Pretty Boy Education

In Conclusion.... a pretty boy learns his lesson and grows up.

2011-07-20T23:02:00.000-07:00

Good morning lambs,

It's 12 midnight on a Thursday morning. Yes, technically, this is morning.

I'm sipping on a bottle of Aquafina and contemplating alot of new addtitions in my life and lamenting alot of voids.

It's come to me, after nearly a month of meditating, that I shall continue writing and pursuing my writing as a form of catharsis, however, I am announcing officially that I am ending "Pretty Boy Education". Currently, we are in volume six.

I generally write 13 blogs per volume. The blog has officially been around for two years. I've had plenty of readers. Alot of people have learned lessons from my blog and applied them to their own life. Alot of people have "cyber-spied" (not really, it's a public blog) and taken things offensively from this very blog.

My goal has never been to offend anyone. I have not ever written something I never had the intention of telling someone to their face or hadn't already said to them. I'm a big fan of controversy and public relevance and for a long time, the blog kept my life relevant.

Lately, I feel as though the blog I love so dearly, may be part of an undoing I never want to come to. I do not foresee losing in business nor losing the business I have now. As I took the last twenty days to mediate and not voice my opinion outloud, I have had alot of malicious rumours and postings about me on the internet and in public and for me, you can say something in public and the word travels. That doesn't matter to me, but to use MY platform (the internet) and write malicious things about me is attacking my livelihood.

I built myself mostly in the age of twitter, facebook, myspace, social networks and running promotions online. As soon as i built myself up, I went to paper-media. Advertisting in local publications and online on various websites.

My business has grown.

I have grown as a person.

With the announcement of my salon opening next year, I cannot afford to have any "unnecessary drama" and have decided to end my blog.

Pretty Boy Education has been primarily about life-lessons I've learned. Sometimes I made the right decision, sometimes, I acted unsoundly and unlogically and did not profit at all except for a ride through the rumour mill.

With the evolution I've gone through this past year, I have found that I'm most valued when I'm a mentor. And one thing mentors do not do is gossip.

Gossip is part of this blog and as such, I have to decapitate the creature known as PBE and say good-bye.

I've got Joshua Ryan, Inc, Rockstars + Lambs, "Haute Mess", my manuscript and new adventures to focus on. I simply do not have time for a gosspy little blog.

All you need to know is that I've learned. I'm on to better things, I'm on to creating an empire.

This has been fun, but the controversy does not make me, the tell-all style is a style I loved, but I must bid you all farewell.

I will begin a new adventure in August and hope you all come along for the ride.

I have some amazing friends on my side. Andrew is the always there for me and "keeps me real", Michelle is my main fashionista and reminds me to be fabulous and Lisa keeps me theatrical and wishing for more.

My mom, as you all know, is my best friend, in it's official sense. She knows me in and out.

I cannot and will not fail at my life and have only one thing left to say:

"do what you do. Do it your way, don't ask questions, don't get caught up in yourself, don't use your ego, just do you. Just be your best you and do what you feel guides you to the Light however it is you see that".

With all my love,

Josh Cooley

www.josh-cooley.com

facebook.com/studiojry

twitter.com/studiojry

A Letter from Studio J Ry via Casa de Cooley

2011-07-03T23:48:00.000-07:00

Dear lambs, followers, reader on Twitter, blogspot, Facebook and my website:

I wanted to take the opportunity to apologize for the year of drama. It's not my intention to appear that way. Actually, I'm quite a business person and have very little personal time to myself. Alot of my "drama" between salons and other hairdressers, friends, flings, etc. has been escalated by not only myself, but the fact that we live in an age of social media.
It is bizarre to me that people NOT connected online have information, but it also reminds me that the internet is omnipresent to everyone. One Google search makes for a very intersting ride. When it comes to me, my record is pretty clean professionally. Personally, we all know very well, I do not get along with my last salon, but primary one person in particular.
I have always wanted to create a persona of "friendliness" and approachability and my goal moving forward into branding myself and the Joshua Ryan, Inc name with ventures like "Haute Mess" and ROCKSTARS + LAMBS (Opening 2012) gives me no chance to have drama or scandal (neither external or self-inflicted).
With that said, the goal of my Facebook page is to engage my clients and friends. Not to "leak" gossip or rumours. I have never created a rumour. I don't do that. If someone misheard or thought I was being vicious, that's him/her. I have too much going for me to be allowed the static.
For all things drama, my blog is posted.
For all things dish and trend, I tweet.
For all of you, there is Facebook.
Those who know me intimately and closely understand who I am and where I'm coming from, those who think I'm gossiping, well, "delete" buttons do exist, honey.
Have a fabulous weekend. And always know, that even in my humble or lonely moments, I am still and will always be a Rockstar.

-Josh Cooley

THE MISSION OF PRETTY BOY EDUCATION IS TO GIVE AN INSIDER'S GUIDE TO ME, THE PERSON. MY OPINIONS AND VIEWS ARE MERELY WHAT I SAY THEY ARE, OPINION AND VIEWS FROM MY OWN PERSPECTIVE. MALICIOUS RUMOURS ARE CREATED IN THE MIND OF THE READER AND THIS BLOG IS NOT ABOUT RUMOURS; IT'S ABOUT "MY SIDE OF THE STORY" AND MY LIFE.

The blog will be on hiatus until August 1st, 2011.

6.06 :: All eyes forward.. who's coming with me?

2011-06-26T23:44:00.000-07:00

Good morning lambs!

It's almost 1 am as I type this from, get this, Casa de Cooley. I am sitting at my parents' kitchen table. The house is silent. Everyone is in bed and all that is on are the laptop screen, the light above the kitchen sink and my Blackberry. I'm sipping an organic cane soda and wanted to bring you my blog whilst I was deep in thought back at home.

I ran off to my parents' house Saturday after shutting everything off from the salon and announced via Twitter (and accidentally to a client's cell phone) my plans to "runaway" for the weekend.

As you may know, I feel like I'm on shaky ground with Anthanasia. She hates when I talk about her or write about her, so what I can tell you that is pivotal in my development as a strong solo act and my own man is that Sunday was Jaxton's 2nd birthday and I kindly chose not to attend. I will send a card in the morning with a generous gift card to The Children's Place and call it a day.

I feel as though things are ruined between the pair of us. After seeing the Headlines crew at B Street Bash last week, I announced via this blog that I need to grow the fuck up and stop the drama. I have also made comments publicly that I cannot be around anyone associated with Headlines. As such, I have eliminated the need to make an appearance at children's birthday parties.. even though it's not Jaxton's fault. I feel this is better.

It hurts me to type that. I asked Andrew on Friday night as we split a pizza and caprese salad, "What should I do? What would YOU do?" And in his sincerest, most loving manner, he said, "yeah. I don't know."

As I ellaborated as to what I was going to do it became very clear between us that I knew bowing out was the grown-up choice.

I've been watching alot of "Oprah: Behind the Scenes" and "The Real Housewives of New Jersey" and I'm gonna be honest, I'm much rather be Oprah than someone dramatic who calls attention to himself negatively. So with that in mind, I feel the classiest thing for me to do, is to bow out gracefully. She will probably not understand and hold it against me and if so, then so be it.

I can't allow someone or an organization to taint my brain and the thoughts in them. Not just for drama's sake, but more so, because this morning via Twitter, I announced the name of my salon. My salon will be named ROCKSTARS + LAMBS. I will begin work next month and would like to open sometime in May, June or July 2012. My parents are fully on board and the project is going to be funded primarily by me. Joshua Ryan, Inc is in full swing!

Don't expect a location or anything yet! I have a month-by-month breakdown of what has to happen first!

I not only left my life downtown for the last two days to get away from the temptation of showing up at Jax's b-day, but also to map out 8 months of progress and goals for forming ROCKSTARS + LAMBS.

I am the son of two very powerful business people. Both of whom are accoladed in their industries as am I in hairdressing, writing and speaking. With my parents behind me and with their support, I will become a brand. I don't have time for haters or building bridges with the past. If anyone wants back on this ride, they're gonna have to come to me with open arms and all agenda aside. I don't care to discuss he said-she said. Fuck it. It's time to be my own man.

I have my mum and dad. I have my clients. I have Andrew and my friends Lisa and Michelle and I'm off... who's coming with me?

BTW, leave the past at home. I'm not discussing it.

All eyes forward, lambs... I'm a Rockstar!
Joshy

6.05 :: I'm grounded... and growing up.

2011-06-20T21:47:00.000-07:00

Good evening lambs!

It's our favourite haute mess coming to you from right here at Studio JRy. I'm sipping the restof a Heineken and preparing for my week.

For once, I had a day off and did almost nothing today. Well, I did do something: I took care of me. I had a facial, a manicure, a tan and tomorrow morning, I'm to greet my day with a major work out. I'm at the end of my day which involved catching up on DVRed shows and working on my book. Yep, my book.

My started righting my book about two years ago and then situations happened with me and Headlines and then I wanted to write-in Panda as a character in the book and basically butchered my own book. It was not along the creativity that I exude or the integrity.

So, I went through files and jumpdrives and meditated heavily on Sunday and decided to re-write a concept of my book. In this case, there is no working title yet. It's just "the book".

This last week was incredibly busy (of course) and I dropped an ad campaign that hit 50,000 homes in the area once again and keeping up with the requests was tough. Not just requests, but the e-mails and phone calls have gotten unbearable, which brings me to announce to you officially that I will announce the name of the salon and start OFFICIALLY registering a salonspace within the next few months. My estimated time needed is 8-12 months of growth and moving and a campaign that rivals anything I've done.

I leaked this information offficially on Twitter last week and then announced it to my exclusive group of VIP Clients and then virally on Facebook. Publicly, people would see me and ask me "What's the name?"

"When do you open?"

"Got a location?"

Between those questions a massive week, I went out to eat majorly last week and filled in my date book. This has put into perspective the need for me to 'lay-low' this week publicly... lol. I made a vow to just chill at home and then about 2 hours later got a text from my good friend Lisa about going out for dinner on Wednesday for a mutual friends' birthday. How can I say "no"? I adore miss Lisa.

Also, with the week being super active, I took the opportunity to pal around with a client on Friday night which lead us to many different locations. One of them being the dreaded B Street Bash that I do not attend due to always finding a conflict!

I agreed to go to B Street and then off I went for about five minutes with my friend and low and behold, there was a Tish and the the entire Headlines crew. I knew that I should not have been out that night! ESPECIALLY because this always seems to find me.

I went over.

I said hi to Tish.

HISTORY LESSION: I will always say hi to Tish because she gave me my opportunity in this business. How could I snub the woman that brought me into this industry? I can't!

I went over and said hi. She hugged me like she missed me and I the same. Immediately, the quetions and firing squad hit me... "Why are you taking about my mom?" her sister said. "What happened between you and Nasia?" "Why are you talking shit about us?" "Why can't we all get along?"

Then the comment, "you can't bash someone to make yourself look better."

I turned around and defended myself and said, "it has been a tough year emotionally. I did alot of wrongs and alot of rights and I own them! I'm not running. We've all said stuff in anger."

It was true.

I have agreed to just let this situation be what it is: drama.

I went to talk to one of the girls and give her a hug and she scooted away and said, "I don't want to talk to you. You make us look bad. You ran your mouth."

I said abubtly, "YOU RAN YOURS!!"

She shared with me that when I talk about someone there it makes them all look bad. Yep, I know.

I know that. No denying. I know what I'm doing and how to use my persona.

Also, she pointed out that a client of mine and online friend had been sharing blogs, twitter messages and Facebook posts with her about what I've said.

I was floored when she said who it was.

I also accepted that if I am a so-called 'public personality' that those kind of things are going to happen.

I'm not about denying what I said, nor do I intend to say sorry for something I don't need to apologize for. The end of this encounter finished when she left me and rolled her eyes. Another bites the dust. Fuck it.

As I turned around, I hear "Joshua!"

Guess who it was?

It was Nasia.

We hugged and I wanted to cry. "I miss you, darling. I miss you alot. But I'm over the drama between you and I. It's bullshit, dude!"

She agreed and we talked about what was said the night I ran into the girls. As I was taking to Nasia, one of the Headlines girls interrupted and I just glared at her. She was at the bar the night I saw her. She was one of the three that ran her mouth!

She says, "I don't like the way you're looking at me. What?"

I said, "you ran your trap, J!"

She got really upset and immediately through the new guy under the bus. "HE said that to Nasia. I didn't even talk to her. But you said she was over us. It was so fucking rude of you, Josh."

"No it rude of you to run your mouth as a threesome the next day" I said.

"But I'm over that... if you said he ran his... where is HE?"

I look over and New Stylist (as he'll be referred) was there. I said, "why are you running your trap? You broke me and Nasia up again?! Do you need a sense of approval from her because I have YEARS invested in her!!"

He rolled his eyes and ignored me and I started to talk to Tish. She asked for no drama..

He rolled his eyes again and started taking to Nasia about me.

I turned around and yelled, "I'm really over your fucking mouth!"

He says, "why do you talk shit about me and you don't know me?"

I said, "why did you run your face?"

He didn't answer.

I go, "you're fucking jealous because you've done hair longer than I have and you're NOT successful. You try so hard to be liked and you have a reputation for talking about your own friends! How dare you use my friends against me!??!"

He said, "I love my salon, Josh. You seem unhappy and angry still."

Did he have a point, oh yeah. Did I want him to run his face? Absolutely not.

"you look real stupid right now, " I said. Continued, "I'm not about you. You don't exist... you're trying too hard and I will not have it."

I walked out of B Street Bash and went home.

I turned my phone off and the next day had two voicemails from Tish and some messages from Tish and Nasia. Tish had wanted me to stay and did not want any of this to happen. They had both spent the evening calming New Stylist down.

The next night, feeling really low for using my ego, I went out alone and it did not go well. I was having fun with a bunch of friends and got mouthy...

That's when I realized. My ego is o.o.c. (out of control).

With the salon opening in a year, a book in the works, and people knowing who I am publicly, I need to chill out. I need to get rest, eat right and stay home. At least this week.

I realized this week that I do not take out my stress against people during the day, but when I'm alone. It should never happen. I decided I needed to ground myself. So, I am going to take my time this week and focus all of the energy I put into negativity and drinking into a time-consuming investment that is either neutral or productive. The two involve working on my book and catching up on DVRed shows. HAHA. Ones's productive and one's neutral. Either way, I'm over the Headlines deal. It's become a circus act everytime I'm around them.

Sometimes, when we grow up we call this a break, and sometimes when we act immaturely, we call this growing up.

-xoxo.

JRy

6.04 :: The Butterfly Effect in a "Sorry".

2011-06-05T22:48:00.000-07:00

Good evening lambs,

It's a clear June night and almost midnight as I type this sipping a black cup of coffee after fleeing my parents' house this evening: that situation has rarely ever presented itself.

They were not fighting.

They were not rude.

They were not welcoming, either though.

In a time when I should enjoy my Sunday with my most trusted confidante, my mum, she was blitzed-tired and ready to sleep. My Guela was also there and my dad talking to my Guela. My sister went downstairs to the family room to watch TV and I was left on the couch to text to well, no one.

I for once felt incrdibly overshadowed by my family.

The most amazing situation presented itself ealier in the day when my uncle Jay came over and removed porn viruses from my laptops. Yes, you read that right! Porn viruses... I was a naughty boy for once and got caught in the act by cyberspace and have been without laptop for a week. Can you imagine?

Reliving comedy with Jay this afternoon reminded me of him living with us when I grew up and him moving to Pueblo with us and my house being warm and welcoming and when he left Studio J Ry today, I went to Casa de Cooley and the above scenario presented itself.

There was no warmth today, just a tired feeling. I literally spent less than 45 minutes in my old home and left. That NEVER happens and funny part was, it seemed as if no one gave a shit.

For me, I realized that the energy of "home" travels with me. If I'm at the salon, I try to bring that familiar warmth to my guest, if at Studio J Ry alone or entertaining, I bring the warmth for others. When I revisit Casa de Cooley, my parents' estate, it comes in with me... it also... unfortunately, must leave with me.

A situation presented itself at 3am this morning between Andrew and I. We had a miscommunication with a mutual friend that did not know me and contacted me. Me, in my sarcasam, misinformed the friend of Andrew's whereabouts and some might say, disclosed too much information. At 2am, I read Andrew's post on Facebook and he mentioned he was up and couldn't sleep, I posted "why".

I recieved a call..

I answered, "what's the matter?"

"YOU!" he said.

"Me?"

"Why are you talking about me? You have no business talking about me."

Long story short, Andrew expressed his distain for the situation and said the words, "And you're not even sorry, are you?"

Lambs, I rarely am.

My goal is to never make a friend upset, but it's like whoever talks to me that is mutual tells my friends another story and then, my friends call defensive... it's such a butterfly effect with me that at the end of most days, I'm very lonely.

The result of this 3am phone call was a "Coolness" between the pair of us and the understanding that Andrew does not live as public as I do. He does not like to be talked about.

I generally only talk about how awesome he is and how he's become a saviour to me when most friends have left me. He's been a standing force for the last couple years and he still is. This was the first real conflict we ever had and I don't wish to relive it. We are two strong personalities and I, in this case, did a bad. So, when I said I was sorry to him humbly, I was.

I was however miffed at the the little troll that ran his mouth to Andrew. That's never cool! I hate backstabbers... especially when it's someone that doesn't know me well.

So, to Andrew (if he's reading) I'm sorry for once. And to my family, I'm sorry for leaving today, but my warmth was on the fritz and did not travel well with me today.

For once, I felt ultimate loneliness at the thought of losing Andrew. I saw Jay today and saw what connection I had been missing for these past few years and when I was with my family, I thought, "What if I wasn't around as much, would they miss me like I'd miss Andrew and Jay?"

I miss Nasia. I have to admit though, I'm not in the mood for the drama or reconciling yet and it's eating a hole into my patience and friendships and family.

I wish she understood the butterfly effect and how it took one phone call, one accusatory text to end up as this lonely little blog where I reflect about someone not saying "Sorry".

So, for all of you like me that dont' say sorry... make it a point to get humble and say so, you'll lose alot of great people if you don't.

-Josh

6.03 :: Oprah reminded me.

2011-05-30T11:06:00.000-07:00

Good afternoon lambs,

It's a windy monday here at Studio J Ry and I'm finishing a tepid cup of coffee and listening to "Sex and the City" play in the backgroud.

My Blackberry has been dinging non-stop all yesterday and this morning. I thought it was supposed to be Memorial Day weekend? Oh well, I think I broke my own "no work" rule by going in later today to service a couple clients of mine. Wow. It just never stops does it.

This past week has been amazing. Business was thriving and bold last week and it was a week without bumps for the first time. Not so much that there's been conflict, but that it's been as though I'm been nit-picky or letting small things or enviromental things bother me.

I was watching Diane Sawyer on OWN's "Masterclass" and she made the following statement that was so goddamned profound:

"A cristicism is a really bad way of making a request. Just make the request."

That resonated with me on so many levels. Seriously!

Have I just been critical and have I been cristicised through karma lately? Basically, I'm asking and know the answer at the same time: have I spent so much time critiquing business practices that I'm actually bringing the critics to critique me?

With that said, last week, I let alot of stuff just brush off my shoulder and did not let petty shit affect me. If I had to do a management course, I would tell people to never be blind to what's around you, but don't be so confrontational either and that's one thing I've been- super confrontational.

Oprah officially ended her 25 year reign on daytime and I ran to the newstand for the new issue of O Magazine and logged on to see where the woman is going and not only is she assuming her role as "Oprah" in the universe and television industry, she's moving to LA. For me, that's so not a reality. She has become synonomous with Chicago.

I can't see myself moving anytime soon, but I always express the want or need to retire out of the country or in wine country in Northern California which means that I want to retire somewhere in my late fifties meaning my "25 year" or so reign has started in the SoCo area. It means, as soon as I have my salon open and running, if I decide to move away and retire or at least havea summer home, I have another minimum of a quarter of a century to show people what I'm made of in local business.

Oprah has set this standard for me.

I also have been talking with my editor and publisher at PULP about a possible "Haute Mess" one-year later party. I am so proud of the success of my writing and so happy that people are responsive to it. I was working on a book when I approached PULP about a column and was already blogging heavily online and it's as if I've already attained a sense of success in writing through online and local mediums. So why would I not pursue finishing my book?

Oprah reminded me of that as well.

The new Gaga album was released this week to mixed reviews and for someone who was so skeptical that this would be a success, I bought the album and adore it. I reminds me so much of the misfortune of relationships and being "stoned", called "Judas", trying and reaching your goals and at the end of the day still obsessed by the relationships and connections that just did not flourish past a certain point. Alot of songs remind me of the times of Leon, Headlines and multiple Nasia-moments (both good and bad).

Oprah talked about working with passion during her last show and I cried heavily wanting nothing more than to hug her for being there. That last show was a tear-drenched motivational monologue about how passson = happiness and the desire to recieve is a manifestation. She normally brought out the human in the star and for me, my clients bring out the human in me, a self-promclaimed Rockstar Stylist.

The other night at the Downtown Bar I was reminded of this and my conversations with my new confidante Lisa have affirmed this... but most importantly...

Oprah reminded me.

xoxo.
Josh

6.02 :: Not interested... and that's okay.

