intimate crowd.

I greeted the new year with Jules, my salon mate for dinner. As we left, I took a break and checked some e-mail back at the studio and met up with Andrew for cocktails around 10:30. We had a very real time in a very mellow setting and let me tell you: It was THE best new year's eve I've ever had.

That day I had a booked myself an extension party for a close group of fashionistas preparing for New Years's Eve and had lunch, followed by a few cocktails solo, a bubble bath, a changing and cleaning of the apartment and then the evening as mentioned above.

That night, after the toll of midnight, I slammed my champagne and Andrew and I hurried through the cold where I prepared a quicky-zip fried midnight snack for the pair of us to return Andrew back into sober territory.

Avoiding the crowds, the texts and the calamity was something I enjoyed.

The next morning, I woke up feeling renewed and energetic ready to bite 2011 like a cheeseburger.

So, with that said, I have a few info items to leak: 2011 is a year of luxury!

Luxury is something I'm focusing on in the premise that I am going to grow up out of my grungy Rockstar shoes and tidy up for a more refined, artistic appeal to what I do. Don't take this as a warning that my edginess is gone! Oh no! In McQueens and Diesel, I swear to you to deliver a MASSIVE year.

Joshua Ryan, Inc. is officially on it's way to becoming a brand. In such, the art of building a brand or "marketing", per se, is to remain public. My goal has always been to open a salon or work on it sometime in 2012 and with that 12 months away, I guess, I better get crackin'!

This year, I will reveal the following: I'm in it to win it. Nothing else. No more trusting my heart to pandas or pretty boys and no more business associates telling me "no". The slate is clean. Completely.

I have one MASSIVE project to work on. I will be posting applications online soon regarding my venture into the art world. I'm going to produce an art installation for release sometime in the summer. Could be June, could be August... we'll see..

All you need to know is that every image and item used is going to be used for the decor of my salon. I'm on a mission to find models, hair designers, photographers, electronic musicians and film makers to produce a large work entitiled, "Flawless".

Flawless meaning it takes alot of destroying reality to create art. I literally took the local beauty industry and slapped it's arse for being a naughty boy last year. This year, I'm regaining control through the use of my blog, my fashion column, a t-shirt range, a book, and of course through the word of mouth press my clients give me.

With raving reviews of critique or praise, "Flawless" will be produced.

I have many items of gossipy nature I'm sure we'll talk about, but we have a whole year to grow together.

So, in the words of Marlene Dietrich, "I'm ready for my close-up..."

Hearts,

J Ry.

4.13 :: A story about 2011 and my co-pilot.

Good evening my dear lambs,

How are you?

OR should I say, "Happy Holidays!"

So, coming off of Thanksgiving weekend, I want to clarify something: I did not shop. Nope. Not one red cent on Black Friday from me, no way!

Is it sad to say that I was not impressed with anything?

Not at all.

I opened the sales papers on Turkey Day eve and could not find something worth pushing men and elbowing old women for.

So, as any Turkey Day in the past, I assumed the role as my mum's co-pilot in the kitchen and chatted up my Guela (grandma).

Thanksgiving became a day of chillaxing for me and my mum's house. As I took to the table and served my plate, I noticed my dad's eyes gaze to my plate: small portions, no marshmallows, no potatoes, a decent amount of stuffing. Very little meat. I sensed kind of a sense of loss from him. Like I've changed. Fact is, I've always been that person that doesn't eat meat or pork products (ie meats, gelatin, marshmallows included) or root vegetables. He just noticed it because I've been gone for a few months now.

I've dropped a good 20 lbs, am talking to Nasia again like we were just meeting and have so many social obligations and an ad campaign and marketing that people only dream of. Right now (as I told my uncle over FB Chat tonight) Life is pretty amazing...

As the holiday weekend passed, I found myself loving the distance from the salon for a minute. I made an appearance at a party on Friday night, a cosmetic event on Sunday (both with my mum as my date) and have been chatting up Nasia.

We're meeting for breakfast tomorrow at Studio J Ry before I tackle the day...

I thought to myself, "6 months ago, I was not this person."

I had no control of my life.

Headlines ran me.

I ran Headlines.

It was a vicious cycle.

Leon was a toxic wasteland.

I was in jeopardy with Nasia.