2011-05-22T22:15:00.000-07:00

Good evening Rockstars and Lambs,

I'm sitting in my office at Studio J Ry sipping a bottle of water after an afternoon and evening of hanging out with my parents. After tuning in for the climatic season finale of Celebrity Apprentice, I got in my car and zoomed back home to download Gaga's latest album, "Born This Way"...

The album is downloading as I type this. The Golden Girls are on in the living room and I sip-sipping my way to a night of relaxation and a manana of the same.

This week has been relatively busy on many different levels. This was, for once, a very slow week for me business-wise. Most of the downtown area was blocked off as of Tuesday to make way for the Wild West Fest. I was to be terribly committed in the salon this week and had been asked to help/participate at numerous booths and declined all offers Monday night. At the end of the week, I had 40% rescheduled guests due to not even wanting to play with parking issues and a serious annoyance with last-minute call-ins the day of their appointment or they called so late in the day that I could not even make a spot available for another guest. I took that as a hint from the universe that I was supposed to lay-low and hang out at home.

As it turned out, I was available to work on Friday representing my second home as a public personality: The PULP booth. The PULP is an independent/alternative publication I contribute for by writing my fashion and trend column, "Haute Mess" (you can see back-issues at http://www.pueblopulp.com/).

Surprisingly, I really enjoyed representing and helping out my team. I had never really involved myself and always thought of myself as a personality, and not a team member. This weekend, as much as I played the local celeb, I had so much fun participating and not being obligated to do anything except be me. They are one amazing group of people.

I had a mixture of night events that were not so great this week. Alot of people ditching out on me due to time-constraints, other obligations or just general "lack of interest".

I was at an event on Saturday evening that I walked with Andrew down to a tent event and could not handle the crowd. The scene was just not "me". Have you ever felt out of place so incoherently that you wanted to simply dissapear or run? That's what happened.. I hugged Andrew after twenty minutes of standing grumbily and excused myself, "Have fun with your friends" I said and dashed off.

As I walked off in the night down the street I call home. I walked silently and calmly back to Studio J Ry. My friend texted me, "I just woke up. So Sorry."

Poor thing, she had been working the festival too. I don't blame her for being tired. All my other friends had dashed off to other venues or houseparties (which do not peak my interest) and I began to text Andrew. Tears were in my eyes...

I texted him that I was sorry for being a bitch and that it simply wasn't my scene to accompany him that evening. My main concern was that I did not want his friends or him to think poorly of me for leaving. The truth was: I was being a bitch who thought I was too good for the crowd. I had an ego moment and my tears weren't coming from leaving, but from being a douchebag.

All of the hand-shakes, public acclaim and compliments had come to a screeching hault when I went to that event. I was no longer the star. Sure, there were some attentive goers, but I found myself saying, "this is not my scene and I hate it here" out loud.

I knew that this devilish person saying these things had to go. I had to go home. As I left, someone stopped me, it was one of Nasia's clients. She said, "I LOVE following you online, you look so damn good! I'm so proud of you.

Had she not heard about the recent falling out?

Once again, another Josh-Nasia falling out.

"I need to lose 20 more pounds", I said.

"you're being stupid! You're fucking hot!" she said. "Whatever you're doing, I'm proud of you."

I had seen an influx of my peers do things at this event I would have NEVER DONE. I don't represent something unless my heart is in it and for once since my time leaving Headlines, I saw myself cling to my own interest and not the interest of the salon. Janelle was working alone with her friend, mom and boyfriend in tow and I was merely, 'a public personality'.

I see me growing away from my peers and branching off into different interests. Interests that are my own, interests I don't wish to share, but wish to push passionately as a Kindergartener and say, "look what I did today!"

I saw that person as I walked away from Andrew's group. He was so sweet and his friends were too, but the event was not my interest (nor his, I heard the next day) and I've had to accept that that is okay. I did not want to work outside the salon because, frankly, feather extensions aren't my thing. I just want to make my clients happy... and there's nothing wrong with that.

I looked at my texts as I was about a block away from my doorway and saw a text from Nasia that morning apologizing for her outburst the week prior and began to write an e-mail. I deleted it.

I deleted her message and my reply and by the time I got home, I had planned out my response.

I was in the bubble bath listening to the live music just downstairs outside my window and re-read the influx of texts from friends, "you look good", "let's do bevs or dinner next week", "sorry couldn't make it."

And then I remembered the last text I got from Nasia saying we're different and have grown apart. I got up, got dressed and e-mailed my reply.

Maybe my interests have changed...

I have to understand that NOT all crowds, interests or previous co-stars are mine, we change. Change is scary when it's good and as Saturday turned into Sunday, I was terrified.

xoxo.
JRy

Dedicated to my favourite confidante Andrew. I'm sorry for being a picky-bitch and love you for hanging out with a picky bitch like me. ; ) x0x0-jry

Dear Lisa, you are a sweet co-star by far that I am adoring getting to know you. We all fall asleep sometimes. ; ) xoxo-jry.

6.01 :: One bumpy ride.

2011-05-16T12:33:00.000-07:00

Good afternoon lambs,

It's a brisk May afternoon in the heart of SoCo as I type this. I'm sipping a hazelnut soy latte and reading all the latest on Gaga's soon to be released single, "Hair".

As I'm reading up on her and reading up on Donald Trump saying he's NOT running for president and Madonna's interest in Vita Coco Coconut Water, I'm looking at these people I admire and see so much stuff...

You have one (Miss Gaga) that is releasing more music even before the album has come out.

You have the other (Mister Trump) that wants to make a bold move, toyed with the thought and is saying it's okay, he's content being The Donald and not The President.

Then, my major mentor Madge having the controlling interest in a beverage company. Again, setting trends and making waves in a field outside of the music industry.

For me, these last couple months have been aggravating and creative on an embryonic level. Like Gaga, I keep giving hints of a salon I'm opening and have starting getting all the plans into motion toward opening Joshua Ryan, Inc. Like Mister Trump, I'd like to do something major like become a technical director or lead make-up educator for TIGI or L'Oreal and pull away when opportunity is near and like Madge, my other interest being a fashion columnist, online personality and author is proving to be a very successful venture.

Is this spreading ourselves too thin getting in the way of growing on a personal level?

I have to wonder at times, is it all too much too soon or am I filtering out all the items I want now.

Clearly, a salon is going to be happen. I'm aggravated with my current setting not being I hate being there, but because I simply do not play by rules very well. I am a superstar, I believe and know that, and need to be treated like one. I am not someone who works 3 days a week.
I work for Joshua Ryan, Inc 24/7 and as soon as I can open a studio, I'm happy. June 1st begins stage one of working on imagery, a photoshoot, ordering stations and scouting a location.

I left Headlines last June 1st and June 3rd started working at my friend's studio. Lately, the polluted and congested nature of Headlines is rearing it's dirty little dragon's mouth into my life and projecting hate and jealousy to me through the devilish words of the owner's mother (curve ball!) and even my once-best friend. In a text sent Saturday, I was asked if we could separate and split ties. After years of frustration and realizing that Headlines has a hold on her, I have decided OFFICIALLY that Nasia and I need our space.

I wish her well and love her family, but we often ask for thing we don't think will come true and this time she may just get what she's asking for. She asked for a separation and said we grew apart, well, then, let's just grow apart already. One day, she'll come around, in the meantime, my focus will unfortunately, NOT be on her. Sad sitiuation really.

Headline's queenmother decided to stop me in a restaurant and let me know she hates my ad campaign, therefore, I renewed my contract and will be back in 50,000 homes in the area by the second week of June this time NOT USING hairmodels, but myself. I want my face shown and known.

These two situations have allowed me to decide to release my support as a businessman of Headlines and it's contents, employees, contracted engagements and influence thereof. The evil nature of the people has creeped into the lives of people I once admired. It now, serves as the fire under my arse to create the so-often talked about JOSHUA RYAN name.

I have had numerous offers this year to represent for the likes of major names L'Oreal and TIGI. Also two small brands have contacted me. Right now, this adventure is NOT my priority. I will not be representing any company except my own at this time. The focus must be 100% on me.

Finally, the success of my column, "Haute Mess" has brought me events and appearances this summer including my place as a judge for a dancing competion. All the money goes to charity to help Pueblo, Colorado's homeless. I am honoured and can't wait to be there August 13th juding in my "hautest" way known.

So, that is Volume 6. Volume 6 is back to Josh. There may be some drama. There may be content that makes people angry and you will KNOW about it first hand. I have never been one to censor or filter my life or it's contents on my blog.

Stay tuned lambs, this summer's gonna be one bumpy fucking ride.

xoxo,

Joshua Ryan

5.13 :: A story about honouring my clientele...

2011-03-22T05:19:00.000-07:00

Good morning lambs!

It's early on a Tuesday morning and I'm sipping coffee, wearing a yellow Shampoo Boy by J Ry t-shirt and Diesel trunks tip-tapping away from the office at Studio J Ry.

Freshly tanned.

Freshly up.

Freshly sneezing... yep, it's allergy season.

When I was a little guy, allergy season killed me! As a teenager, it was murderous! I could NOT focus, in my early twenties, I even called off a couple times, a business owner, NEVER! I would take whatever I could (still do to this day) to suppress the urge of sneezing and hurting eyes to take care of my client.

I am at a position where my career cannot be turned off, not for sickness, not for a anything.

I was offered ANOTHER position with a beauty brand LAST week from TIGI and have been outweighint my options: L'Oreal or TIGI?

I've had conflicts in my head like, "Why can't we ALL get along?"

My strong belief is that all haircare brands are good at what they do or at least have ONE facet they're amazing at. So, a couple of weeks ago, I started a beauty blog. I have always wanted to publicly endorse products through hairshows, class appearances and public stamps of approvable and currently, on my side, I have stamps from six different companies that wanted to hire me. I've also been trained by four of them.

Think of all the endorsement as my "portfolio". Some of them are key players, some NOT so much.. anymore.

The other day I was talking about competition and the whole hairdresser loyalty subject to a guest of mine. I outwieghted why someone like me that is cocooned in their life and sees the two (my personal and business) as the same: I LIVE it artistically. I live the dream . I sewed the two together the way a public personality (Rachael Ray, Lady Gaga, Madonna) sews their projects to them like medals or, even so, arms and limbs, whereas there are other stylists our there that may be techinically gifted but have OTHER things on their brains like their boyfriends, clubbing and being seen at events, but not promoting themselves, just living.

Niether (Artist) Hairdresser A or (At-work) Hairdresser B is the better example. The two are generally amazing at what they do in their own way. Just like my favourite beauty brands. Different bottles, different scents, different marketing, but just as good, and JUST AS professional.

This creates competition.

Competition is NEVER BAD. In fact, the main goal of competition is to recognize the TOP in that particular field. I respect my comepeting peers and have strived long and hard to become a competitor in the local hair arena.

Recently being told I have to make decision to step away and education propelled me to tell a major corporate brand representative, "I am incredibly busy behind the chair. Don't make me chose one, because my clients win."

To leave for a brand will never be the story of my life.

I do not wish to "shadow" a "senior" artist in my life ever. I do not see them as competition. They're two different jobs. One creates (me) and one sells and educates (them). I do both in my salon and to remove the client interaction for me would be like me walking around with an oxygen tank during allergy season.

Sure, it's hard to breather sometimes and sure my eyes itch, but I'm up and at 'em and doing it. Itch and sneeze suppressent in place at time, but I rock out my day and don't let someone put an oxygen mask on me. No one has control over me and that's what the "oxygen mask" symbolizes in this case. Allergies are my obstacles both literally and metaphorically.

So, to assure you all, I'm not going anywhere. I'm here. I'm happy and I will always make the best decisions that honor my dreams, but also, honour my clientele.

xoxo.

Josh

5.12 :: A story about integrity

2011-03-17T08:50:00.000-07:00

Good morning lambs!

Well, well, it's St. Patrick's Day! I can't believe it. 2011 is marching past me one little day at a time.

As I look back at the blog, it's almost a year old!

Has it lost it's zeal?

No. I don't think so.

I think it's defenitely changed focus. We've had our drama haven't we? HA HA.

I look back at some of my high-points about hanging out with friends and lows like leaving my last salon that actually were highs where I was super distraught and the emotion conveyed is so pure!

I think back to that place now a year ago and I was trying to make something happen that didn't need to happen. I had just booked a tour with CHI Academy to start in April and last date to end on my birthday, August 30th. By April 10, my tour had been cancelled as well as all my appearances unconfirmed and eventually Farouk Stystems didn't even reply except to tell me to "pay [my] own way" due to downsizing in education and budget cuts.

L'Oreal had come up on the horizon and pulled the distribution rights for the beauty distributor in Denver I was consulting for and teaching for freelance. I was so not happy about that because it killed every opportunity!

I was unhappy at Headlines and I was trying to make things happen with "Panda" that were not even really there emotionally and for me, that was THE CLOSEST to a relationship I had gotten myself into and none of my friends or co-workers were happy for me.

Wierd, huh?

Classic story: super successful, young, ambitious, has it all, and at the same time, had nothing.

I had my clients and a dream.

As Stylines shut it's doors, L'Oreal came knocking. Being the largest beauty manufacturer in the world and a colour line I've always loved, I jumped at the chance to become a certified colourist with the company. Once you've hit L'Oreal, that's kinda the creme de la creme of the haircolour buisiness, you're haircolour royalty. As I received my certificate, I gained the confidence to walk away from Headlines. And the next day, I resigned and the following morning I cleared out my shit, and walked into my beauitful future.

As all of this was going on, Panda ended up using me for money and getting him out of financial jams while I, myself, did not know if I was gonna be in business 6 weeks later. Money was good, my stress load lifted as I walked and I turned my back on CHI and had an offer from Joico to educate for them eventually turning them down (a year later, I wish I would have said yes)

I've only turned two manufacturers down EVER!! FHI tried to hire me while I was training with CHI and Joico as L'Oreal had approached me.

As the year has gone by, I solidified myself as more than a Rockstar stylist, I propelled myself into public personality. Taking on public events, a new photoshoot, a HUGE ad campaign, the PULP Awards, writing for PULP and building my clientele.

As 2011 hit, I realized the talent and power were there. I'd become a mainstay, almost an icon in local business and needed to dent the industry once more. L'Oreal contacted me this last week asking for me to shadow and begin the process of becoming a technical director for the state of Colorado.

So, with a column, a solid clientele and a public persona- this Rockstar is moving on and back into educating one's self into being Tabatha, Vidal, and Anthony Mascolo with alot of attitude and ALOT OF diva! LOL!!!

Along the way, my friends have changed. I consider my clientele a major partof who I am. If you count them all, I have roughly 350 close friends and 150 of those that see me regularly. My close group has changed (kinda- not really).

I have my mum (of course), Nasia, and Andrew. Things are warming up between Tish and I and I'm still searching for someone to fill the relationship void in my life. (well, not really)

Through this whole year, you guys have taught me, I can DO IT! And that faces change, but my success is controlled my me, not a major salon, not a Panda, not a haircare brand!

It's all about integrity, and baby, 5 volumes later and many haircolours later, I'm still here.

xoxo.

Joshy

5.11 :: A story about egos gone wild...

2011-03-02T19:09:00.000-08:00

Well good evening lambs,

It's mid-week, after hours after a full-day at the salon and I'm blogging for me life. ha ha. Not really, but kinda... (you know how I LOVE blogging!)

So, this week has been a WHOLE SLEW of news articles about people I love!! We've got Lady Gaga's "Born This Way" video and her runway debut for Mugler in Paris. We have John Galliano, the genius he may be, making racial slurs and anti-semitic comments and I heard this morning that Christina Aguilera was so intoxicated last night that she was taken into custody for public intoxication...

OMG, where are my role models going and why are THEY my role models?

I know this sounds like I'm casting judgment (which I am), but don't you feel like you also cast judgement when someone you admire makes a really dumb decision?

I mean, for starters, Gaga's "Born This Way" video REALLY failed to impress me and her latest avante-garde creation as a nouveau Bride of Frankestein is not flattering at all! I LOVE artsy people, but sometimes they make stupid decions. Giving birth to alien Gaga heads in a music video about being proud to be gay is NOT my idea of amazing! Or Avante Garde.

Christina, she's having a hard time with her divorce and was so drunk (thank God she was NOT driving)

And then there's my favourite John Galliano saying bad stuff (how elementary school of me) on film about Jewish people. Not cool!

All these amazing individuals made me think: DO I LOVE HOW I'M PORTRAYED PUBLICLY?

I mean, really, ask yourself... have you done dumb shit too?

We ALL have. Fact is, I'll still buy Gaga's record, and LOVE Christina and follow Galliano on Twitter! They made horrible decision creatively and personally, but I still love them. I think alot about that when I'm blasting some odd situation over Twitter or have a cyber-rant on Facebook in front of all my clients.

I think about appearing like a douche and why it's not okay to be as public as I am. And then, at the end of the day I have to remember that we ARE ALL people and we ALL put our pants on ONE LEG AT A TIME.

Today, a client of mine was talking about Charlie Sheen's fiasco and demanding $2 million an episode. We didn't talk about the $2 million or the show, we talked about all the CBS has to let go due to Charlie's publicity and deciding to shut down the show!

My client shared this with me. He says he prays every morning and tells God, "Give me enough money not to be mad at you, but not enough to forget you."

Makes you think!

Did Charlie forget about his divine spark? His Creator? Does he EVEN believe that?

What about Gaga portraying herself as "Mother Monster" and giving birth to Gaga-heads in the new vid? Is she really taking the "Queen" of pop title to heart? Does she believe she's really a "mother" to all her Monsters? And Galliano said he loved Hitler and wanted to gas all the jews! You know, I have alot of Jewish leanings and a Sephardic background. Not cool. Does he REALLY think that or was the alcohol talking?

All of this is not a case of money, fame or booze. It's EGO.

Watching my favourite celebs praise and idolize their own egos made me put myself back into perspective.

I'm just Josh.

I blog, I write, I want to be a superstar in this industry, but when I start calling myself "Mother Monster" and talking about "gassing [religious groups]", it's terrifying.

I didn't actually say any of these things, but I really believe what my Rabbi said, "we are all mirrors of each other"

Are all of these people I admire showing me all that COULD happen to me?

How many comments or bad decisions are we from spinning out of control?

Not too far when you think of it.

Today, I want to thank my 65 year old gentleman Robert for telling me his prayer. I told him mine and my mantra and he shared his with me (coincidentally HE used to do hair TOO), he taught me so much more than Gaga, Galliano or any public figure could. He taught me to appreciate what I have and NOT give in to my ego.

-J Ry.

5.10 :: A story about getting busy....

2011-02-28T15:54:00.000-08:00

Well, hello lambs!

So, it's almost March. Can you believe it?!?

I can't believe it...

I can't believe how this year has gone by!

I can't belive how busy my life has become.

Last week, I was hit with a monstrous man-cold the size of Florida! HA HA.

It was not fun, but then again, when are men ANY fun when they're sick?

I haven't written in a couple weeks. As I looked at my last post (5.09) I was sickened with my offense to being told how "unwelcoming" I am. I think I propelled myself into a mancold. LOL.

There were so many avenues being opened to me as I wrote my last blog. I had two salons (I heard through the grapevine) that were excercising their options to sell. I called one location to investigate the truth and the listed price. I am yet to receive a phone call.

Making that phone call made me put my life back into perspective! I have the goal in my heart to open a salon and to be this massive success, but sitting about in a sullen way is NOT how to go about achieving your dreams!

I also learned that I need to save more money! I have all faith in opening a salon, but I have got to CLUE in that money just DOES not appear!

I have this remarkable little life and remarkable people in it, but cannot justify half of my purchases like clothes and going out to dinner with friends.

I need to wise up a bit financially and undestand that money DOES not grow on trees and that I need to save more, instead of spending more. So, as heartbreaking and earth-shattering as it is to type, it's true: I'm not a good saver.

I need to clue-in fast and do what Suze Orman would do.

lol.

Recently, my mum was rushed to the hospital due to her leg not being in such amazing condition. She was told to stay off her leg and rest which means that her time working with my father may be soon gone. The dream has always been to have my mum be IN the salon with me running my empire. With this injury, she may soon have to stop working and where is the salon I've so promised and talked about??

Hmmm....

I need to spend LESS time partying and MORE time planning my success: that's what two weeks away from my blog has taught me: it's time to flip BACK into serious mode and make sure those investments in myself are back to normal.

No more investing my brain's channels into "am I mean?" "Does so-and-so like me?" No sir!

I need to get a good clear view of where I'm headed: salon owner.

Being sick taught me more than just to take care of myself: it showed me that I have nothing better to do than get busy!

Hearts, lambs,

Josh

Volume 5 EP (exxtended post) ::: Q's from YOU, my haute-arse readers and followers..

2011-02-16T23:11:00.000-08:00

So, I thought I'd take the opportunity to answer some many asked questions that have hit my inbox and the rumour mill.... This is an EXXTENDED POST ....

1. What are the chances of you working a hairshow? Anytime soon?

JRY: The chances of me working a hairshow are slim right now, as of now, I still have my L'Oreal endorsement as an active INOA artist, but have not completed requirements for educating or touring. It is with respect, that I can confirm researching avenues with: Framesi, Sexy Hair and Joico. As far as working anytime soon, no. The soonest educational event I have planned is an American Crew class (THE FIRST company I worked for in 2008) for later this month. I am considering pursuing advanced placement with the Denver-based company and educating stylists on the art of WOWING a male clientele.

2. How's your dream salon coming along? Are you looking to open this year? 2012, like you said or when??

JRY: Good question! Right now, the act of opening a salon is not relevant. 2011 is not my ideal year, especially before taxes! I have had three opportunities arise in the last two weeks regarding possible spots for my salon. I can tell you now, firmly, NONE of those locations are ideal for me at this moment in time. Right now, I'm writing the concept and policy guide for my salon with my mum, Yvonne Cooley. I want her by my side on opening day. My good friend and Trendsetters salon owner Janelle knows I'm actively looking to open a business, so it's not a hush-hush conversation, it's something I like talking to her and OTHER salon owners about at least three times a week. No open this year though.

3. You should have an online portfolio of your work! Can we view one?

JRY: A portfolio project is IDEAL for me PRIOR to opening a salon. "Flawless" was supposed to be the project I was going to use as my portfolio piece, unfortunately, I do not feel Pueblo offers the appropriate artistic collaborator... who knows?! I may bust out a lense and start shooting pics myself!

4. You NEVER sleep! How do you keep doing what it is you do? Seriously, take a break, Josh! You deserve it.

JRY: I do sleep (at odd times) and do not deserve a break til all of the above list is completed! Besides, my followers, lambs, and clients would miss me if I slept in too long!

xoxoxo--- thanks for the q's guys!

Follow me on Twitter and get REALLY candid with me at http://www.twitter.com/prettyboyedu.

5.09 :: A story about softening up...

2011-02-16T22:59:00.000-08:00

Good evening little lambs,

How are you?

It's about midnight on Thursday morning and I'm sitting here fresh from a bubble bath and fresh from a sushi supper with my fashionista friend, Michelle.

I totally needed the support of friends today. I even stepped away from the salon mid-afternoon to have lunch today with an amazingly supportive group of my favourite "girls". I can't tell you how I feel regarding my clientele. I don't even know if I consider them "clientele" anymore. They are by-far, family, and THE closest friends I have right now.

Starting this blog, a year or so ago, I see the progession in each volume and this one (Volume 5) seems to be all business and no adventure. Well, let's take you on a little ride, shall we?

It was brought to my attention last night that a salon peer of mine will be leaving my current salon not due to business, not due to location, not due to hours, but due to: me.

Yes.

You read it right! Me.

I am overly pushy, overly ambitious, over confident and from sources, I "intimidate" her and make her "uncomfortable" and even though she loves the salon, she'd much rather leave due to me being there.

I debated whether or not to write about this, but I had to! It's not to defame anyone or put names on the situation, but it's to make Light of it! As you know, I have NO secrets and those people that choose NOT to agree with my posting may kindly exit.

I mean it- leave. please.

I heard that I'm "pushy", "arrogant" and "talk down to people".

You know who else did that?

Madonna.

Vidal Sasoon.

Tabatha Coffey.

Winston Churchill.

Pablo Picasso.

Anna Wintour.

And yes, even Oprah.

All of whom, I aspire to become and embody in my own melange of J Ry.

For whatever reason this person decides to leave or state that I made he so UNCOMFORTABLE, I wish her well. Perhaps I am the unsung mentor that needs to be mentioned in her memoir. I hope she grows from this decision, just as I grew when I left Headlines.

Truly.

No shit.

I do.

With that aside, I've been rather down today and needed my friends to paint the smile back on my MAC-covered face.

.....so, if you notice my posts are a bit "darker" than Light, please understand, that I am eating a well-needed critique (I guess)

I need to "soften up" some on salon peers and I may even need to debate mixing ANY business and pleasure.

5.08 :: A story about my five loves and why Valentine's Day is my favourite.

2011-02-14T21:18:00.000-08:00

Well good evening dollfaces!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Yep, you heard me. Valentine's Day. It is by far, my favourite holiday. I love the amourous amount of love that people give each other (no matter what) on this day and even the emo-inspired love-haters make me happy too with their rainclouds of hate for anything pink and frilly today.

Remember one thing, I love you even if you hate today.

Anyway, it's abou 10:30 or so and I'm sipping a German Riesling at Studio J Ry after a whole afternoon/evening of hanging with Anthanasia, Jaxton, new baby Serenity and the whole Gallegos-Gitzen brood of kids and Daddy Gabe.

I never thought that after this many years, Nasia would remember this is my favourite day. Most years, we exchange loving e-mails about what we mean to each other and I'm the first to initiate. This year, however, she wrote me one first yesterday while I was out with my mum celebrating.

Tonight was impromptu, I surprised her with a new designer clutch, bottle of wine and a Shampoo Boy by J Ry shirt to RAVE reviews!

Yesterday, I spent all day with my mum and we bought each other cookbooks and coffee and wine and spent the evening at my house watching The Grammys and cooking shows.

For me, that meant alot.

Now, for many, they don't figure his as the archetype of a Valentine's celebration, but for me, it is. I was telling people over Twitter and a few friends and my two Valentines that I can count my loves on 1 hand.

Yes.

1 hand.

I am classicly single, but love it.

And I always make comments like, "I have less that 5 friends or desires"... it may be exactly five.

Pointing at my hand, I count them down.

1. my mum.

2. Nasia

3. my career

4. something undescribed and undefined that keeps me going.

5. me.

#5 means alot to me because IF YOU DON'T love yourself, how the hell can you love someone else?

#1 is my mum. My mum was single when she had me. It was me and her for a year or so til she got back together with my dad. But my mum sacrificed a whole lot for me. In my early adult years, she put an investment in me through beauty school, has ALWAYS been there and even when I didn't want to hear what she told me, it was THE best advice ever.

#2 is Nasia. Nasia taught me and groomed me for success. I always tell people, "when I see Nasia cut hair, I can see colours."

I visually can see her aura as she cuts. It's yellow when she's full of energy and pink when she's playful and very very crimsonesque eggplant is she's deep into symetry. No shit . It is!

Her grooming me as I was a young stylist translated into love on many levels and for sometime, I had a crush on my best friend and always announced that if I could marry a WOMAN, it would have been Nasia. I still beleive that. Through babies, salon changes, husbands and bad talking each other, we have survived it all as if we are an old married couple.

She's my true love.

#3 is my career. That includes clients, education, dreams and the EVERY DAY passion of wanting to excell at my craft. My mum and Nasia fostered that in me and made it tangible for me to express myself and become who you know today.

#4 is obscure to explain. I literally wake up and give thanks. Is it to God? i don't know. My life? I don't know. It could be a mixture of both. There's a desire there. There's a desire at night that drives me to want more. Is the need for a lover or companion? yes. Is it the need to do more and fullfil an inner need? Yes. Is it to show people ALL I can do that keeps me going? Yeah, it's that too!

I always say that when I find someone or get married (God forbid) this #4 will have a name. until then, it's something undescribed that drives me.

Most importantly, my Valentine's Day is a culmination of love that I try to portry daily through my five reasons for living.

AND THAT, lambs, is why Valentine's Day is my fav.

xoxoxo.

Josh

5.07 :: A story about Mister Cooley and all the irrevalance...

2011-02-07T14:40:00.000-08:00

What's up lambs!

It's the one and only Mister Cooley tweeting, blogging and facebooking away from my office in Studio J Ry.

I find so many cool cool thing when I'm surfing my page like the number of views and how many people have shared my blog and webpage and info. Today, I was greeted on Facebook by an e-mail from someone that was very upset about me "unfriending" them.

I actually "unfriended" this person about a week ago after a month or so of debating. She sent me picture of an animation character to my inbox at the beginning of January with this e-mail asking, "how do I get my hair to look like THIS?"

Seriously?

On an anime character?

I was hesitant to reply because it's an animation. It's not even real, so it was awkward that I recieved that. So, I never replied. My reasoning for not replying is because it wasn't even a picture of a celeb or actual hairstyle. It was an animation and seemed so left-field that to me, it was irrevalant to even waste my time performing a consultation. So, I let it be. At the end of the month when I filtred through people on Facebook and connections that were no longer serving a purpose, I deleted her. We're not growing in our relationship and I was hoping to NEVER recieve an e-mail like that ever again.

Well, behold this morning: I was greeted with the subject line, "hummmm...." So I opened it.

In the message, she tells me, "I noticed your unfriended me. I find this strange as in the fact that I referred my sister and mother-in-law to you." I've never seen these people nor have they mentioned her!

So, I never replied to this e-mail.

She continued with "sorry I offended you by not following you properly."

Omg... really, people?

I'm not going to dismiss you for following or not following me, I will dismiss you for sending me unnecessary drama to my inbox though!

This last weekend, I came home Saturday night for the first time aching. Yes, aching.

My body hurt soooo bad.

I was convinced I was dieing. lol. Not really.

I've ever hurt from roller brushing or standing, but this week I did. I literally was on my feet more than I needed to be. I think alot of this has been contributed with the falling through of "Flawless".

As I contacted the photographer of my choice to tell him "Flawless" is going to be a portfolio piece and not an exhibition, he seemed bothered. I'm on this negative kick with people, lately. When "Shampoo Boy" was re-imagined, even my closest famil member glared at the name "J Ry".

"Who is J Ry", I was asked. With a negative, "hmmm.." following.

With "Flawless" people were wanting credit and acted bothered.

So, as I've learned, if you're gonna do it. Do it yourself.

And don't do it because people like you, do it because it feel right.

So, all this lackluster reception, I think has made it's way to my arm and legs. And if there's one thing I rely on, it's my appendages. lol.

My goal is not "Flawless" or "Shampoo Boy", it's gonna be me. My main-winner is my work with my clients and writing my column for PULP and getting my book published. So, I'm gonna focus on Josh and not listen to people as much as I thought I could.

If I listen... everyone's gonna tell me, "sorry I didn't follow you properly."

I have no time for sarcasm or irrevalance. I have time to be with my guest and be the very best Mister Cooley I can be.

xoxoxo.

Josh

PS: Tune in to Tabatha tonight!

5.06 :: A story about my roots and making the venue smaller.

2011-01-31T20:44:00.000-08:00

Good evening lambs,

Well, oh well, it's been a week since my last blog. Maybe longer. Who knows. Who's keeping count? According to my friend at lunch today: alot of you are.

I have one thing to say to you all: thank you.

This last week was kind of a brainf--k for me. I know that sounds harsh, but it was.

It was taxing to finally talk about my artistic endeavours with other "creative types", per se, and feel very neglected by the art community and by so-called "professionals".

I actually found it quite annoying that people from whom I'm seeking advice loved the idea of "Flawless", but either a) couldn't believe I was bringing it to Pueblo, b) wanted more control, c) exercised more ego and signed with a giant breath full of angst and doubt and anticipated scheduling conflicts.

For that reason, I feel as though I do not want to continue in the progress of making "Flawless" a giant art installation as I planned. Maybe more portfolio work between me and the photographer because some of the comments I heard were so stifling to my creative mantra, that I had no other feeling except desperation to go home and go back to bed, hoping I'd wake to more positive feedback.

As the weeks have gone by, I posted "Shampoo Boy by J Ry" and notes about "Flawless" and was told I take myself 'too seriously'. (See 5.05)

At this point, I have to reverb on my own advice and put a stop to even wanting to continue airing out my projects.

Was it too much too soon?

Was it not expected that I'd follow through?

I'm quite angry actually.

----I remember being a young young young young little boy in a small house, with my poor grandmother and my mum and dad who were building their business and telling me how hard they had to work.

I remember waking up in the morning and eating a fried egg and sipping orange juice or watered-out coffee my Guela made me and going to school and being a very Mediterrenean baby walking around alot of children that did not look like me or act like me or have my ambition.

I remember weekends at my Guela's and feeling a sense of warmth like I was THE most special child in the world. I grew up in a small house, in a poor neighbourhood on the weekends with her and sometimes during the week eating fried semolina pasta with tomatoe-based sauces and being sent off to learn a song or perfect a drawing or read a book. Not children's books though, books about angels and metaphysical things.

As I grew up and matured, I tried my hardest to be the best at what I did. Whether it was singing, dancing, acting, drawing, talking about writing short stories and magazine articles in W and Interview or talking about a film-crew following me as I took on world to create a pop record or salon empire. Those were my dreams and no one made me feel like I was 'too serious' or expected too much.

As we know, I grew up not be a pop star in Europe, but to become a force in my industry.

I found out along the way that people are envious and that when you work with envious people: the project dies. It fails to breathe in creative air.

One hint I had that this grew with me as an adult was always giving ideas at my last business ad when I would throw out a brilliant marketing idea, people would tell me, "that's too big! That's stupid. It's too serious!"

and we'd go through and do it and it was in-fact a million dollar idea.

However, the million or thousands or even a baby hundred, never made it to my pocket.

You know why?

I was working with envious people that wanted my creativity as theirs.

I was told "no" and then praised when the idea hit.

As I've interviewed people for "Flawless", only one has impressed me in his professionalism and the one I was counting on seemed so condescending like people of my early days telling me "no", making money and taking credit and bashing me and trying to contain me.

So tonight, I came home, sat up, meditated on my meditations from last night and have decided to make "Flawless" a MUCH smaller project.

I made some fried semolina pasta and a friend egg and watered-out coffee and thought about my hard-working parents, my poor grandmother and my upbringing and all those people that loved me AFTER I garnered them recognition.

My roots will always bind me and restrain me, but I feel like, it's needed this time.

I simply do not trust anyone with my "Flawless" exhibition at this time in terms of MASS photos and art installation.

I do however, want to continue with my portfolio intimately with one photographer.

It's not who I thought and the project is not where I want it to go, but I think scaling it down will be much better.

Not only do I NOT have to hear people tell me I'm "taking it too serious" or "too far"

I don't even have to share until it's time for show and tell.

So, with my last spoonful of pasta and half a cup of coffee later... I am officially announcing that "Flawless" will be smaller and more intimate.

All my love,

Josh

5.05 :: A story about one serious "lamb"

2011-01-20T21:34:00.000-08:00

Well good evening lambs,

It's about 10:30 pm as I'm sitting here at my laptop sipping Zico coconut water and stroking my hilites... ha ha... Stroking.My.Hilites. Let's tweet that! ha ha.

Newly hilited and youtubed this week, I embarked on re-creating the 3rd phase of Shampoo Boy by transforming the brand into Shampoo Boy by J Ry in promotion of my official website http://www.josh-cooley.com/ and handing over the design reigns to my good friend and fellow creative Mo at Lastleaf Printing and Design. I can't tell you how happy I am over this collaboration!

As I filmed a YouTube video with my Blackberry and started tweeting web-addresses, etc., I was told that perhaps I was being "a bit much". I guess that means I need to tone it down a bit. This week, I also posted on my Facebook page that as my financial goal for 2011 is to save my 8-month-emergency fund (per Suze Orman), I would start to look for an assistant at the completion of that action...

People literally started texting me, e-mailing me and posting on my wall how much they want the job and how much it would pay and what the hours were like! OMG!! I said, "when the opportunity comes..." meaning it's not time, but it's close.

I was told recently that I take myself too seriously and that all the interviews with photographers and models for "Flawless" are "too serious". Well, I'm serious about getting this project underway! I'm interviewing three photographers and looking for people that want to expand their portfolios... That's all.

I had one guy actually interrupt my first interview twice and then came and sat at the table as I was interviewing and forced himself on me, for me, that's abrassive. His official interview is tomorrow and if his excitement shows me anything, it shows me that a) he's excited to work with me or b) he's pushy and needs work.

I'm not about pushy or needing work. I need the artistic element to ALWAYS be there. I need integrity in all I work with all the way from models chosen to photograhers: if that's too serious, then this IS NOT the project for them nor is my company as a hairdresser or business person.

For me, Joshua Ryan, Inc is both artistic and business: it is my life.

I have purposely cocooned all of it together.

As I tore open the archive of my book, "Pretty Boy Education". I see so much "young Josh" coming out and love it and hate it all at the same time. I see my obsessions with HLines and Nasia and Panda and hate that person at points in my book for being gullable and led astray. I WAS the lamb, not the shepard at many points.

When I started referring to people as "lambs" and took what I did serious as a business, people starting talking about how I do business and that there was 'too much' ego involved.

No, it's not ego. It's about the art behind what I do. It's about using marketing AS THE artform. It's about the world we live in now: the world of brands, cyber stalkers and 24/7 access.

Is that serious? Or have I collapsed into being 2011's "lamb"?

Have I lost my shepard's clothes and guidance? Or am I just one serious lamb?

You tell me.

xxxo.

j ry

PS: Feedback appreciated. You may publicly post on Facebook, Twitter or e-mail me at jcooley@fasmail.co.uk

5.04 :: A story about "you = me"

2011-01-16T22:59:00.000-08:00

Good evening lambs,

Well, it's Monday morning. 12 midnight and I will officially be with clients at 12 pm -- that leaves me twelve hours to shower, sleep, possibly work out, shower again, return phone calls and start going down my to-do list before I get behind the chair and start working magic following by a meeting at 6pm AND "Tabatha's Salon Takeover" at 8pm.

Oh. My. God.

Yes, this was a real run-down of my life. And yes, that is EXACTLY how it HAS to play out in my head. It strictly is business for me. Even sleeping is business!

This week was magnificent in terms of having some time for myself and getting focused. I'm happy to confirm that after my appearance at the PULP Party, I will be around alot longer at PULP and "Haute Mess" has been making waves. I've also spoken with other contributors about getting active in the community.

One thing we do not have a good hold on is the gay-straight alliance we could actually have. Yes, I just said that... we COULD have that!

I don't belive in calling attention to something as small as sexuality, but feel abliged to lend my mentorship as I spoke with the write of our gay-themed column "Inside Out". We lack positive role modesl and open role models (not to mention OPEN-MINDED) in our community and I feel like as I progress on my journey, I need to get on board and voice that it's really okay to be powerful and part of the gay community.

Part of getting involved with causes has come from the fact that my clients have given me so much and I want to give back. Just this weekend, there was an event that my client organized for her friend's daughter that is battling cancer and that really, really spoke to me. I donated $50 towards a session with me and products from TIGI's Rockaholic range. For me, that's such a small task.

I attended the event with my mum in tow for a total of about 10 minutes to give a cash donation and say hi. It was sooooo busy, my mum and I left to meet my dad for wine and dinner on the other side of town. I had to stop in because I said I WOULD. My mum says, "this means alot to you, huh?"

The only way to answer that is that even if it didn't mean alot to me, it meant alot to my client to be there (even for 10 minutes).

Alot of my appearance and meeting have been running into my schedule. I've been trying to get my financial life in order (per Suze Orman's 8-month emergency fund) and get all my creative ventures off the ground...

One other aspect has been the re-creation of Shampoo Boy with one of my good mates at Lastleaf Design. I am proud to announce, we are working on designs and T-shirts will be out soon for order and for purchase via josh-cooley.com. Also, the official logo for Joshua Ryan, Inc. will be unveiled this year!

I have re-connected with that fact that my manuscript has sat in silence and I am resurrecting the flashdrive with all the chapters and finishing the editing process... all while working on "Flawless" and in time for February and Men's fashion week (beginning January 23rd), I am looking for new 'looks' and moods for me on a personal front.

Yes, Joshua Ryan is growing up...

If you haven't had a chance to listen to Ricky Martin's new single, "The Best Thing About Me Is You"... get there now to youtube or Ricky's website.

The BEST thing I could ever post this week was the phrase "YOU = ME".

I really believe we mirror each other in this life and what matters to you matters to me and what matters most lambs is our integrity. Integrity in our passions, careers, family life and in our souls.

With all my love, remember that YOU matter MOST to ME.

J Ry

YOU = ME.

5.03 :: A story about reaching out to a hateful lamb through my trust in others.

2011-01-10T21:50:00.000-08:00

Good evening lambs,

So, it's Monday night and I'm sitting in my office at Studio J Ry finishing up a Heineken and listening to Duran Duran's new album. I absolutely adore Duran Duran. Yeah, I know they're old, but man, I have always said, I would love to look like them when I'm fifty: super tan and highlighted and well-suited like Simon... yep, me at fifty.

So, last week was absolutely a wonderful start to the new year. I had my very very first influx of e-mails regarding my column, "Haute Mess". I had stories about people stealing papers from businesses and actually longing for the next issue. Not only is that complimentary to me, that's amazing for the staff and contributors of PULP. I'm so very fortunate for this opportunity.

Part of being a public figure is having access to all the opportunity around you, also, part of having these outlets I have access to (ie media, hair shows, endorsements, publication) means I am also a target for scrutiny. I had my very first "hatemail" if you will regarding my column. And as I read it, I was very surprised to see the hurt someone wants to convey in a message. As much as I wanted to be hurt, I read the letter over and over about three-four times and realized: the person writing is a very very sad person inside.

I said, "you know, I'll just post it on the blog." However, the real truth is that anything obtained by PULP or it's editors is the property of PULP. Therefore I cannot disclose much except to say that the reader was very offended that I speak about brand names and designer dudds in a community where they say, "most people are lower to middle class". Well, I disagree, I believe fashion and class is something you have regardless of money or social-status. In fact, I love the underground culture of throwing something together without access to brand or even hundreds or thousands.

As I e-mailed my editor Shannon back and forth, I thanked her for her guidance. I wanted to actually call the person out in a reply in the next issue and she adviced not to as it shows hurt or offense. I thought over lunch as I Blackberry'd her back and forth, "good advice" I thought.