My clientele was being filtered to others by the owner of HLines...

No, six months later... It evident: I took back my life!

and...

I have a fashion column, have become a predominant public figure on the web and locally, and have achieved a success 4x over what I had at a large salon.

As I took time to slow down and breath this weekend and all November, I thought, "What if I too k a breather from my blog?"

Like, a month?

and just start new in January?

The reason I say that is.... 2011 is the year about building the hype about Joshua Ryan, Inc as a salon, a brand and a personality before I open sometime in 2012.

Right now, I can share with you: I want to live past five issue of PULP, go mass marketing featuring myself even more than I have, work on an at installation for open in Summer 2011 and build my dream with my mum as my co-pilot.

As of 2011, she will assume financial management of Joshua Ryan, Inc and I'll take over creative control to form a brand.

Tomorrow, I just want a good old best friend time with my best friend and to see Jax.

I want this now because next year, I want to hire a part-time assistant, pursue educating for an new brand and basically become Rachel Zoe-Carrie Bradshaw of Pueblo.

On Saturday morning, I received an e-mail from Farouk Systems that my contract with them will be terminated by January 1, 2011... I also have been in talks with a major competitor to possibly start education with them in 2011. I think word got out.

As of now, I have to response except that, I will chase the opportunity that offers me more in terms of recognitio nand exposure.

In 2011, look out! I'm gonna brand myself, I'm gonna travel, I'm gonna maintain my current clientele, submit the book (FINALLY) and create a team..

All of this came to me as I chopped onions for stuffing with my mum. I have been her co-pilot for so long... I think it's time to give back and make her my co-pilot professionally.

So, as I look back at my dad staring at my Thanksgiving plate, I think:

don't look at my plate as have empty because it's about to get full very very quick!

Happy Holidays! Here's to 2011.

Joshua Ryan

4.12 :: A story about vague wierdness and activating my Garbo gene

Hello my dear lambs,

How are you?

It's about 2am on Monday morning and I'm sitting in my office at Studio J Ry sipping a cup of coffee and contemplating resting and meditating and waking up to do it all over again tomorrow.

Alot of craziness has gone on in terms of people. I have recieved a couple phone calls from Panda, a couple texts and phone calls from Tish and have had some unexpected moments of just wanted to "lay low" for once.

As you may be aware, there has been a constant "wanting" from Panda to contact me lately. I said I never wanted to talk to him again and have ignored phonecalls and texts. Or they've been very plain and vague like, "thank you" and "fine".

Well, my curiosity was shot on Thursday evening as my phone rang close to midnight again... He always used to call me about 11 or 11:30 when we were hanging out heavy... I didn't answer. Instead of it all being over, he left a voice mail...

A part of me said, "Wait til morning."

The anxious part of me said, "check it."

So, like a child waiting for Santa, I snuck outta my office and dialed in to voicemail.

----"Hey Rockstar! It's Leon! Call me."

hmmm....... give in to temptation?

Yep!

So, I called back.

I have to tell you, I wanted so much from the conversation... I wanted to like talking to him again, I wanted to feel the same feelings I felt before... but after all this, I couldn't.

I sat very still and answered very vague, just like my text messages...

"uh huh."

"yeah"

"fine."

"oh yeah. yeah. that's great."

"oh uh huh."

Not me at all.

It clued into me .... I was NEVER myself with him.

Just like this phone call. And as hurt as I was after the fact, is the way I felt for 15 minutes of listening to him boast about himself.

He ended our jilted conversation with, "I'd like to have you over... you're always welcome..."

Really? I thought.

"I want you to meet [my girlfriend]"

REALLY??!?!?!?!?

No Fucking way...

That invite was just plain wierd.

In all my illustrious vocab, all I can tell you is wierd. The feeling, the invite, the phone call, the intent behind the phone call: wierd.

I was hoping for a welcoming feeling inside and all I was left with was showing him and the rest of the Headlines crew how much I do not need them or any contact at all.

That's right . Not at all.

And with that... I shut off my phone and turned out the lights.

Alot like my many absences at local events, I've turned out the lights... it's time to lay low for a minute and come back with blinkers and LEDs...

With winter upon us and the constant harrasment fom the HLines group, I'm ready to go incognito and only have people over...

I'd rather not go out.