At that moment, I realized that my editor is there to do something I can't: monitor feedback regarding the column. And truth is, I completely trust her.

With this new found trust and seeing my obligations with my busy schedule, I realized, it's time to delegate duties or hire an assistant. As in seeing that my mum will assume the role of salon director in my own salon and help maintain the Joshua Ryan, Inc. brand as it takes off, I realized, assistance is not yet needed.

In seeking out professional advice, I ran the idea of reforming Shampoo Boy to Mo at Lastleaf Designs and started working on our collaboration of designs. My goal is to approve a few designs and run a small printing of shirts and accessories..

As I found this new trust I realized: I am not in this success thing alone. Shannon edits my words for my publication, Mo will assume design duties for the Shampoo Boy line and now I started setting up interviews for the creation of "Flawless". I have a couple photographers set up for January interviews and my next thing is to work on model interviews.

With only a week into the new year, I am touching base on every single aspect of my business! I am getting the finances behind Joshua Ryan, Inc. settled out and officially putting myself on a salary and starting my "8-month" emergency fund, as Suze Orman would say.

I only pray that things stay as is... That is important to me. This drive cannot go away! As this grows, I will offically work on adding trusted individuals to the list of Joshua Ryan, Inc. collaborators.

I always joked saying that my salon and business would be run my clients and friends and as I look at the roster, it just might.

I can't think of any other group of people to trust.

Thank you for giving me faith that you are always there for my best interest.. that totally showed me that the sad soul writing hate letters either needs a job to do or is looking for my attention. Don't worry, my hateful lamb, I'll reach out soon enough...

xoxo.

Josh

PS: Tomorrow is the PULP Holiday party! I'm soooo excited! I've grown to love them!

5.02 :: A story about gratitude in karma.

2011-01-06T17:53:00.000-08:00

Good evening lambs!

I hope your week is going well, mine has been a blur. Yep, a blur.

Today was kind of cool. I actually left the salon early thanks to clients coming in early and even had one move her appointment to an earlier spot. As I looked at my watch and got in my car to hit the tanning salon at a decent hour, it read, "4:30".

Whoa! Seriously?

So, with that, I came up to my office after some self-time in the tanning bed and started busting out new columns, L'Oreal's resume and reformatting it and looking at my datebook of interviews, meetings and public appearances. As I looked at it while I poured myself a glass of Pellegrino, I took a breath and said to myself, "damn! You ARE busy!"

I had never believed people when they tell me I overcommit, but today, I looked at my schedule and said, "you have got to be kidding!"

This morning as I was balayaging (painting) some hi-lites on my guest, I told her, "I literally love my clientele right now. Love. Love them. I could sit for cocktails or dinner or just talk all night to any of my clients like they weren't just friends, but like my family."

That in turn made my busy schedule not look so devoted. It looked like a wonderful investment. The investment of them and their time to me and my time to them and getting to genuinely know them. I do not take my clients light-heartedly. I value them like precious jewels and metals from the far corners of the world.

Today, a new guest even called me forty minutes after her haircut and told me, "you are worth your wieght in gold." As I hope not to gain any weight, I sat down and filled with tears... "wow..."

"Thank you." I muttered with my horsey-choked voice. "I've never been told like that, but thank you."

She said, "I don't call people. But I HAD to call you. You were so inviting. You are not snobby and not mean even with as known as you are."

I just thought while she talking about all the people that I try to snub and can't.

I just can't. I do not enjoy it and I don't like dishing that out. So, when I snub someone, it really is meant to hurt, but this client on the phone didn't try to hurt me, she made that EXTRA effort to call me and tell me what I meant to her. It meant alot.

I think today, I found my mirror: I believe we're all mirrors of each other at some internal essense or personality trait (yeah, deep, I know) and I think that someone telling me I'm valuable has come back to me in karma. Amazing amounts. It was a reminder of all the good in my life and to not dish out bad or accept the bad.

It was gratifying.

Thank you for reading and loving,

- j ry.

PS: Nasia had her baby!!!! This is number 4! But as you know... more to come later. xo. j ry.

5.01 :: A story about my close-up in 2011

2011-01-02T19:29:00.000-08:00

Well Happy NEW Year lambs, dollfaces, pretty boys and haute messes!

I'm back!! With a brand new volume of adventures and updates in tow, my month-long hiatus felt as if I was on vacation for years! Yes, years.

Think of it this way: I felt like No Doubt. Nothing released in years. Just living off a few albums. I know I'm so much more than that, but so is Gwen and crew, with that said, I'm happy to be back on the web divulging all my guilty gossipy pleasures and leaking info pertaining to my artistic little exitence.

2010 was a huge year in my career: I left the largest salon in our area taking 90% of my clientele and another 25% of the salon's clientele only to move into a smaller, more intimate setting to become much happier. The birth of Joshua Ryan, Inc was a milestone as I registered for my first business license last June solo of a major salon or name attached to mine.

Shortly after, a major break-up occured between flings, fans and business peers, only to sift itselt out into me buying a large Studio space and transforming it six months later into Studio J Ry: my home.

For Studio J Ry, I felt that it should NOT look like an apartment or the loft I shared with Panda, but more so, it should look like a luxury hotel room and with that said, I started creating the pieces of my luxurious little puzzle known as Joshdom.

My business literally quadrupled in size in six months and as 2011 chimed in, I was greeted by embraces from devoted readers, clients, lambs, etc and a smaller crowd. A more intimate crowd.

I greeted the new year with Jules, my salon mate for dinner. As we left, I took a break and checked some e-mail back at the studio and met up with Andrew for cocktails around 10:30. We had a very real time in a very mellow setting and let me tell you: It was THE best new year's eve I've ever had.

That day I had a booked myself an extension party for a close group of fashionistas preparing for New Years's Eve and had lunch, followed by a few cocktails solo, a bubble bath, a changing and cleaning of the apartment and then the evening as mentioned above.

That night, after the toll of midnight, I slammed my champagne and Andrew and I hurried through the cold where I prepared a quicky-zip fried midnight snack for the pair of us to return Andrew back into sober territory.

Avoiding the crowds, the texts and the calamity was something I enjoyed.

The next morning, I woke up feeling renewed and energetic ready to bite 2011 like a cheeseburger.

So, with that said, I have a few info items to leak: 2011 is a year of luxury!

Luxury is something I'm focusing on in the premise that I am going to grow up out of my grungy Rockstar shoes and tidy up for a more refined, artistic appeal to what I do. Don't take this as a warning that my edginess is gone! Oh no! In McQueens and Diesel, I swear to you to deliver a MASSIVE year.

Joshua Ryan, Inc. is officially on it's way to becoming a brand. In such, the art of building a brand or "marketing", per se, is to remain public. My goal has always been to open a salon or work on it sometime in 2012 and with that 12 months away, I guess, I better get crackin'!

This year, I will reveal the following: I'm in it to win it. Nothing else. No more trusting my heart to pandas or pretty boys and no more business associates telling me "no". The slate is clean. Completely.

I have one MASSIVE project to work on. I will be posting applications online soon regarding my venture into the art world. I'm going to produce an art installation for release sometime in the summer. Could be June, could be August... we'll see..

All you need to know is that every image and item used is going to be used for the decor of my salon. I'm on a mission to find models, hair designers, photographers, electronic musicians and film makers to produce a large work entitiled, "Flawless".

Flawless meaning it takes alot of destroying reality to create art. I literally took the local beauty industry and slapped it's arse for being a naughty boy last year. This year, I'm regaining control through the use of my blog, my fashion column, a t-shirt range, a book, and of course through the word of mouth press my clients give me.

With raving reviews of critique or praise, "Flawless" will be produced.

I have many items of gossipy nature I'm sure we'll talk about, but we have a whole year to grow together.

So, in the words of Marlene Dietrich, "I'm ready for my close-up..."

Hearts,

J Ry.

4.13 :: A story about 2011 and my co-pilot.

2010-11-29T22:16:00.000-08:00

Good evening my dear lambs,

How are you?

OR should I say, "Happy Holidays!"

So, coming off of Thanksgiving weekend, I want to clarify something: I did not shop. Nope. Not one red cent on Black Friday from me, no way!

Is it sad to say that I was not impressed with anything?

Not at all.

I opened the sales papers on Turkey Day eve and could not find something worth pushing men and elbowing old women for.

So, as any Turkey Day in the past, I assumed the role as my mum's co-pilot in the kitchen and chatted up my Guela (grandma).

Thanksgiving became a day of chillaxing for me and my mum's house. As I took to the table and served my plate, I noticed my dad's eyes gaze to my plate: small portions, no marshmallows, no potatoes, a decent amount of stuffing. Very little meat. I sensed kind of a sense of loss from him. Like I've changed. Fact is, I've always been that person that doesn't eat meat or pork products (ie meats, gelatin, marshmallows included) or root vegetables. He just noticed it because I've been gone for a few months now.

I've dropped a good 20 lbs, am talking to Nasia again like we were just meeting and have so many social obligations and an ad campaign and marketing that people only dream of. Right now (as I told my uncle over FB Chat tonight) Life is pretty amazing...

As the holiday weekend passed, I found myself loving the distance from the salon for a minute. I made an appearance at a party on Friday night, a cosmetic event on Sunday (both with my mum as my date) and have been chatting up Nasia.

We're meeting for breakfast tomorrow at Studio J Ry before I tackle the day...

I thought to myself, "6 months ago, I was not this person."

I had no control of my life.

Headlines ran me.

I ran Headlines.

It was a vicious cycle.

Leon was a toxic wasteland.

I was in jeopardy with Nasia.

My clientele was being filtered to others by the owner of HLines...

No, six months later... It evident: I took back my life!

and...

I have a fashion column, have become a predominant public figure on the web and locally, and have achieved a success 4x over what I had at a large salon.

As I took time to slow down and breath this weekend and all November, I thought, "What if I too k a breather from my blog?"

Like, a month?

and just start new in January?

The reason I say that is.... 2011 is the year about building the hype about Joshua Ryan, Inc as a salon, a brand and a personality before I open sometime in 2012.

Right now, I can share with you: I want to live past five issue of PULP, go mass marketing featuring myself even more than I have, work on an at installation for open in Summer 2011 and build my dream with my mum as my co-pilot.

As of 2011, she will assume financial management of Joshua Ryan, Inc and I'll take over creative control to form a brand.

Tomorrow, I just want a good old best friend time with my best friend and to see Jax.

I want this now because next year, I want to hire a part-time assistant, pursue educating for an new brand and basically become Rachel Zoe-Carrie Bradshaw of Pueblo.

On Saturday morning, I received an e-mail from Farouk Systems that my contract with them will be terminated by January 1, 2011... I also have been in talks with a major competitor to possibly start education with them in 2011. I think word got out.

As of now, I have to response except that, I will chase the opportunity that offers me more in terms of recognitio nand exposure.

In 2011, look out! I'm gonna brand myself, I'm gonna travel, I'm gonna maintain my current clientele, submit the book (FINALLY) and create a team..

All of this came to me as I chopped onions for stuffing with my mum. I have been her co-pilot for so long... I think it's time to give back and make her my co-pilot professionally.

So, as I look back at my dad staring at my Thanksgiving plate, I think:

don't look at my plate as have empty because it's about to get full very very quick!

Happy Holidays! Here's to 2011.

Joshua Ryan

4.12 :: A story about vague wierdness and activating my Garbo gene

2010-11-22T00:59:00.000-08:00

Hello my dear lambs,

How are you?

It's about 2am on Monday morning and I'm sitting in my office at Studio J Ry sipping a cup of coffee and contemplating resting and meditating and waking up to do it all over again tomorrow.

Alot of craziness has gone on in terms of people. I have recieved a couple phone calls from Panda, a couple texts and phone calls from Tish and have had some unexpected moments of just wanted to "lay low" for once.

As you may be aware, there has been a constant "wanting" from Panda to contact me lately. I said I never wanted to talk to him again and have ignored phonecalls and texts. Or they've been very plain and vague like, "thank you" and "fine".

Well, my curiosity was shot on Thursday evening as my phone rang close to midnight again... He always used to call me about 11 or 11:30 when we were hanging out heavy... I didn't answer. Instead of it all being over, he left a voice mail...

A part of me said, "Wait til morning."

The anxious part of me said, "check it."

So, like a child waiting for Santa, I snuck outta my office and dialed in to voicemail.

----"Hey Rockstar! It's Leon! Call me."

hmmm....... give in to temptation?

Yep!

So, I called back.

I have to tell you, I wanted so much from the conversation... I wanted to like talking to him again, I wanted to feel the same feelings I felt before... but after all this, I couldn't.

I sat very still and answered very vague, just like my text messages...

"uh huh."

"yeah"

"fine."

"oh yeah. yeah. that's great."

"oh uh huh."

Not me at all.

It clued into me .... I was NEVER myself with him.

Just like this phone call. And as hurt as I was after the fact, is the way I felt for 15 minutes of listening to him boast about himself.

He ended our jilted conversation with, "I'd like to have you over... you're always welcome..."

Really? I thought.

"I want you to meet [my girlfriend]"

REALLY??!?!?!?!?

No Fucking way...

That invite was just plain wierd.

In all my illustrious vocab, all I can tell you is wierd. The feeling, the invite, the phone call, the intent behind the phone call: wierd.

I was hoping for a welcoming feeling inside and all I was left with was showing him and the rest of the Headlines crew how much I do not need them or any contact at all.

That's right . Not at all.

And with that... I shut off my phone and turned out the lights.

Alot like my many absences at local events, I've turned out the lights... it's time to lay low for a minute and come back with blinkers and LEDs...

With winter upon us and the constant harrasment fom the HLines group, I'm ready to go incognito and only have people over...

I'd rather not go out.

In the words of Greta Garbo, "I want to be alone."

xoxo.
Josh

4.11 :: A story about working yourself sick...

2010-11-15T21:41:00.000-08:00

Tick

Tick tick..

tick..

...tick....tick..tick....ck.ck....ck..k--- BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear lambs,

Yes, boom!

I am not talking about my career or income. Those are figured to be booming even in my times of sickness and yes, that is what, indeed, happened.

Sickness last week.

The last couple weeks, I've cancelled appearances, public events, etc and have felt overly dizzy and the sense of nausea and on Thursday night, my world came crashing down when I stopped talking to a client I rushed through to pardon myself in just even time to barf in the backroom of the salon.

Sad face here, please.

I got myself together, tears in my eyes still. Super glazed and pale-faced and told Jules, "I need help Jules..."

She was soooooo sad for me, had no clue what to do, "babe! What's wrong?!"

I went back up and checked out my client completely embarrassed.

She said, "I'm a mom... Josh, take care of yourself... btw, I never would have known you were sick..."

Saddest part: neither did I.

That afternoon, my favourite fashionista and I had gone to lunch and I had been feeling sick and rushed all week, we went and came back and felt like I had no time to talk and rushed her out. As she left, I dismissed myself down the street to studio J Ry and felt my head, dizzy... walking up the stairs and holding on tightly I felt like I may faint...

I got into my living and sweat the coldest sweat ever.

I dazed at the clock, I had 15 minutes til my next guest... I got up, dabbed myself with a tissue and walked back down to the salon.... as the time grew close to cutting, I felt warmer and warmer and dizzier and dizzier...

I walked outside. It was FREEZING outside, but I felt warm still..

My guest was here.

I rushed through this poor woman's haircut and the scene above followed...

After she had left, I rushed out of the salon, not even taking most of my belongings... Jules said she'd clean up and told me she was worried..

I ran up the stairs and threw up all over my bathroom- mortified and in tears, I cleaned everything up and ran a shower... as I stood in the shower, a flood of ungodly you-know-what came out onto the shower floor.

What the hell was happening?

Now, I HAD TO clean the tub.

As I cleaned the tub and finished, I ran a bath...

Everytime I'm sick, I want to lay in the bath in my eyemask and blank out the world...

I got in the tub and felt sick again, another flood of sickness... this time... rather contained...

I lifted my head to hear a banging at my door.

Thinking it may be Jules following me, I ran to my door wrapped with only a towel, it was my landlord!

She was yelling, "JOSH!! THERE'S A HUGE LEAK!!"

I opened the door and played off, "sorry, you caught me in the shower..."

She apologized and told me, "well, I'll let you get something on and want you to come see this..."

I ran in, still nauseated and cleaned up any traces of being sick or clothes on the ground within two minutes.

As I opene the door, still putting a shirt on, she came to my bathroom and asked if I had noticed a leak, "no, I said..."

"I just got home, I've been rather tired and thought I'd run a bath to relax."

She said, "Well, use your other bathroom in the meantime... this may have a leak."

So, I excused her and she said she'd arrange for a plumber to visit Monday.

As she left... I felt sick again...

How was it that I could contain the urge to vomit in front of people?

Not only in front of clients and co-workers, but not general public like my landlord?

The next two days I stayed in and cancelled all appointments, all appearances, all public events...

A wave of love rushed over me from the internet, phone call and cell phone..

I still felt like shit.

As my mum came over both Friday and Saturday night, we ordered movies on demand and talked. She brought me Vitamin Water and animal crackers and talked to me...

"Do you have the flu?"

-Maybe, I said.

"or do you think your body's telling you something?"

-oh, god, mom!! f--k no!, I replied.

"Josh... maybe it's time to breathe again... you'll always be popular. You'll always be busy. Stop worrying yourself sick."

As Sunday morning came and I felt better... I had no desire for food or coffee, but more so for a cocktail with my mum and, lambs, that's exactly what I did..

I took no phone calls, no texts, not an e-mail, no Facebook -- here's my thing -- cocktails three days later????

Was I sick with a flu or have I worked myself sick????

Whatever you or I come to as our conclusions, one thing I know is mama's save the day... and maybe, just maybe, mama DOES know best.

xoxo.

Josh

4.10 :: A story about the best solo act..

2010-11-08T07:17:00.000-08:00

Good morning lambs,

It's a Monday morning and I'm sitting on my red couch at Studio J Ry sipping a cup of coffee. I'm contemplating getting ready...

So, I'm trying to think of what's new in the world of Josh and well, I think that overall, the newest greatest thing is the column and finding time for myself. I'm currently finishing the specs on a new column for my next PULP contribution (can't tell you what it's about) and examining a reciept showcasing all the holiday client gifts I purchased yesterday.

Yesterday, there was a huge sale at my distributor in honour of the honing holiday season... I went in saying, "I don't think I need anything" and came back out with well, alot.

I mostly focused on client gifts. Moreso for the fact that I totally adore my clients. Honestly, they've been there for me more this year than any other year. They never let me sink! They proved everyone wrong and I have them to thank for my increasing pre-books and record-breaking sales. They've allowed me to move up and out into a new studio, make bigger investments, and eventually will probably pay for my salon.

The salon talks are getting more and more serious and my mum and I talk about what costs what, what location is best and what the absolute timeline is like for opening. I'm still on a 2012 opening date in my head, my my says "That's soon, you know that, right?"

And yes, I do know that...

I guess overall, with all of these amazing things in mind, I have also counteracted alot of my public appearances with alot of personal time when it comes to staying in at night and taking time to have one-on-ones with my mum.

I had a series of events to attend last week and is it fair enough to say that I cancelled at least two of them? I have just hit a point where I have overcommitted my time and want nothing more, but to lay on the couch and watch tv or Facebook. I don't ever want to lose grasp of who I am..

Last week, I also re-united with my Nasia for an event and it felt just like old-times... except that my old times turned into a different energy at the end. Instead of hanging around and talking... I came home, changed and met friends for dinner. My very pregnant friend and I have hit a "comfort" level in our relationsip: we don't have to constantly be around each other ot know that we're in sync. We established that years ago and as much as I miss seeing her daily, I see how important her kids and family are to her and as the months have gone by and the Headlines drama has drummed down a few notches, I notice that my mum and friends and clientele mean the most to me.

I always talk about operating without a best friend and maybe, just maybe, lambs, that's where I need to be: a solo act that makes appearances or chooses to seclude myself in the Madonna style of recent years. Maybe I'll ony come out to play when I choose and when I do, I'll still be the best, the latest greatest, an icon...

Yeah, icon.

That's the best solo act.

xoxo.

Josh

4.09: A story about my documentary ...

2010-11-03T23:20:00.001-07:00

Good morning lambs!

It's a little past midnight on a Thursday and I'm sipping coconut water and watching a documentary on Spain. Lately, my television has been tuned to documentaries. If not about Andy Warhol and his factory people, then about Spain or gospel singer Mahalia Jackson. Yes, all of those subjects certainly thrill me.

A part of me wonders what a documentary about me would look like. What would people think of me? Would would the director try to convey? Do I have a message? Do I live passionately enough to be cinematic? I think I do.

I think that's why I strive for a reality series and this "ultimate" lifestyle. My life has always been made public by mostly me and the "buzz" being heard between conversation with myself and others and the buzz generated by yours truly through the use of blogging, twittering, writing, making public appearances, etc.

On Monday, my first column for PULP Magazine came out. The name of the column- "Haute Mess" debuted and it was a very humble shock for me. I actually didn't know the column would be out that day, I was told by a client that works at the coffeeshop next door. She told me, "I loved it!"

I was so happy to hear that people were reading it and as I prepare my essays for the next few, I am only more excited to see what PULP will print next.