In the words of Greta Garbo, "I want to be alone."

xoxo.
Josh

4.11 :: A story about working yourself sick...

Tick

Tick

Tick

Tick

Tick

Tick

Tick tick..

tick..

...tick....tick..tick....ck.ck....ck..k--- BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear lambs,

Yes, boom!

I am not talking about my career or income. Those are figured to be booming even in my times of sickness and yes, that is what, indeed, happened.

Sickness last week.

The last couple weeks, I've cancelled appearances, public events, etc and have felt overly dizzy and the sense of nausea and on Thursday night, my world came crashing down when I stopped talking to a client I rushed through to pardon myself in just even time to barf in the backroom of the salon.

Sad face here, please.

I got myself together, tears in my eyes still. Super glazed and pale-faced and told Jules, "I need help Jules..."

She was soooooo sad for me, had no clue what to do, "babe! What's wrong?!"

I went back up and checked out my client completely embarrassed.

She said, "I'm a mom... Josh, take care of yourself... btw, I never would have known you were sick..."

Saddest part: neither did I.

That afternoon, my favourite fashionista and I had gone to lunch and I had been feeling sick and rushed all week, we went and came back and felt like I had no time to talk and rushed her out. As she left, I dismissed myself down the street to studio J Ry and felt my head, dizzy... walking up the stairs and holding on tightly I felt like I may faint...

I got into my living and sweat the coldest sweat ever.

I dazed at the clock, I had 15 minutes til my next guest... I got up, dabbed myself with a tissue and walked back down to the salon.... as the time grew close to cutting, I felt warmer and warmer and dizzier and dizzier...

I walked outside. It was FREEZING outside, but I felt warm still..

My guest was here.

I rushed through this poor woman's haircut and the scene above followed...

After she had left, I rushed out of the salon, not even taking most of my belongings... Jules said she'd clean up and told me she was worried..

I ran up the stairs and threw up all over my bathroom- mortified and in tears, I cleaned everything up and ran a shower... as I stood in the shower, a flood of ungodly you-know-what came out onto the shower floor.

What the hell was happening?

Now, I HAD TO clean the tub.

As I cleaned the tub and finished, I ran a bath...

Everytime I'm sick, I want to lay in the bath in my eyemask and blank out the world...

I got in the tub and felt sick again, another flood of sickness... this time... rather contained...

I lifted my head to hear a banging at my door.

Thinking it may be Jules following me, I ran to my door wrapped with only a towel, it was my landlord!

She was yelling, "JOSH!! THERE'S A HUGE LEAK!!"

I opened the door and played off, "sorry, you caught me in the shower..."

She apologized and told me, "well, I'll let you get something on and want you to come see this..."

I ran in, still nauseated and cleaned up any traces of being sick or clothes on the ground within two minutes.

As I opene the door, still putting a shirt on, she came to my bathroom and asked if I had noticed a leak, "no, I said..."

"I just got home, I've been rather tired and thought I'd run a bath to relax."

She said, "Well, use your other bathroom in the meantime... this may have a leak."

So, I excused her and she said she'd arrange for a plumber to visit Monday.

As she left... I felt sick again...

How was it that I could contain the urge to vomit in front of people?

Not only in front of clients and co-workers, but not general public like my landlord?

The next two days I stayed in and cancelled all appointments, all appearances, all public events...

A wave of love rushed over me from the internet, phone call and cell phone..

I still felt like shit.

As my mum came over both Friday and Saturday night, we ordered movies on demand and talked. She brought me Vitamin Water and animal crackers and talked to me...

"Do you have the flu?"

-Maybe, I said.

"or do you think your body's telling you something?"

-oh, god, mom!! f--k no!, I replied.

"Josh... maybe it's time to breathe again... you'll always be popular. You'll always be busy. Stop worrying yourself sick."

As Sunday morning came and I felt better... I had no desire for food or coffee, but more so for a cocktail with my mum and, lambs, that's exactly what I did..

I took no phone calls, no texts, not an e-mail, no Facebook -- here's my thing -- cocktails three days later????

Was I sick with a flu or have I worked myself sick????

Whatever you or I come to as our conclusions, one thing I know is mama's save the day... and maybe, just maybe, mama DOES know best.

xoxo.

Josh