Besides PULP, tomorrow I have a benefit fashion show that I'm styling with the-one-and-only Nasia. I can't tell you the warmth I feel on the inside knowing I'm going to work with my favourite girl once again. Tonight, I spoke to her on the phone and let her know that I hired an assistant for her and me to share. She was like, "Wow... you rock. How is it that you were able to arrange that?"

I quickly replied, "I'm an excellent networker."

Do you think if I had a documentary, I would show people how to network? Does networking make me look sincere or spread too thin like I'm looking for a perk? I hope it looks sincere. I hope you all find me sincer.

In the documentary of my life: I want to be known as passionte. Passionate about my life, the cuases I support, the art and relationships I create and sustain and overall, for being public, but for also being likeable.

Tomorrow, I want to be known as likeable, not a diva, and not public, just Josh working with my Nasia like the day and mentoring Jennie, the assistant and hoping for the perfect storyline to the continuing documentary of my life.

Hearts lambs! and thank you for "Watching" me all this time.

and thank you to those watching "over" me as if they were my guardian angels.

xoxo.

Josh

4.08 :: A story about having it all and snagging on one..

2010-10-31T21:29:00.000-07:00

Hey lambs,

It's Josh here. Sitting at my desk in Studio J Ry sipping the rest of my Crown and Coke and thinking of things to continue writing about...

Well, this week was quite active in terms of people and friends, etc.

After my drunk texts from Leon this week, I sat baffled and the next evening had dinner with my good friend and fellow-stylist Brandis. Brandis is gorgeous! She's young, enthusiastic and passionate. She has this very pin-up style and Ruby Red hair that makes you ask "What did you use to get that?"

She's just amazing.

We talked about me, our salons, our love of hair, and many other random topics. One random topic happened to be Panda (Leon). As I filled her in on the history of Panda and I (please see Volumes 1-3), she sipped her drink and said with squinted eyes, "I really do not like this dude! I want to meet him just to get a view of this guy."

She's uber-sweet, so hearing the distain in her voice let me know I was in the right when allowing people the view into the naked window of my heart when it comes to matter of my, well, heart.

After parting ways, we decided to do it again and I found out at the end of the evening, I once again, had another person to add to my itinerary of regular eats and drinks...

My Friday was filled with an afternoon make-up shopping with ultra-hot friend, Andrew. Andrew and I talked about attitudes, etc and nervousness.

Lately, I've hit a new wall: a wall of nervousness when it come to doing his hair. WTF? Serious? I am so super intimidated by him that it affects my performance. In full discord with myself, we had to bring the subject up over a burger while I murderd three cocktails.

After our sworn peace-to-be at his next hair cut, I went to volunteer at an event for a non-profit organization slightly buzzed... the event, unfortunately, was not a money maker... I felt bad, but felt like the donation of my time was enough.

As the night grew darker, my favourite fashionista, Michelle and I met up and we had drinks to celebrate the birthday of my favourite twins, Anita and Annette and 3Below. After reliving my reggaeton roots and chatting up the place, we ran off and I crashed. Saturday was greeted to much dehydration from my crown/gin/whatever cocktail usage the night before and full book.

This morning, sleeping in felt good and as seeing that I do not celebrate Halloween (I know that burns a few my lambs arses), I felt that an evening with my mum after the full roster of my Brandis, Andrew, Michelle and numerous others this week, My mum would be the one to mellow me out.

As she text me that she was less that five minutes away, another text rang in, from guess who?

That's right!

Panda.

"Are you in town?" he asked.

"I'm with company" I replied.

"I wanted to know if you'd like to have a drink with me before my gf (girlfriend) gets back"

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS??!?!?! He has a girlfriend?!?!?!

Serious?

Why would anyone text me that?

It always plays over and over again in my head that Panda never made me a priority, just an option.

And again, here I am being presented as the option. I replied, "No, I'm sorry, my friend. Have a safe night. Maybe some other time."

And then, I just shut my phone off.

As I thought over and over again, it brainfucked me... why is with a girl now? He told me forever that women were not his thing, and being known to have a bi-bone in my body in terms of women, people always labled me as "Gross" or "Double-dipping."

Could it be? Is he straight now?

And secondly, do you know how sad it feels to know that I was never good enough for a boyfriend and he's now with a women?!

That's a confidence buster!

Part of me wants to know why he's texting me recently outta nowhere and part of me wants to just sit down with him and be nosey and ask questions, but the biggest part of me is sad still and wants to tear up thinking about all the wrong he did.

So, here's the part I have to ask?

How should I have reacted?

In a world full of success, wealth and friends, why does this one keep snagging at the afghan of my heart muscle?

xoxo.

Josh

4.07 :: A story about keeping it "hush-hush"

2010-10-26T22:20:00.000-07:00

Oh Lambs,

Where do I start?

I'm super tardy writing this blog tonight, but I have a promise that I will write again tomorrow, yes, yes, I mean it.

So, so much has happend in my life thus far that it gets harder and harder to conjure up exactly where to start! It's almost midnight and I'm sitting at Studio J Ry after a long conversation with my mum.

We've been talking alot lately about me possibly starting the plans on my own (yes, very own) studio.

The subject has been brought up more time than I can count within the last two weeks by more individuals...and then of them were me!

It's crazy to believe people have the confidence in me and I doubt myself as much as I do. The concept is something very hush-hush and very Josh. At the same time, keeping something hush-hush is hard for me... and very not-Josh.

I can tell you, however, that I do have alot of creative projects on the buffet line of my life. I have recently contacted an art gallery to start work on a possible art installation in Summer 2011. As I stay hush-hush about the theme, all I can tell you is that, I want to bring the masses the art of hair, the surrealism and the inspiration and the avante-garde side of what I do.

I think this will be the best way to flex my creative muscle. I've flexed my marketing muscle, my writing muscle with the book and the column. The books is almost done with editing. I've flexed by fashion muscle with the new column out next month and the possible re-creation of Shampoo Boy with Lastleaf Designs.

My next goal is to take my art side and express it by entering the NAHAs (North American Hairstyling Awards) and presenting an art installation. The working title of the art installation is "Flawless". Although, let's keep that hush-hush.

I recently had someone express they're wanting to become a personal fixture in my life and as I went out for an evening of cocktails and abandoned singlehood, I simply said, "this is hush-hush".

And that's when I realized, I do not want anyone.

I do not want an individual in my life to love at this point. My love is my art, is my career, is my life.

Right now, the studio, the salon, the creative projects and my clients ARE my significant other.

As I told my mum of the cool things I have in mind and the possible creation of a salon for open in 2012, I hung up and was greeted by a text message from Panda (Leon).

Yep, Panda.

The message said, "I hope you're well."

I replied, "thank you."

Minutes went by.

Another text rang in, he gave me an explanation of why he wanted to talk to me and asked where I was at. I said, at my house.

He said, "Where?"

I said, "downtown"

He said, "come over and have a glass of wine with me"

What do you think my reply was?

..................."I am flattered, my friend, but no, not tonight. I will always have a space in my heart for you. I had a genuine deep love for you and I don't know what went wrong. In fact, it was a brainfuck to me, in all honesty. I was obsessed and foolish. I'm sorry, but not tonight."

He never replied.

Well, maybe he did, but for now, all I can tell you is that we need to keep that hush-hush..

xoxo.
Josh

PS: come back tomorrow for more.

4.06 :: A story about being "green"

2010-10-18T13:42:00.000-07:00

Hi lambs,

How are you? It's a chilly Monday afternoon and I'm wearing a black, long-sleeve henly and typing with chipped-black lacquered nails.

Not only am I lacking a proper manicure, I'm also lacking groceries. Grocery shopping is the minor to-do on my long to-do list of returning phone calls, booking appointments, etc... running errands and sleeping.

Yesterday, I was out of town at an amazing Toni & Guy/TIGI Advanced class, I absolutely adored it! The educator was a 2x NAHA Winning artist. NAHA, for your information, stands for the North American Hairstylist Awards. That is THE OSCAR of our industry and she won two years in a row for Editorial stylist of the year and fashion forward stylist of the year.

Meeting her gave me hope that I was on the right path and that NAHA is super attainable. I've dreamt of winning one and giving it to mum for years!

Yes, you read that right, giving it to my mum. It was my mum who sent me to beauty school when she realized I would not be happy being a graphic designer and being "assigned" jobs to be artistic. She knew that I would have to work into my success and learn how to call the shots.

This afternoon, I just got back from a meeting with my editor from PULP Magazine. My first piece is completed and will be published in the next issue of PULP. My second ad campaign will also launch in the next couple days and let me tell you, the need for an assistant is growing!!

I was recently asked at an event Friday evening who I was dating and the reply was, "no one, of course"

When asked if I'd ever, I had to tell the interested party, "it's okay to get to know me and want ot hang out, but keep in mind, my career is my #1 priority. It's okay to be interested in me, but my time with my clients, my family and my business in-salon and extra projects will always come first."

As I looked at this sentence over text and replayed it in my mind all night, I realized as soon as I grow and grow and grow, there will be a time when I need to hire a staff to manage me. When a "Salon" happens. .. that will happen.

I remember being told when I left Headlines that I'd have no clients, no success and that I was "green"- Green meaning young and unexperienced.

When Veronica, with her 2 NAHAs told us yesterday "Green" was good.

"Green means you have room to grow. Ripe means you have room to rot."

That made me smile and I realized that this educator and accomplished artist KNEW what she was talking about...

"Ripe mean you room to rot.."

Yep-- sounds like some pros I know.

In the past, I have been called "bitchy, diva, unforgiving, perfectionist, over-the-top, dillusional, rude, blunt..." and let me tell you-- Veronica showed me her humblesness and speaking with her and receiving praise from her made me realize: I'm just fine.

I'm on the right path, just as I've known... and all haters are rotting... I never stopped growing. When you start to rot, you tend to judge harsher "Greener" plants in the industry or in your life.

It's time to pull some weeds...

xoxo.

Josh

PS: I need winter clothes... lol... random thought.

4.05 :: A story about couture living and being "fashionable" without trend.

2010-10-14T05:59:00.001-07:00

Good morning lambs,

It's a Thursday morning at Studio J Ry and I'm finishing up an ellaborate breakfast, coffee and mint-infused water with lime. If you've ever noticed in the history of the blog, I tend to share with you within the first few sentences what I'm sipping or noshing on.

Food is so incredibly important to me. I am the son of a Spanish trained-chef, so cusine is TOP for me (after HAIR) obviously.

Today is, for once, a day off for me away from the salon. I had a numerous amount of clients tell me, "what is your idea of a day off?"

Well, this sounds funny, but on my days off, I get up early, and prepare an ellaborate breakfast. I often joke that I do not cook at all, that is completely false! I hold my own very f--king well in the kitchen, thank you very much. LOL!

One thing you'll never find in my kitchen is milk and you'll never really find alot of meat. I'm kosher, so Pork is off limits completely, along with shellfish. I order pizza and that becomes maybe the only exception! (ha ha)

My diet is not so I have this amazingly fit body, I couldn't give a shit about trying to look like a model! I'm 5'3''. It's NOT gonna happen. I'm a short Irish-Spanish kid that does hair and wears more eyeliner than most girls in this city, but one thing I can tell you is that I'm super super genuine.

I say what I feel and mean what I say. So my feelings and integrity are in every single sentence spoken and written.

My latest project is finishing up Studio J Ry. I have let a few VIPs tour it. It's a small tour, but a tour, none-the-less. I will have pictures and open house very very soon! One thing I'm working on today on my day away from the salon is my samples for PULP. We'll see how that goes. I really believe that this pairing WILL happen.

My main focuse of the colum is going to be fashion, trends and social life. Three things I can tell you I'm all about. Now, part 2 of that is that I NEED TO STEP UP MY GAME!! I boast about fashion and wear the same uniform: Diesel jeans and black American Apparel or Armani tee. I normally have tons of accessories and ellaborate belt buckles and shoes...

So, it's time to get out of the box a bit.

Time to study up and flex my fashion muscle.

I don't think fashion is all about couture or what you're wearing. I think fashion is a lifestyle. I think somone can live very fashionably. I think breakfast is fashionable. If you have a good breakfast and find it therapeutic to cook like my mum or I, then it sets you off on a good note. You have an appreciation for this amazing culinary delight you just created. Frying an egg is very basic, but placing it on a bed of dijon, spinach and turkey bacon on a crustini makes it very couture for food... that to me, is very fashionable- that is haute couture in the kitchen.

I think a stylist can do any haircut, but a flick of the comb or the way the hold their shears can turn them into an expert. It's a lifestyle this "living fashionable" thing. I think I live very fashionable. I think my friends and clients live very runway lives.

They are powerful and control the scene!

It doesn not mean you are trendy, by any means!! Chanel wore the same black dress, black pump or Chanel suit. She took off one accessory on the way out the door- that methodically made her fashionable. Karl Lagerfield wears the same recipe or "formula" if you will when dressing in a tight S&M Style suit with cinched necktied and gawdy necklace- that makes him "fashionable."

Last example, I promise, is Tom Ford. he wears the same amazing Zegna or Gucci suit and has a filthy mind. No one ever calls him on it... that makes HIM "fashionable" because he made it his own.

I made Diesel, Alexander McQueen and American Apparel "fashionable" for me.

So, my words to you are to live fashionably, not on trend. Whatever makes you "fashionable" makes YOU stand out. So, don't worry about others. Remember, it's a Lifestyle, not a "look"

Heart and much love... ps: eat breakfast, it makes a world of difference!
xoxo.
J Ry

4.04 :: A story about changing the filters and possibly piecing the broken glass together..

2010-10-11T20:27:00.000-07:00

Good evening lambs,

I'm sitting here in some amazing Diesel jeans and vintage boxing shirt sipping an Iced Coffee thinking of a subject to write about for my yet-to-be-authored sample column for PULP Magazine.

As the weeks have gone on, I find myself always sooo busy and scrambling for time . But it's only about 10pm and my best writing comes at midnight. The theme will come soon, I can feel it.

So, on a recent outing with my mum to complete buying furniture for Studio J Ry, the subject of Leon was brought up and if I'd heard from him. The answer is no. The long version is this is, "no, I haven't and I don't care to hear from him ever again."

You may quote me.

"ever again.."

In these past few weeks of decorating and collaborating with mostly myself, I've found that the Josh-filter keeps catching alot of characteristics that prevent most people in my grasp from attaining the holy title of "best friend".

There really isn't a more perfect candidate than my mum or Nasia and I in our prime, so, the filtering system in place is set to VERY HIGH.

One thing about operating with absolutely no best friend in my life is that my trust in most people is gone. Yep, gone. The moments when someone can prove themselves to me are often missed by a mere few points and the fact hat I weigh a person's character so heavy make me such a Libra and less a Virgo.

So, recently brought to my attention, I heard that I may be known within the gay community as a "bitch". I'm (as I've heard) picky, egotistical, don't give people a fair chance, and no one is ever good enouhgh- that sounds accurate.

In the business world, I am a "marketing genius". -- again, pretty accurate.

In the beauty industry, "a greater talent than even I know..." not sure what to say about that.

One thing I could always depend on when I had Nasia around was that she would keep me grounded. As I text her back and forth now, I find my closeness is not as close as it once was. I can feel the wall being put up from her and as she's stated that her pregnancy has taken alot of her energy and I understand, I am left with an absence of words.

I'm truly happy that she has her kids and her husband and her career and love that her clients adore her, but I miss my time with her. I miss my best friend.

My creative collaborator is gone. Janelle has taken on the role as my business collaborator. Jules my drinking collaborator. Michelle fills my fashionista void. Andrew my venting collaborator and the realist of all my friends that reminds me of my humanity and my mum is still my mentor and manager of Joshua Ryan, Inc.

But my best friend position is yet to be filled. In my pursuit of filling this void, I'm left to ask the following:

Do I keep searching in a world of people not-so-perfect for the job OR

Do I ask for Nasia to come back?

Feedback is appreciated

xoxo.

Josh

PS: I'll leak my PULP submittion soon... Stay tuned.

4.03 :: A story about being blessed and having it all ..

2010-10-06T23:52:00.000-07:00

Hi lambies,

It's Josh Cooley typing from my balcony at Studio J Ry.

Oh my goodness... what to write about..

Honestly, life is beautiful.

I wake up every single morning about 3:30 or 4 and see the ceiling and the decor and space and think to myself, "I REALLY live here?"

Studio J Ry is amazing. I'm still decorating and hoping to have it COMPLETE by the end of the month. I'm in the market for a large canvas over the red couch and a bed, yes, a bed.

I STILL have not bought a bed for Studio J Ry. My bed room is not existent. I defenitely have not had the time, first and foremost, but now is time to make it happen...

This evening, I have a promotional event going on in support of Breast Cancer Awareness. I convinced my entire team to join me in promoting the salon and rocking out some complimentary services and introducing brand new spanking products we have not yet unleashed to our Rockstar clientele.

In a couple weeks, I'll be heading back to Toni and Guy Academy and rocking it out again for the second time doing advanced technical training. That's exciting. I have a benefit fashion show lined up for November and hopefully some holiday time away. Not sure yet.

My life has been go go go and right now I need rest rest rest.

Promoting myself, promoting the salon, the website, the re-emmergence of the Shampoo Boy line, possible deals with Last Leaf Designs, PULP Magazine and my manuscript seem like a lot, but it's all in a days work.

And to boot: I have a girl that wants to apprentice me...

Man!

Joshua Ryan, Inc is certainly taking off.

Today, I had a partial interview with L'Oreal and a full book. It was LITERALLY THE BIGGEST business day I've EVER had...

I wake up at 4 am, not only to lay in belief that I've made it to Studio J Ry and Joshua Ryan, Inc, but to thank my Creator for the opportunity to share.

To share talent, kindess, intergrity and all my world with you... my guests... my lambs.

And as I talk about resting, it gets difficult because I think of all the projects and fun things I want to show you.

That makes me so grateful that you want to play show and tell and that keeps me up at 4 am and 2 am and 12 am. Writing a blog at midnight, dozing to sleep at 2 and chatting online with you til then, and waking up at 4 am and thanking G-d that I have had this blessed opportunity.

Thank you for allowing me to get to this point.

Without you I wouldn't have any of it.

And right now, I feel like I have it all.
xoxo.
Josh

4.02 :: A story about professional recognition and personal judgments.

2010-10-03T23:58:00.000-07:00

Hi lambs and doll faces,

It's Joshy here at midnight typing typing typing and sipping sipping sipping a cup of half-warm, half-cool coffee. I just returned a few hours ago from a hairshow and I'm still unpacking. Yes, still.

Lots of cool stuff in the works, I can't even begin to start thinking about it. Professionel stuff mostly. My persona life is actually not as dramatic as you may think, it's mostly (how should I say this) eventful.

I spent alot of time at functions and paying bills this week. Truly. For example, if Rachel Zoe had an alter-ego, it would be me and my only goal at this point is to become just like her in my chosen field. So many people have brought up the topic of "moving" to me. I have no desire.

I'd much rather travel back and forth. And I'm sticking to that concept. I've done the hairshow thing back and forth to L.A., avoiding trips to heated NYC and back and forth to locales likes Houston, Chicago and Denver. And for me, that's all fun. Honestly, fun is the word.

I had a massive time at the PULP awards this weekend and re-ignited my love affair with Twitter! My Blackberry is the closest thing in contact with me daily. I'm surprised I haven't caught a cold from my own phone!

I literally attempted to tweet the entire awards show! It was tough because five cocktails later, I was gone. No more Josh. On a good note, the crowd loved me. In terms of popularity, my stock has risen! In terms of personal popularity, it's going down within my social group of friends. With two friends both leaving me and me and Jules bolting her boyfriend and his mates at stop #2 of our five bar appearances that night, I had a mad amount of messages, texts, blogs, twitters about me both good and bad. And honestly, most of them were good and welcoming from the public! On the bad side, I had a one gnarly review from a friend of mine. He has claimed that he wants to start blogging me in search of understanding me and descaling the essence of Josh.

In my orgy of twitters and twit-pics on Thursday night, a friend of mine made an appearance at the PULP Awards all the way from Denver. I greeted him, took a pic and as the night went on and we played catch-up, I told him, "didn't you read the blog?!?" at some point and he replied, "I don't read about you."

"I'll form my own opinions of you, Josh." he told me.

I was offended.

It just felt appropriate for my ego to deflate in offense in response to his ignorance of my narsicism. (I liked that sentence, just now)

As the night goes on, he seemed detached and critical and full of animosity. I told him this, he claims I rubbed myself all over him and made an arse of myself. In terms of foddling anyone, I don't agree. In terms of making of arse of myself, I think most people were complimenting me and still are.

The following night, he text and chatted with me online and made me very aware that he was offended by my actions and also told me that in the case of EVER having a relationship with me, he would "never give [me] a chance." and that he would also "never hook-up with [me]"

So, if you can see, my professional life in terms of Josh Cooley: the personality is amazing. In terms of personal life and Josh Cooley: the person, it's very mixed.

My friends are consistency critical of me and when I greet or exit them with an air kiss, real kiss and hug and they are, in fact, offended, it's rude to me. It's stupid. I feel like a friend should understand that drunk/fun Josh is having fun and that EVERYONE in a social setting should understand alcohol and people and their actions are totally forgivable. We all want to have a good time and hurting someone's feeling while under the influence is just dumb. It's never on purpose I've found and it's one person being judgemental normally.

As I went to this weekend's hair show, I found myself on the other side of the table. I had a sales rep that became a bit boistrous with me in the hotel's bar and I told her to chill out. The next morning, she came to me and apologized. I told her, "What for?"

She said, "for last night, I'm sorry."

I told her, "when people are in a social setting and alcohol is involved, I never hold it against them. You'd know if I was upset with you."

I feel like my friend at the awards should have said the same. Instead he held it all against me and brought my dirt out in a converstion online. What a time for dirt!

As my sales rep continued talking, I looked at her and walked away and told her, "really, it's okay. I'll see you next week."

And really, for me, it was okay.

That's how I knew in my heart, as a person being judged by another, I am not like him. I am not a person judging her for her alcohol-induced actions, it's not fair to her. Just like it wasn't fair for him to make that comment to me repeatedly.

As a professional, I love my crowd, as a person, sometimes I fucking hate it.

For me, the professional side of things is funner than the personal side of things and having to repeatedly defend and explain myself.

xoxo.

Josh

PS: the picture above is of me and Jules at the PULP Awards. Follow me on Twitter for additional adventures and more Pretty Boy news at www.twitter.com/prettyboyedu

4.01 :: A story about Volume 4, collaborating and re-uniting.

2010-09-30T13:10:00.001-07:00

Hey lambs,

It's Josh Cooley typing from my office in Studio J Ry located in Downtown SoCo.

I wanted to save the first blog entry of Volume 4 for the day of the P.U.L.P. People's Choice Awards because I knew things were going to be exciting today. And they have been!

This morning greeted me with a new client as I rushed down to the salon, met her and created another short pixie, super-textured masterpiece. I'm all about it. Truly. I closed up shop and came back to Studio J Ry for breakfast and to wait for the Direct TV guys. Seeing as I had another engagement at 12:30, I called as time went on they said they would be able to be at my place by noon. Well, that wasn't going to work and after a seemingly long hold and an annoyed assistant on the phone later, I re-booked and off to meet Andrew I went.

Andrew and I spent a few minutes at my aesthetician's office discussing some services he's seeking out. I referred Dana highly to Andrew, not only for the mere fact that she's a master at what she does, but for the fact that Dana is a huge support network for me. As a fellow beauty pro in this industry, I consult with her at times. She's the one that gave me the boost to leave my last studio and told me, "good things will come." And the one that told me to initiate a no-show fee and cancelation policy due to my growing demand. She has been a personal and professional role model for me and I felt like it would be the perfect pairing for her to meet Andrew.

As the day went by, I came back to Studio J Ry and decided to pull a few items to pair with my ward-robe for tonight's appearance. Julie and I stayed late last night and coloured our hair and discussed wardrobe. Jules was actually paired with me as my co-presenter at tonight's awards ceremony and I am beyond elated that she's coming with me!

In about an hour, I'm gonna be getting her ready and doing her hair and make-up for tonight after I jump in the shower shortly after this blog.

After I ran downstairs to check on my designs from Last Leaf and a few rambling moments with Mo, the designer, I ran out and heard from behind me, "Josh! Josh!"

I turned around all squinty and looked and low-and-behold, it was my Nasia.

"Holy shit!" I thought. My favourite person has re-appeared.

I saw her and instantly wanted to well-up and cry, but instead, hugged her tightly and made the effort to let my true emotions show. She told me she was picking up some lunch and didn't expect to see me.

I was soooo happy to see her.

Words can't even be expressed in this blog how much I've missed her company.

I gave her a tour of Studio J Ry and the salon and walked her back to her car. As I got ready to hug her and say bye, she told me, "you're all grown up, all downtown, Carrie Bradshaw, NY, LA Josh. That's who I've always loved inside of you and now it shows!"

I told her jokingly, "so am I off probation? Can I come out of detention now?"

She smirked, giggled lightly and told me sincerely, "yes... you're off probation."

As much as I've had tension with her, I've also had alot of invested interest in Nasia's career and she in mine and it's good to have her back... even in this light-hearted moment.

Today as I was waiting while Andrew met with Dana, I was talking to a member of the P.U.L.P. staff and discussed possibly writing for P.U.L.P. -- that would be a delicious pairing, I think and as tonight comes and the ceremony brings unexpected moments of fun and randomness, I hope that in a short amount of time, I'll be announcing my collaboration with a local magazine, my re-united friendship with Nasia and my growing relationships with Andrew and Julie.

Here's to Volume 4 and lots of Pretty Boy action...

xoxo.

Josh

3.13 :: A story about Josh Cooley

2010-09-27T00:18:00.000-07:00

Dear lambs,

My name is Joshua Ryan Cooley and this is my blog. You may know me under commonly used d/b/a or publicly known as "Josh Cooley". My alias online ranges from Rockstar Stylist to The Original Pretty Boy to the recently discovered J Ry. All in all, it's me and I'm happy you're reading my blog.

As I end my third volume of "Pretty Boy Education" and look back at the blog's inception and it's progress, I notice so many transitions and tie-ins and so much randomness or the undertone of hurt, love, and a boy finding his true self and all I can tell you is that (with huge tears in my eyes as I type this) : I found Josh.

Josh is here typing weekly, sometimes twice about his life and you click on a link, read it and send and sometimes don't send feedback.

My blog has made people angry, inspired, divorce me, break-up with me, caused me to quit, caused me to hire, caused me to fire and motivated me.

It has opened my eyes.

It has opened your eyes and allowed you into a very intimate world known as the world of Josh Cooley, celebrity wannabe/local personality, stylist extraordinaire/cosmetologist and business man from Southern Colorado.

Today, I spent a huge amount of time with my mum at Studio J Ry and as she left around 10 pm, I layed on the couch, took a breath and thanked God for her. And you. And me.

I got up, walked to my balcony and watched her and my dad turn the corner and walk away. I cried and admittidly said, "you made it, Joshua."

So much of my life has been about getting to this point. And as I re-read volumes 1 and 2. I look at the writer/artist in 1.01 writing the blog, "A story about my panda" and wonder, "what did I see?"

I saw the good in him.

I saw the good in me.

Months later, we all saw the demolition outloud, public and weekly.

Reading, sometimes people e-mailing me after a post, "is everything alright?"

Me divulging, "I just don't get it, but it's fine . Truly."

And truly, it was.

All through the break-up of Headlines, the drama of Leon, the absence of Nasia and the friends that come in and out, there's one constant: me.

And I'm here to tell you: I'm not going anywhere.

And also, that you are the most important thing you have.

As I sit in my office downtown and type this perplexed by my frozen Blackberry, I promise each of you there's more to come.

So much more!!!

And that is what makes me soooo excited.

In the finding of this "Josh" typing now, I think that all the projects on my agenda forward are pure and full of life, passion and love.

And for you all that follow it and support me in business and life, I dedicate this blog to you.

I love you.

Thank you for allowing me to find and present the "Josh" you know now.

Let's get on to Volume 4 and see what comes of this new found internet/publicly locally known celebrity named, Josh Cooley.

hearts shavua tov
josh cooley.

3.12 :: A Story about a downtown kid and his culture

2010-09-24T12:30:00.000-07:00

Hey lambs and hunny bunnies,

I'm so sorry it's been almost a week since my last blog.

I'm sitting here at 3Below enjoying some lunch a cocktail mid-day. Today is the first day of the Mirasol Chile & Frijole Festival in Pueblo and I'm adoring the teamwork and comradary in the middle of the street setting up booths, tents, etc.

For me, downtown is a way of life, not a an area of town..

Someone who is a downtown kid (any downtown around the world mind you) whether you're in SoHo (London) or Chelsea (NY) or in SoCo, is someone that moves with the ebb and flow of that particular communities business, entrepeneurs, underdogs and sticks by them 100%. Generally, you find independent boutiques, coffee houses, bars and awkward hippie-esque abodes. The people are very "underground cool." Lots of odes to grunge, bohemia, and the punk scene. It's very coffeehouse.

The fashionable are generally cutting edge or classic with a little edge.

People don't eat at normal times, they come and go as they please, they move in about seven different social circles, their "Day job" is part of their passions (ie artist, graphic designer, barista, hairstylist) and they greet everyone as "brother, dude, sister, man"... no one has a social status.

At the end of the day we are all the poorest rich people in the world and the richest poor people. We have it all, because we work hard, but have no health insurance and rent lofts and right checks and pray the money will be there. We make large in investments and online orders with confidence and stay in a quote-unquote "budget", but there really is not one established, we eat lunch at a new place everyday and when someone joins are downtown crowd, we take them under our wing and watch them blossom and watch them run their block in their own way.

In other words, downtown is WHERE THE COMMUNITY IS AT!

So, tell me, are you a downtown kid at heart?

I am and I live it everyday!

See you downtown.

-j ry.

3.11 :: A story about sifting out the irrevalant..

2010-09-16T02:43:00.000-07:00

Good morning lambs,

It's about 3:45 am. Yep, 3:45. I'm on the mission to pack up my closet for transport to Studio J Ry and my office for transport as well. Two tasks that I am not looking forward to.

My clothes are going to be sifted out greatly! I'm talking lots of donations!

My paperwork is going to have to be boxed up and inventoried... I'm actually kind of annoyed by this great task. My furniture arrives today and I'm excited for that and then I'm off to buy a bed, coffeetable, side tables, etc.

Oh! And groceries..

Ugh, so much to do!

I just got done responding to an e-mail regarding my winter campaign and things are going incredibly smooth on the promotional end of my world. I'm excited, actually. I see so many changes in front me. A new studio, taking full-control of my business and taking full responsibility for where I am in life at THIS very moment and it's all very humbling at times.

Tonight, I had dinner with my good friend and fellow stylist Jules and she told me, "out of all my friends, I get the most pissed at my myself and admire you when I'm around you. It's very different feeling for me inside."

I told her, "why!" all confused as I slammed down my Caprese salad and cocktail.

She replied, "because you just have all your shit together!"

No I don't, I thought.

I still think that at times.

From an outsider's point of view, yeah, probably.

From the insiders's point of view, yeah, kinda.

From me: yes and no.

There are so many things I have worked myself up over and so many unnecessary dramas that I don't allow to overtake me.

It's simply not worth the stress. Leaving Headlines taught me how to take fear, give it a smack on the arse and say, "f--k you, bitch! I can do this!"

I literally find myself so confident to the point that I can say, "I run this!"

When I get home or behind a laptop or one-on-one with a friend, I will always tell them, "naw... It's not so bad. I love what I do. I love my life and give thanks everyday for the opportunity."

Those words keep me grounded and it's those words that have been my mantra all summer since venturing out on my own.

Studio J Ry is another expendature of that. I want to live passionately as much as I work and create passionately.

As I sift throught skater tees and old Guess jeans and old files and bills paid and pack them up, I just think to myself, "how much of this old shit do I REALLY need to take along with me?"

The decision to minimalize my life was very quick and very clear... whatever is not relavant today for me, is probably not relavant tomorrow or the next day or later.

So, out with the old and in with the newly found, officially independent Josh Cooley aka J Ry.

Hearts,

Joshy

PS: Yes, Studio J Ry will be open house soon... Sometime in early November for the viewing! ; )

3.10 :: A story about creating Studio J Ry and turning to Rachel for guidance..

2010-09-14T22:41:00.000-07:00

Hey lambies!!

It's almost midnight and I'm munching on chicken nuggets and sipping Rum and Orange Crush soda. .. oh and watching my mentor, Rachel Zoe. Right now, she's making a Passover dinner and she's not, you know, really MAKING anything.

I'm watching her and staring and watching her husband complain about how busy she is and think to myself, "do people say that about me?"

I'm pretty sure I know the answer to that question.

So, last week, I officially started moving into my new apartment, Studio J Ry, downtown. It is taking WAY longer than I thought it would... I decided to buy everything brand new... all the way from the living room to the bedroom to the office. My patio is amazingly huge for an apartment and I'm super excited to see the overall personality of my dwelling when it's complete. Building the personality of this space is so different for me because it's not like Casa de Cooley, my parent's estate or Panda's loft (which he copied theme-wise.)

I'm noticing my little eclectic vibe is taking a mellow turn. I seriously just want to be able to come home, lay on my red designer sofa and if I fall asleep, I simply, fall asleep. No more back and forth to my parent's house or wondering if me and Leon are going to fight over not going out for cocktails or not eating starches..

I think the coolest part of this is solidifying my idenity, all the way down to who I am at home. Not who I want to be perceived as, but what I actually look like in a home situation.

Week after week, I watch Rachel Zoe in her home and see so much of her personality in her taste and furniture choices: the minimalism, the use of white, the accessories.. and think to myself, "I want to be just like that."

In many ways I am.

Recently, I was asked to be a presenter at and upcoming local event and am uber-excited along with the hairshow coming up later that weekend and then our first ever promotional event days after.

As I watch Rachel and parrallel my life, I see alot of commonalities. She's busy and excited over fashion the way I'm excited about the hair industry. With e-mails from Farouk Systems waiting ot be responded to in my inbox and a job offer from L'Oreal *yes, for real* I'm finding myself becoming everything I wanted.

The completion of my book stops, starts, and then stops again. And the project of putting together a fashion show just landed on my desk today.

OMG>

Studio J Ry... Yeah, i'm on fire!

How will I make the time to open myself to a possible relationship and actual social life?

I guess we'll have to continue blogging and see what we uncover together.

Hearts,

Josh

3.09 : A story about what matters and finding value..

2010-09-07T11:23:00.000-07:00

Hey lambs,

Sorry I've been off schedule with blogs lately. I'm a couple behind and still owe you one. I'm pretty sure that I can guarentee you I'm busy.

I'm sitting at the coffee shop now after a meeting with my advertising rep. The images for my winter campagn are sealed and off to the printer and again, 50,000 homes in my area will be invited time for sessions and studio time with me.

The last blog I wrote was about a less-than-stellar birthday and I felt bad for being so negative nancy on you all, but it was very true.

My birthday for me is much bigger than Christmas! So, when people don't acknowledge it, I get sad. And even though I had 100+ messages from Facebook, Twitter, Texts and E-mails. The one person I wanted to spend my birthday with didn't even bat an eyelash and send a text. It's saddening.

That to me, shows me that the end with her is here. That's old news and I need to quit stirring up the old burnt embers of our relationship.

As I sit here, I think about all the cool people that took me to lunch last week and sent me coffee or cards and I just want to say a huge, mass "thank you."

You guys matter most to me.

On Sunday, I went on a wild goose hunt with my #1 Fashionista Michelle for a converter for a new TIGI Curling Rod she ordered overseas that was made for a UK outlet. After four visits, a lay over at the Lancome counter and a slopper and a few crown and cokes later, we found it...

I kept wondering, "why are we making the effort? And not getting discouraged?"

There was sooo much determination in that afternoon to find this effing converter. Why not buy one for the US? Because, #1 they are not released here and #2, it was worth the effort.

My point being, how many things in this life do we make an effort to make accomdiations to use?
It's alot like people we love. We put up with some bullshit just to get a simple yes or text message.

One of my favourite quotes my Kabbalah instructor told me was, "if it wasn't worth the effort and energy, it wasn't wporth it in the first place."

So... if I'm not worth the same amount of energy to friends as I invest in them, maybe it's not worth the begging.. because that's what it becomes.

I just got word of my potential move-in date for my apartment and just finished a power meeting and am fueled up on vegetables and the need for a spray tan...

So, my advice to you this week is to find out who is making an effort to communicate or better their relationship with you. If they are making an effort, then, give them the benefit of the doubt.

Give them a chance.

Another reason this comes up is because I've updated "policies" at the salon and my website and there is a new 'no show clause'. In a nutshell, if they don't show, they are penalized.

I am aware that alot of people may never pay and never return, but one thing I need people to understand as The High Holy Days are mere days away and it's a sense of renewel and repentence, is that, I am worth my value.

I am worth the world.

You mean the world to me and I should mean the world to you..as a hairdresser, as a friend, and most importantly, for giving you the benefit of the doubt and me likewise in my relationship (no matter what capacity) to you.

Hearts,
Josh

PS: The above image is part of my Holiday 2010 campaign debuting in October!

3.08 - A story about a less-than-happy birthday.

2010-08-30T09:43:00.000-07:00

Good morning lambs,

It's 10:45 am on August 30th. Today is, in fact, my birthday and I'm sitting here alone at Casa de Cooley sipping a coffee getting ready to clean house ..

How glamourous.

I was greeted by some wonderful messages via Facebook and text this morning and could see how wonderful people really are. I am truly very blessed. I was kinda hoping I'd get a surprise text from Nasia, but no...

And I don't want anything from Leon even though I spent alot of time and effort on his birthday and hooked him up with D&G and a kick-ass watch..

I guess somehow, a day that I have always cherished since my birth, isn't so "happy" this year.

For weeks, people have asked me "what would you like to do on your birthday?"

My family has been bugging me, "what you like to eat on your birthday?"

I'm yet to answer. It's my birthday.

I'm at home getting ready to clean and then work out and then maybe I'll call Andrew or Janelle and turn my phone on and take the world for what it's worth once again.

I've never had a birthday funk like this. But I truly believe that the release of Nasia is bothering me the most... that was my best friend! Leon's deceit and lies only mirror the fact that nothing was real. Ever.

...and as much as I value my lambs, and Andrew, and Janelle...

somehow the double-whammy of losing two people I had so much love for remains...and I just want it to be done with...

I'm sure that turning on the iPod and cleaning will pre-occupy my time, but in the meantime...

Happy Birthday to me.

Thank you for the wishes this year, but I miss one person most this year and it would only make me the happiest to have Nasia back in my life..

that's a candle I won't count on blowing out though.

xo
j ry

3.07: A story about public image, finding my value and creating an alliance..

2010-08-27T01:10:00.000-07:00

Good morning lambs,

It's about 2 am on Friday morning and I'm sitting here in my American Apparrel tee and sniffing away my allergies..

Well, the countdown has begun, Monday is my birthday- I will be an astounding 1,000 years old! I'm excited...

As part of turning 1,000, I thought I would update you on a little career info: Trendsetters Hair Studio HAS EXPLODED along with Joshua Ryan, Inc. Lots of fun winter campaigns are in the works for me as a solo gig and a promotional event or two are in the works for the salon overall and let me tell you, I'm super excited.

On top of that, I found out today that for the first quater of me working at Trendsetters, I am, of course, you guessed, TOP RETAILER. Most product moved by yours truly, but did we have any doubts?

Nope.

I've had an astounding THREE job offers this week from competing salons: one new, one old, and one up the block. I laughed and very genuinely declined and announced, "I'm super happy where I'm at, baby, but thank you, the offer means so much to me..."

The funniest part is that I realized my value locally has gone up immensely! For three long years, I was told "no" and that "[I wasn't] very good at what [I] did or technically gifted." And let me tell you, SoCo and the local beauty industry see otherwise!

I think truly that my last salon and it's ownership kept me held back out of jealousy and hostility and I find it abolutely disgusting that they find it healthy to talk to people like that when they know damn well there are some very talented artists in this industry locally and globally.

I was talking to my mum tonight and she told me, "no matter what, you never diss anyone, you've always admited their streingths and your strengths and your variances and a difference in technique.."

I interrupted her and said, "..because no body is wrong.. beauty is a philosophy and art, we all have a point of view."

I never said I was the best, I never said I was Vidal goddamned Sassoon, but one thing I am is honest..

genuine is another good word.

I may not be THE best to some, but for every hater, there is someone who adores me. Alot of the time, I find it hard telling myself I'm alright at what I do or finding the confidence.

All the public appearances being lined up for the fall are extraordinary and people that have met with me have applauded me on my efforts to inspire my team of salon peers. One person I don't ever have a doubt in is my salon owner Janelle. She believe 110% that everything we're doing is only for the best for the growth of her salon.

We're getting new stations, we're making public appeanances and are even thinking of putting together a fashion show. My NEXT big project along with my manuscript and Haute Mess by J Ry (no hints yet for the public) is to create an alliance between salons...

I want us to be 100% committed to education, ethics and friendship between each other. In this very small economy and business world that SoCo has, it's not okay to have enemies, it's only proper to (let's pretend we're in kindergarten when I say this) make friends.

Together, we prosper and alone we can still make waves, but it's nice to know you have someone on your side and someone there to back you up.

Recently, I lost two individuals that I thought were my back up and I have to tell you: if I have it my way and create an alliance, I'll have all of SoCo as my back-up and the two that abandoned me in my hour of need will run to the hills...

Have a fabulous weekend... and keep a look out for your favourite Rockstar Stylist Josh Cooley and your favourite Trendsetter Janelle making waves very soon in a neighbourhood near you!

xxxo.

J Ry

PS: I recently was certified and named a L'Oreal International Artist for their INOA Haircolour Range, visit http://www.findinoa.com/ to see yours truly on the international L'Oreal Professionnel website. ; )

3.06 - A story about my shedding my cocoon...

2010-08-23T22:52:00.001-07:00

Dear lambs,

It's about midnight, well, a few minutes before and I thought I'd take this opportunity to blog about happening in the life of yours truly, the original pretty boy.

I just returned from working out with sissy Miss Adrian and am sipping down a soy-protien shake mixed with almond milk (well, that's not really milk, if it's from almonds, is it?) and a mixture of organic blueberry-acai-blackberry juice... it's fabulous --- kinda.

I am taken back to my early days of hanging out with Leon (Panda) and his constant need to suck down a protien shake and how stupid he was for not eating prior or after a work out. He was under the Headlines mentality that starving yourself and supplments made you beautiful. Well, I don't want a sip of that shake because it's not getting him too far up the ranks..

I have, since my departure in June, been working out non-stop. Today, one of my guests told me, "you look soooo good" and for the first time when I saw myself naked in the mirror this morning, I dind't roll my eyes in disgusts and mumble "f--k it".

I actually liked what I was seeing..

That's a major breakthrough for me!

Believe it or not, this narcisistic little man doesn't think he's very attractive! At all.

And now I'm starting to peel off the layers of doubt and seeing this whole other person I never thought I'd meet.

I received amazing news today that I WILL officially be moving downtown in early September! Holy mama!! I'm excited. My mum, well, she's a little sad..

I've been home so long it's going to be a different adjustment for her, but it's been way long overdue! I was trying to adjust her to not seeing me by staying with Leon for most of April-July and when that all ran away and I had to stay home at Casa de Cooley, as good as it felt, it was very smothering at the same time..

I miss the loft downtown, but I do not miss the fights, the arguments, the late mealtimes, the constant one-way-loveness of it all... it sounds alot like a caged animal, doesn't it?

Well, that is what it felt like and that's what I loved whole-heartedly for months.

Today, I was talking to Andrew and I started talking about Leon and my non-existent relationship with Nasia and realized that I'm at the part of a break-up where you want to get even...

I am not built that way!

I do not ever want that, but now, I'm kind of rebelling against all the whole-heartedness and came to verbal and public realization that their removal was needed. I am better off focusing on me.

I have moved on. New salon! New success... super busy. Great clients. Great company. When I'm home. I'm home.

No drama. No talking down to me...

Andrew told me, "it's sooo good to see you not in 'whiney' mode. That irritates me." Poor Andrew, no wonder he doesn't read the blog, I whine the whole time! HA HA

So, taking this to a positive blog and not such a negative vibe, I have been able to focus on the editing of my book and a new project entitled "Haute Mess by J Ry"

I can't release the details just yet, but it's a project in the works... I'm excited to share it with you and as time goes on and my downtown fifteen-year old meets Fashion Week Maven takes hold, I will divulge all the gritty details of exactly what "Haute Mess" by J Ry is.

I am at a point of realization (once again, how many points of realization can one have in ONE blog?) that moving on and building my life is something I'm open to.

I want to resurge my t-shirt line and design work.

I want my clients to come first.

I want a love-life... I am entitled.

I want to be single.

I want to be alone Greta-Garbo-style

I want to walk the sidewalk with friends and eat frozen yogurt talking about absolutely nothing..

I want my cocoon to finally open and I want to unveil the butterfly named J Ry soon...

Losing Leon was nothing compared to the energy I feel now bubbling in my cocoon..

I could explode, but until then...

new blog in a couple days...

And be on the look out for Haute Mess by J Ry details coming soon..

BTW: My birthday is next Monday... I have zero-plans. Any suggestions for this haute mess?

xxxo,

J Ry

3.05 - A story about John Lennon's waiting list...

2010-08-18T22:26:00.000-07:00

Hey lambs...

It's about 11:30 pm on a Wednesday night and I'm sipping the last of my Heineken and finishing up reading some comments from my Facebook page.

Today, my website past 1,400 visitors and the blog had more readers in one week that it has in a VERY long time. I'm working on absolutely nothing at the moment and it feels good.

This morning, I woke up around 11 from a text message sent by Andrew asking what I was doing for lunch. I decided to take a partial day-off as in seeing I haven't had a day off in three weeks. Crazy, Josh... just crazy, but that's how much I love you guys!

So, I looked at this Saturday and next Saturday and Saturday's into the next month and half and I'm about 90% booked along with my in-demand Mondays. I even have a waiting list in the works and it's only been ten weeks since my split with the girls at Headlines. I was told I WOULD NEVER have a waiting list!!!!

Crazy how that happens, huh?

To say the least, I'm very confident at the moment and for good reason: I've earned the right to be confident. I've removed the negativity out of my life and have installed a filter. Some would say I have trust issues at the moment (and they may be correct), but others may say that I am also moving on and embracing it and yes, I am.

Today, my rabbi wrote to me and told ME thank you. I was like, "why?"

Then, I really though... in a world where Yehuda has written books and speaks worldwide in a different venue every single week, that's such an honour that he even replies to me via Facebook and Twitter.

I posted a message on Facebook today about creating miracles and making them happen. One thing we've always been taught at The Kabbalah Centre was, "God does not create miracles- YOU do!"

It's not to downgrade or talkdown blessings or miracles from up above, but it's to say that we have the potential to create amazing, massive things in this world using our powers for good and not our powers of darkness that bring people down and cause frowns on customers and business associates and loved ones and children, but to create a "universal" happiness where we all get along... and yes, I know I sound very John Lennon right now, but the man had something...

He also removed himself from conflict in the world including the pressure of The Beatles. Yoko did not break up the group, he romoved himself... I watched the documentary! I know! (ha ha)

I think my inspiration from watching John is watching him remove himself from the world's most popular group at that time, along with Paul and realizing The Beatles' name didn't really mean anything, it was the talent behind the name...

I think about that alot lately and situations like it, like me leaving Headlines. A HUGELY well-known salon in our area, but who do you remember there? I have a slew of e-mail, texts, messages via Facebook and josh-cooley.com that say I made the experience there for those guests...

And to me... that's what matters..

That gets me out of bed EVERY morning along wiht Yehuda's words in my inbox and texts on my phone and that humbles me when I remember distinctly being told by the matriarch of Headliens... YOU'LL NEVER HAVE A WAITING LIST, YOU'LL NEVER RETAIN A GUEST, NO ONE'S EVER MADE IT, PROVE ME WRONG, BABE...

Well, babe...

Here's your waiting list...

Love John Lennon... I mean, Josh Cooley...

; )

3.04 - A story about finding the fashionistas and walking the runway together.

2010-08-15T23:46:00.000-07:00

Hello lambs,

It's almost 1 am on Monday morning and I'm sipping some detox tea and reading directions on the back of my soy protien powder.. how do people use this stuff? (not kidding)

So, this week, although very successful at the salon, was very stagnant in my soul and insides. With the realization of my two friends deleting me out of their lives, I had a verbal smackdown from my mom, Yvonne Cooley.

We have agreed that moving forward is the best thing for me and not looking back and as I consulted with my teacher and rabbi at The Kabbalah Centre in LA, I realized it's time to send my very last "fire or hire" messages to my friends.

I met with some amazing friends and got tons of messages from all of you regarding my "cyber meltdown" on Thursday night. Thank you guys. I need to focus on all the amazing friends I have out there and not on the two that have worn me out.

Thank you for always having feedback for me. I live for that! Truly.

In moving forward, it's hard not to check Panda's online profile only to see that I am blocked (that's effed up) and that he has cute-ass pics blowing kisses at the camera. He seems to be even better without me and a part of me wants to throw a baseball at his head. No joke.

Staring at my Blackberry today, I was hoping to hear the "ding!" of a new e-mail note from Nasia, but nothing..

Oh well...

In moving forward, I talked to Janelle, my salon peer, and have looked at focusing on the salon and improving my overall image. Tonight, I watched Rachel Zoe on tv and realized, I'm doing just fine. She's always so "drama", but it's not real, you can tell. She knows how to deal or she wouldn't be as successful as she is, kinda like, I'm not as drama as I seem or I wouldn't have what I have.

And I have a phenomenal team behind me helping me rock out the Joshua Ryan, Inc universe.

For reference: Joshua Ryan, Inc is the company owned by yours truly that owns me, my salon accounts, my t-shirt line I've neglected, my book I've neglected and my work with haircare companies that I need to resurge..

So, with two people out of the picture that took all my time and investments, I am onward looking for an apartment of my own in downtown P-town to be the centre of Joshua Ryan, Inc. Mum Yvonne and I have a meeting tentatively scheduled to go over the financials of my brand as she will assume the CEO role and I will simply own myself, my brands and assume Creative Director.

We're gonna focus on the following: house - check (place to live needed), car (yep, time to upgrade!) and saving money in the process and number three (the ultimate salon).

I love my home at Trendsetters and love working with Janelle and see myself there for a couple more years. I love treating it like a private studio and being able to offer my guests the very best there is. So, focusing on me is the challenge because working downtown and my clientele are the easy part: but J Ry, the person, has to grow up and make some adjustments.

I have had a blast twittering and texting new individuals and meeting new clients after dropping my very own ad campaign throughout all of Southern Colorado! I want to catapult my business to the next level! On top of that, I am talking / flirting with a new valentine on my downtime..

I'm not expecting much, but a little "friendly" diversion, is totally needed right now.

I met with my good friend Michelle for sushi this week and had a blast talking to her, but it's time for a follow-up. She's so fashionable and has so much going on in her life right now and it seems like my life is moving me and my Diesel jeans to more Avante Garde, fashionista group of friends, Antoinette met with me on Friday afternoon and we had the "realest" of conversation I've had in a while.

She was the one that told me and I am above conflict, it's not needed! I love her so much for that! It was an eye opener. It also opened my eyes as I was speaking about what douche one of my former acquaintances really is. As we talked outside the coffee shop, literally about a dozen people stopped and said hi or waved or recognized me or something along those lines, Antoinette says, "dude! You're a fucking rockstar!"

I was so certain, I'd be fine. In fact, better, without the baggage.

Janelle and I talk alot. She's defenitely become a super good friend of mine and I adore her to bits. Working on the salon with her has been a joy for me. I love it! I have so much pride on Union because of the fact that there's a sense of community downtown. It's absolutely amazing to me...

Yeah, as my boxes of couture came in this week, I realized, a new polished look, a new group of fashionistas and a filter on my exes and friends and clientele is super needed.. maybe a little silence, although, deafening is needed...

Find your "fashionistas" this week lambs and hold on tight.. it's time to walk the runway with a little attitude and no looking back...

-josh

3.03 - A story about the last thing you told me...

2010-08-11T22:47:00.000-07:00

Hey lambs!

It's J Ry here at almost 12 midnight blogging a classic mid-week blog as I sip a Crown and Redbull and sit here with laptop and Diesel underwear. (Haha! What a visual)

Today was a HUGEly long day, but it all the right ways!

Busy, booked scheduled at the salon today and yesterday was the release of my huge-ass ad campaign all over the city with direct mail VIP Passes to over 50,000 homes in the area! OMG! That's huge! Never before in my life did I think I'd be capable of making this happen, but it has!

I immediately received phone calls. I'm so excited to record the success of this investment. Honestly. One of the best moves I've ever made and I'm pretty sure my big salon up the street that I divorced a couple months ago is shitting their panties. (sorry for THAT visual)

Tonight, after this fun day of celebrating my add and taking a ride down to one of my favourite coffee shops, I noticed the opening of a NEW salon in town. It looked so pretty from the sidewalk, I walked in and shouted, "Oh my god!! It's sooooooo pretty in here."

I met with the owner and another stylist and congratulated her on her effort. Opening a salon is tough, honestly. Owning your own business is tough. As I said hi and talked briefly I told her, "I had to come say hi because in this field you have peers, you DO NOT make enemies."

As I said my goodbyes and got my coffee and back in the car, I started wondering, did Nasia and Panda think I was trying to create an enemy in the pair of them along with the last artistic team I left? I hope not.

At the same time, the conscience decision to stop talking to me was in their free-will.

According to the direct and observed reports (ha ha / wink wink), Nasia is not digging my blog, and Panda stopped talking, texting, e-mailing and Facebooking after he returned from New York. It's sad. I love my friends with all my heart, but also take alot of shit from people I trust. I allow myself to be a doormat and let them push me and push me and talk above me like they ARE over me, when in fact, it's not so.

I'm sorry I'm not a family man, I'm sorry I'm not city enough for some people, but I'm not sorry for being me. Or having integrity.

I'm at the point of sadness after a break-up where you're angry and want to get even, but at the dawn of realizing, getting even is just like dragging it on and beating a dead horse, so, with that (and hoping the pair of them are reading), I release you of any obligation to me. Hands down.

I would love to re-establish all my bonds at a moment's notice if for some odd reason an ounce of humbleness was displayed.

In this world, it's all about protecting ourselves and keeping our own necks above water. And for years, I protected and kept an eye on all my friends and as some have sunken, I've let them, but the ones I tied imaginary floating devices to, turned around and took my one good water wing and wanted me to swim for my life or die. And that's not cool.

Maybe this space/separation was a long time coming and maybe, just maybe, Andrew was right...

I need to stand up for myself.

Tonight, I had sushi with the fabulous fashionista herself, Michelle. We tweeted about our dinner tonight and talked about relationships (or lack of) and work and people in high school and at that moment in time I realized, "I'm just fine."

When more than three dozen people tell you, "Josh, f--k 'em and move on..."

I would say that's a bold hint to move on and focus.

Sunday night, I ordered a slew of threads from design houses in preparation of my ad campaign and Fall fashion season 2010. Diesel, Christian Audigier, Cain & Abel, American Apparel and my boy Mo of Last Leaf Designs are all contributing to the newly rebuilt J Ry.

Joshua Ryan, Inc is in full swing with my apartment purchase nearly half-way done and my business in full throttle.

As I sent my last text last Friday to Panda and Nasia, I sent identical texts, "I miss you and love you. xoxo."

Not a reply.

The last thing Nasia told me was, "buy a journal."

The last thing Panda told me was, "I think you're stupid [and] stay up, I'll call you back" -- and never did.

The last thing I told each of them was "i love you."

Here's to love, here's to business, and here's to them... cheers!

They're gonna miss me.

Josh

3.02 - A story about toasting to help and toasting to separation...

2010-08-08T17:36:00.000-07:00

Hey lambs!

How are you? It's Sunday afternoon, almost early evening and I'm blogging over a glass of Crown and Redbull hot off a night of chilling with my good friend Andrew and a converstation with my salon peer Janelle.

I absolutely adore both of them to pieces and have come to the conclusion that they are two of my rocks in life as we speak. They both have been there and I sometimes take for granted the advice given from my friends and peers that want the absolute best for me. Andrew has stepped up to the plate as an amazing person and great friend to me. It's sometimes very hard for me to accept alot of what I hear when a friend has to throw a smackdown on me and last night was one of those nights.

I was not entirely in the mood for a heart to heart conversation, but was presented with alot of very tangible reasons for always feeling sadness over people that shouldn't really matter.

I remember hearing, "you are and become like those that you hang around with." And recently, I've had to make some adjustments. I've chosen to separate from a couple people that I claimed were my mainstays in life. One person, I have alot of history with, one, only months of history with..

I think the highest of both of them in regards to their talents artistically and in their businesses, but feel it's time to move on and separate from the pair of them until I'm contacted by either. Which means, it could or maybe could not happen.

Alot of guidance has come from a trusted couple of friends and my mum and last night, I had to let it all soak in as Andrew and I enjoyed an evening at the opening of a new bar, 3Below.

3Below has been opened by two of my clients and one of my cousins/god-brother. I'm very excited to tell you how impressed I was and how extremely proud I have of the three. I felt relaxed and safe and had a great time sipping cocktails and order the signature 3Below shot in a test tube... ha ha!

Recently, to pre-occupy my time, I've taken interest in mentoring a fellow stylist. We have a photoshoot planned for her and styling session. We're "remaking" or "refining" her image and I'm building a budding new frienship in the process..

My plans of opening my own salon are still in the works, but focusing my attention on Trendsetters and re-working my book are my passions in the meantime. I went apartment hunting and think I found a spot for possible move in in September after my birthday.

I need to take the time to focus on Josh, which means, my own place, no more Casa de Cooley or Panda's loft. Mine. Joshua Ryan, Inc. is in full swing. I need to get that going, get moved in and perhaps even work on a new car and letting life weed itself out. So, for the remainder of 2010, Pretty Boy Education and my self-promotion at Trendsetters will pre-occupy my time and I'll re-evalutate salon plans in early 2011 for possible work in 2012 as I've always said.

I've also got to acknowledge and thank the guidance of my good friend Andrew and my peers Janelle and Julie and my heart to heart with my mum.

My mum and I had a heart to heart the other night about me leaving the house and really establishing my identity.

Nothing has ever changed about me. I have always accepted that I like to have cocktail hour, walk around downtown sipping coffee and smoke a cigarette while discussing art, sex, spirituality and anything deep late at night with a mixed group of friends. Blogging is a huge outlet for me and when people tell me not to blog or tell me that they are offended by the content, it really doesn't matter to me.

The reason being, 9 out of 10 of you tell me how much you LOVE the blog and 1 out of 10 of you tell me that you were offended or felt slighted. All I can say is, I have never written about anything that isn't true or anything we haven't discussed.

Andrew reassured me last night that I have my balls in the right place and need to start thinking with them and stop worrying about what my misguided heart is telling me at the moment. My logic has to judge what's going on and not what others are saying about me, twittering or texting about me.

One thing I've learned is that those close to us that have gotten to know us intimately that do not stand up for us are ususally working against us somewhere with someone evil or envious.

So, it's time to stand up, put on my big boy couture trunks and walk away and focus on Josh Cooley: the person. Not the lover, not the business man, not the blogger- the person!

Because without me being a solid person, I cannot be solid in any of those fields. One reliable attribute I have is business, so we don't have to worry about that, but one questionable and imbalanced part of me is my choice of relationships and acquaintances and that has to end NOW. Not tomorrow, not next week...

My birthday's around the corner and I know I'm not going to have well-wishes or cocktails with a few on my heart's guest list this year and that's okay. I raise a glass to my self and toast my separation from negative people and toxic relations and toast to my good friends Andrew and Janelle for helping me realize that we all need an intervention and guidance from good friends.

When we don't want help, is generally, when we need the most.

Shavua tov,
Joshy.

Dedicated to Andrew. You mean so much to me... ; )

3.01 - A story about "re-casting" the stars of my reality series..

2010-08-04T22:17:00.000-07:00

Good evening lambs,

How are you? It's about 11 pm and I'm actually at my parents' restaurant waiting for my mum to finish a few menial tasks. Thought I'd blog from a different location.

Actually, my life has taken a different direction considering the actions and attitudes of others towards me and my rabbi's advice to "follow [my] own path"

I'm currently chatting with two lambs via Facebook and making a list of tasks to complete.

Today, it leaked out that I was apartment shopping in the downtown are near my studio and I was quickly greeted by a fellow downtowner/shop owner. "I hope you move closer Josh, so we see more of you!"

What funny is that the public wants to see MORE of me? How much more can you possibly see? I'm so publicly known and divluge so much over blog, twitter, facebook and josh-cooley.com that it's hard not to be seen more. (ha ha)

I had been this particular shop-owner's bakery many times before and even placed an order for Jax's birthday cookies a month early with her and she took the most diligent of care and detail and placed it precisely on each cookie. She told me today, "I've heard so much about you!"

I quickly and jokingly replied, "all good? I hope!"

She goes, "you're so well-known for your conversation skills and for being very good at what you do, knowing alot about what you do and being a total joy to be around."

I was so compimented by that lambs. It has been hard the last couple weeks. Especially last week and the week before. I've felt very ignored by two special people in my life or very taken for granted and, in fact, saw myself changing myself for the wrong reasons.

I mean, I thought I left Headlines to solidify publicly that I CAN'T be pushed around, you know?

I am a man of integrity and tell people all the time, "do not stay with someone who wants you to change.."

Wanting someone to change who they are and demanding it is NOT healthy.

Blogging, in this case (as an example), is a BIG part of who I happen to be. Behind the chair, I am super professional and love talking to my guests like it's a talk show while I explain colour application and cutting and styling techniques. The website is totally devoted to my business and you ALL know that I genuinely stay in contact with my fanbase and clientelle through Facebook and it's many features.

So, it's pretty given that my blog should be the "in depth" version of Josh. This would be the subject for each episode of a J Ry reality series and focus shortly on my talents as a stylist or buisness man. But the episodes would focus mainly on my interaction with my salon lambs, online community and the public and my projects and the termoil and interaction between the projects and my group of close-knit friends.

Lately, that quilt of friends has had a few snags. I have one chasing a career and wants me to drop everything and come along... that's not my dream: to be someone's shadow.

I have a good friend whom I'll never dump, but seems to be bothered by me because she's being left out of the loop.

I have a side-character who is quickly becoming a power-player (that's you Andrew! ha ha) -- he wants the best for me and is contantly threatening to slap the sense back into me.

My salon peer Janelle has been a rock lately and I adore her. As well as another stylist, Julie. They've been amazing.

My mum and dad have stepped back in as my nightly chat company and my lambs have, of course, been my reason for living.

Last week, I announced that JOSH was my priority from now on, and let me tell you, I can tell it's brothering a couple people. In fact, my apartment hunt has conjured many tweets, texts and e-mails between friends...

Julie is taking a huge move forward and booked a professional photoshoot and wants mentoring in this field. I have a guy that wants to be my assistant next summer that I'm considering interviewing and mentoring and Janelle has been the perfect salon peer and one of the only people I can stomach talking to. Andrew is the voice of reason in all this..

Saddest and best part of my life right now is seeing how the "reality series" starring me is being re-cast for a new season of fun and drama (I'm sure.)

Not to say that my two power players (that wish to remain nameless are completely gone), but they are showing me through their actions that they are electing themselves to be left in the shadows of my success and life.

Note to all: I am and will NEVER be in the shadows!

As I see the new line-up clearly in front of me, I'm happy that things are sifting themselves out, but I'm melancholy to see two of my cloesest confidantes exemplify the qualities of a royal douche. (point blank!)

I get told I act and speak out of ego and get called a bitch alot, but one thing I can tell you from past experience: I always come out on top... promise.

love you lambs. Thanks for following and love you for loving me back... it's what has gotten me out of bed these last three weeks...

Hearts forever,
J Ry

PS: I love all my friends, but sometimes, a re-cast has to happen to conserve what's left of the friendship. TTYL... follow me on twitter at http://www.twitter.com/prettyboyedu

2.13 - A story about making Josh my priority.

2010-08-02T00:45:00.000-07:00

Good morning lambs.

It's about 2 am on a Monday.

It's been about a week since my last blog ..

It took alot out of me this week to not just delete my blogs, but they mean alot to alot of different people. I actually really love blogging. When I get a message from one of my lambs about how much they miss my blogs or when I see the feedback, it really makes my heart dance. You have no clue!

Last week, I may have divulged a little too much information regarding my subject and it's co-star. So much that I ended up deleting my post merely 12 hours after posting it. I would never do that normally, but it meant something for me to show the person I was writing about how much I cared for him.

For a week (almost), more like four days, I didn't recieve a call or a text and I began to miss him and really question my stance in the relationship as friends and beauty industry peers. As I made a phone call to my best friend to discuss it, I realized that after three days of her ignored texts and no response to my voice message, she probably was busy, but probably had no interest in answering my texts or talking about the subject matter, so Wednesday night, a teary eyed, red-lidded Josh turned his phone off for a day and half and slept on the situation.

I missed facebook chatter, texts from clients, e-mails, everything!

On Thursday evening, I turned the phone on to a message from Panda.

"Josh. We're ok. Stop!"

Okay, well maybe I went overboard with the stalker-status voicemails and texts.

I checked on my best friend. She said she had been busy with her kids.

I called my rabbi at The Kabbalah Centre and read his updates via e-mail.

"Josh, we're all at a point where we're debating whether to welcome change or accept things as they are. Always beware of the order beneath disorder and understand that sometimes you're exactly where you need to be."

How many times have I preached that very concept on this blog?

As Panda was in NY later this week, he called, he texted, he missed me.

My best friend was disconnected, but responded occasionally.

As I looked at the calendar turn to August and saw six weeks before Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year), I realized...

maybe things are changing for a reason.

Today, I opened my e-mail and Yehuda (my rabbi) wrote, "not all the co-stars are the stars of your movie, Josh. Remember, you are the only one in your own hands."

It all made sense as I talked to my mum over the kitchen table this afternoon after a Starbucks run.."I am the only one in my own hands."

That's why I left my last salon.

That's why I make creative and business decisions for myself.

One thing I've forgotten is applying that principle to my personal life.

Maybe, just maybe, the universe is nudging me to change my cast a little bit or to "re-cast" the order of priority they are.

Maybe, it's time to let Josh be Josh and ignore the cast for a while.

My friends Bri text me and told me after seeing a sad post on Facebook, "don't make someone a priority when they only make you an option."

I got many good morning and amazing texts from clientele that were worried about me and all I can say is thank you to Yvette, Trish, Belinda and Brandy.

And thank you to Panda for calling me from the airport

And thank you to Nasia for telling me the girls are your priority.

...right now, lambs. I think I just realized: Josh is MY priority.

xoxo.

Joshy.

Check out josh-cooley.com

2010-07-26T20:37:00.001-07:00

Attention:

The blog entitled, "A story about embracing my favourite Panda.."

has been deleted due to viewer request.

I also restarted the blog counter at zero. So, let's just say the blog could take a shift in theme or I may re-consider what is being placed online for all to see.

My goal with my blog, as stated in entries prior is NEVER to offend or over exaggerate or humiliate or defame a single person or individual or his or her characteristics.

The blog deals with me and my life and I often include people that are special to me in it's entries.

I hope those of you reading understand that as a request, I was asked to remove yesterday's entry. I am emotionally very depressed about this move and would not have deleted the entry if I didn't love the person wholly with my heart and every fibre of my being.

In the meantime, feel free to skim previous entries or visit me on Facebook or at

josh-cooley.com

Hearts xoxo.

Josh Cooley

My sincerest apologies to the individual mentioned in yesterday's entry.

2.12 - A story about living through someone..

2010-07-22T09:13:00.000-07:00

J Ry's shopping list

-D&G - check

-Lacome Creme Douceur - later

-CHI Ionic Colour - check

-Panda - check

-lasting friendship(s) - meeting later, but check

-a need to be seen and be talked to - absolutely triple check

Good morning lambs,

It's about 10 am on a Thursday morning and I'm getting ready to start out my day. Today I had planned on taking the day off and actually will be taking clients about 3 pm, but that's no biggie. In fact, it's rather enjoyable.

As I sit here, I'm sitting at Panda's loft, at the dining room table. We spent last night going through clothes, items, boxes, memories and had a fabulous dinner around 10 last night. He's a fabulous cook and a fabulous friend.

Words cannot merely paint the picture or express how much I love him or how much it troubles me when I don't get a reply via text or phone call, etc. In fact, I'm a bit obsessive over him. It's a flaw of mine that comes out as a control issue in my life, perhaps from childhood?

Who knows.

So, Tuesday night, I had sushi with a friend of mine that I had tried to date at one point. He's on his way to design school and I am super thrilled for him. I remember being his age and being in design school and absolutely wishing for the best: my own illustration line, website and to be the new tokidoki. In fact, when I was in design school Simone Legno (tokidoki founder) was not even popular yet, he was in many of the design magazines I submitted items to at the very same time, a few years later and an illustration series and a website later, I through in the towel and ran off to cosmetology school.

I don't regret it.

I make way more now than I ever did doing freelance anything.

As my friend told me of his plans, all I could do was remember being his age and wanting the most. I wish now, I would have went off to fashion school in Italy, but stayed because my mum said, "no".

Even now, it's hard for me to let go of people.. especially when I'm close to them or have a history with them. But I've realized with age and eight years later, that it's best for them to pursue and travel and learn about the world and expose themselves to the real world!

Truly.

Panda always tells me he's living vicariously through me. I told my friend the other day how proud I was of him and told him, "omg, I just want to live vicariously through you."

All of sudden, it came full-circle.

Panda deeply has an attachment to me and wants me to push myself to my utmost limit like I want my design friend to. I never understood what he said through that sentence and as I sit here in his loft and look around, I think to myself, "wow, I'm absolutely blesssed."

My personal life is not always perfect, but it's mine.

I think back now to when I was working at my last salon and think about what people were saying about me and judging me and judging Panda and Nasia and all associated with me including things I do, people I love and don't so much care for and think, "wow, I made the right choice."

Even now when I get wind of something discomforting, I just brush it off after the initial shock.

I know that deep down, it's so important for me to keep my integrity because people are looking up to meand looking forward to what I have up my sleeve next.

Next month, I'm launching an ad campaign that will be mailed out to 50,000 homes in my area. I want to expand my clientele tremendously! Something I've dreamed of is having the power and money to do this and then start building the foundation of my life and then invest more money into opening Joshua Ryan, Inc as a real salon, a private studio and headquarters for all my projects.

Will Panda be involved?

Will my mum be involved?

Andrew?

Design friend?

Nasia?

My salon lambs?

Yes, no, and maybe so... the answer to that question is still up in the air and I can honestly tell you, "I like that."

I like that I can't answer that question right now because that is what gives me the drive to continue to live and to allow others to live through me...

Here's to life and the weekend.

Hearts,

J Ry aka, Joshua Ryan aka Josh Cooley aka Joshy aka josh-cooley.com

To live through me daily and in random moments of excitement and not-so-exciting moments, follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/prettyboyedu

2.11 - A story about how to care without boundaries...

2010-07-19T22:31:00.000-07:00

Good evening lambs,

It's about 11:30 pm on Monday night. Tonight and all the way into tomorrow at Sundown is Tisha B'av, the most negative day of the calendar year. It's not that bad things happen this day, it's that there's such a tremendous amount of energy released this day that we as humans do not know how to accept it, so in place of being happy, we mourn or we become humble and quiet on this day. It's not meant to be a bad day, as much as it's a way to "re-awaken" the senses.

I can tell you, I've been re-awakened tons! As much as I feel the amazing spot I'm in in my life, I can honestly tell you, I have a hard time expressing momentous joy. I do tend to slip into myself and not care about publicly expressing happiness. I'm very gray. Not black, not white. Sometimes being gray pisses people off and that's entirely okay.

This weekend, I celebrated my good friend Andrew's birthday in Denver. He had a blast! There was even an Adam Lambert siting at the club Saturday night. As I sat outside and spoke with numerous people in Denver, I was greeted by some and shunned by many others. People who have "friend"ed me online acted as if they did not want to actually meet me and others literally felt so organic to talk to.

Andrew and I were seperate for about 50% of the evening, but I was happy as long as he was enjoying himself.

All through the summer, I have a LONG string of birthdays to celebrate, Panda is in June, Jaxton is in June, my mum is in July, Andrew is in July and my birthday is in August! I'm excited to make plans. September is also the month my bestie Nasia calls birthday month. This has been a rather melancholy summer for most of my friends, alot of anxiety, alot of soul searching involved.

I've had alot of solo time and seen alot of parallells and polar changes in some of my relationships. I've seen my online base really nurture me and ask me how I am and my salon lambs take note and send me new referrels and send me notes and items telling me they're proud of me and they wish me well. I've had a shit-load of ignored phone calls and texts as well. Not just from clientele, but from people who have been amazing in my life.

So, as Tisha B'av, sets in and I examine my "rebirth" after this three week period of disgruntlement (I know, it's not a word), I ask myself, "who cares for me unconditionally as I care for them?"

My rabbi told me to "care without boundaries" in times of uncertainty, and I do. I have also fallen victim to some very aggressive online postings about me and directly e-mailed to me. And truly, it's okay.

My advice to you, my friends, is to "care without boundaries". Don't EVER give up on someone or something. If you feel like giving up, it wasn't worth it, it you are in tears because that ONE person does not answer his or her phone, keep dialing, they'll pick up, I promise. Deep down, they know you care. They may be in a shitty spot in life right now.

As much as I love my friends, I know I've been "ignored" numerous times. I pray that all goes back to normal soon and they both understand I will never give up on either and that my love is as unconditional for them as it should be for a spouse, a lover, or child (that's deep.)

And to my salon lambs, thank you for reflecing that care and love back to me.

And to Andrew, thank you for giving me one kick-ass weekend with your company and I hope you saw how much I care for you this year by enjoying your birthday weekend with you.

Shavua tov, lambs.

Remember to "care without boundaries"

Joshy

PS: if this was too deep or too Kabbalah-y for you, I apologize, it was needed. I love you all. xoxo. Dedicated to Panda and Nasia and a big warm cyber hug to Andrew and my salon lambs and all my Headliners I miss, but have let go.

2.10 - A story about the blog.. (and a thank you)

2010-07-14T23:46:00.000-07:00

Dear lambs,

I want to take the opportunity to thank you for visiting my blog and sending feedback.

My goal through the blog is generally to be positive and not negative. Of course, the blog is about me and my personal life. Alot of people close to me have told me not to continue writin the blog and for me, that's simply not an option.

I choose to disply vulnerability in the blog for the mere fact that we are all human. Like it or not, we all have bad days, like it or not, we all have AMAZING DAYS!

My blog focuses mainly on vague stories about a series of days and the people and places involved.

To be mentioned in my blog is a privelage and not a right of passage, by any means. However, keep in mind, that the postings are for you to get to know me better.

One thing I've always valued is the art of conversation. I have a few people that have scored the right to message me at 12 midnight or 2 am and have hours of conversation and for me, converstaion is intimate. It's like laying in bed with me (clothes on of course).

Josh Cooley is a bad ass Rockstar Stylist, but I'm also human.

At the end of the day, I want to be the emo kid hanging upside down in the boy's room smoking a cigarette with dirty eye make-up making innappropriate comments to my boyfriends.

At the end of the day, I am still a 15 year old Peter Pan sitting in my couture underwear and $35 t-shirt eating cereal with soymilk.

At the end of the day, I am that avante garde artist that is too rich for SoHo and too poor for 5th Avenue.

I'm the boy who wants to grow into a success and take all my friends, clients and lovers with me and open a HUGE salon and have everyone enjoy a piece of the pie (like Duff on Ace of Cakes).

My goal in life was NEVER to get married, have kids, or be tied down, but I find myself wanting a Jaxton of my own, wanting to have a lover at the end of the day to cuddle with and call my own and wanting to have this extraorinary home to invite people over to sip coffee, cocktails (or both) and talk art, fashion, sex, life, and whatever comes to mind.

As I re-read tonight's blog and left the computer, I was greeted by a message from my friend Mike and I started texting him back and forth and then sent a message to Panda and realized what a dumb fuck I've been the last three days.

I HAVEN'T lived my life according to what I preach.

Time to count the pluses.

If that means Mike and Andrew are my biggest fans, well God bless 'em! I love them the most.

I had the chance to message Panda tonight and as I think to myself about all he's going through and what a little boy I am, I remember why I love him so much and why I love you all so much for sticking by me.

Sometimes even the strongest have moments of weakness. I've learned this many time before.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I love you all for loving me and loving the blog. No matter what I write about or misspell!

So, on a more "Josh" note...

Have a fabulous night and let's try to get through the rest of this horrible, miserable, bitch-ass week. Ha ha!

xoxo

Joshua

2.09 - A story about being ignored and divorced..

2010-07-14T22:58:00.000-07:00

Hello lambs,

I hope you're all doing well. It's been a rather melancholy week for me thus far and I've heard it's been the same for many many others. I've gotten a slew of amazing e-mails, texts and messages from you and appreciate it. Thank you for making me feel like I matter.

This week has been a bit distasteful. In terms of friendships, I can't get one f--king person I want to answer the phone or return messages promptly. It's been aggravating and it's wearing me down. I'm defenitely a people person and love talking to my best friends about what's going on and to be honest, I feel very ignored.

Tonight, especially.

As much as I like to count the plus signs in my life and try to avoid the minuses, each time one of my good friends or good clients does not reply to a messages or "ignores" me on their cell phone, it hurts me.

I'm sipping coffee as I type this and just finished smoking a couple cigarettes. Is it something I do often? No. Is it something I enjoy? Sometimes.

When do I smoke?

When I'm stressed.

I'm 100% stressed the f--k out tonight.

My amazing friend Andrew came to see me today and I adore him with all my heart. He kindly told me to "stop it."

My good boy, Andrew. He has gotten to know all my little habits. I wear my heart on my sleeve and it tears my friends apart. It aggravates them too.

I had a very good meeting with my advertising rep today and we have a HUGE offer coming up in August to the mainstream public! I'm excited for that. This week has been a slow week for me and I'm not used to that. I have always always always been busy. This morning I was woken by a phone call from a client: one of my favourites, mind you.

I didn't take the call because I was still groggy (it was early). So I "ignored" it and it went to voicemail. As I got out of the shower this morning and checked messages before leaving the house, she left me a message telling me, "I'm sorry, but I cannot go to you anymore. I think you're the absolute best, I'm sorry. "

I sent out messages to clients that rescheduled and didn't show and haven't got ONE text or call back from a list of clients I considered amazing and to be honest, it hurts to not have them on my books.

I knew I would lose clients when I decided to transition, but the transition hurts. For every new clients I've gained, I've gained an amazing relationship, but when people decide to leave with no explanation and even leave me a message, but have no real reason, it makes me feel the emptiness of that message on the inside.

I haven't spoken to Panda like I normally do in a few days or Nasia and it's killing me inside. Have they left me too? Am I paranoid?

Yeah, kinda.

I feel like the world is hitting "ignore" to Josh this week and like that void inside me is growing. I can feel the bitterness welling up in my eyes a I type this and for the sake of one person, in particular, I have to thank Andrew for making me feel special.

This weekend is Andrew's birthday, you see, and I'm off to dance my ass off in Denver. It's amazing that we're gonna party together and share his birthday, but man, it's been a lonely little ride this last week.

What happened?

Why are so many divorcing me when I've done so much for many of them?

I defenitely take things hard and am probably over-reacting, but it's a time that makes me wonder if people are slowly drifting away from me..

All I can tell you, is, Saturday can't come soon enough.

Secondly and most importantly, Andrew, let's rock your birthday, baby! It's gonna be amazing! You're the only one making me not feel ingored right now.

-josh.

2.08 - A story about the reality of detoxing your life (and a little Hebrew school too!)..

2010-07-12T23:38:00.001-07:00

Good morning my favourite lambs in the universe:

It's a bit after 12:30 am and I'm sitting here at the dining room table at my parents home after returning from the gym. I'm sipping on a mixture of Fiji water and a detox supplement containing senna, rubbarb and cascara sagrada and various sea algaes. Serious. No kidding.

Today was my beautiful mum's birthday. I can honestly tell you that that was the highest point of my day, in all reality. My downer of a day started with a flooding of rescheduled appointments, cancellations and alot of dissapointment from my friends and those close to me at this time in my life.

I do not like to be a downer, but man oh man, sometimes even positive people with lots of energy have moments, you know?

All day has bothered me. My overall health has bothered me. My company I keep has bothered me.

I felt that this summer was a good time to detoxify my life and my body, all the way from leaving my big salon, to leaving tons of people or waiting to see who would eventually leave me. Today, was a very very hard reality check. It's as if all my predictions came true in one day and I even found myself posting, "I'm at the verge of tears (Serious)" on my Facebook account for all to see. Why would I open myself up to this vulnerability and secondly, does it scare off the people I'm trying to ward off or does it scare the innocent lambs that merely check my page for recreation?

Not my goal.

I don't want to scare anyone away, but man, it's been a day.

As I detoxify my body from alcohol, caffiene, diet supplements, the occasional cig, meat and most dairy this next few days, it gives me a chance to really ask myself if I meant what I said when I said, "I'm removing all the toxic people in my life."

Time to get real with myself, I would say.

The ones who love me and want to stick by me will. The ones tired of me are, well, tired.

It's been such a day that my post after re-reading it numerous times actually prevented me from crying. Later on tonight, as my mum and I went out for movie, I cried in the movie. As much as I wanted to plain a hormone inbalance (ha ha), I kept crying. I put my glasses on and as my mum glanced over, I knew she knew it wasn't the movie. I looked over at her and nudged her and told her, "I'm just a f--king baby. Ignore me."

I stayed quiet and left the movie with sunglasses on as we went to Starbucks for a little reality check.

"Pull yourself together, Josh!" is all I could think.

By coincidence, for those of you that really know me well or have taken the time to notice, I have been a student of The Kabbalah Centre for the last eight years. This time of the year is a very very negative time of the year for a period of three weeks resulting in the most negative day of the year called "Tisha Bav". It is the day the temple was destroyed in Israel centuries ago. It is a time of mourning, and in many cases after a time of renewel. The three weeks leading to Tisha Bav only get worse.. so, as Tisha Bav is only 1 week away, and we are in the third and last week, I think to myself, "Wow, what a powerful detox!"

Three weeks of b.s. man!

It all hit me today. The guests that will NEVER return, the change in my relationship with a few people in my personal life, the change in my familiar relations with my close family, the physical change my body is going through as I approach a birthday next month, the restructuring of my brand, my business and clientelle, my business model, etc.

Yeah, a detox doesn't hurt. We have to feel some pain in the end of an old lifestyle to look forward to a new beginning and after one-month of amazing business, I can only tell you, a few cancellations does hurt me and hurts my feelings. But as my Rabbi, Yehuda tells, it's only destroying my ego, not my reputation.

We have to get past the ego to actually see who we really are and after a good cry, a work out and a blog, I see I'm where I need to be and have a harsh reality check to get humble and give thanks for all I have.

So, for those of you that sent me kind words today, thank you.

For those of you uninterested and ready to "Detox" me out of your life, I wish you well.

Shavua tov (have a good week in Hebrew)

Joshua

2.07 - A story about genuinely "Like"ing someone..

2010-07-09T09:37:00.000-07:00

What's new lambs?

It's Friday morning and I'm sitting at the coffeeshop next door sipping a mocha frappe and texting Facebookers back and forth... ha ha. My life is fully-interactive with my blossoming clientelle and friends.

So, this week has been a very self-revealing week. I've spent alot of well-needed time with Panda. Panda also revealed some amazing news to me that he may be being picked up for a major haircare company as an educator for their business model. I'm very excited for him. In fact, he has been invited to the Redken Symposium. That's a major deal in our industry.

As he's been e-mailng and texting and phoning major people in NYC and Nashville, I've had a lot of time to solidify my spot at my new location. So much so, that I've let a couple new additions into my life.

The owner, Janelle, is absolutely amazing and the polar-opposite of my last owner and someone who I really feel a peer connection to. Andrew has been around alot lately seeing as Panda has been in and out on business calls and will be gone again the end of this month in NYC. Wish I could go! ; )

The other night, I invited Janelle out for a spur of the moment dinner with Andrew and I. We walked down to the pizza parlor from Panda's loft (as I was house-sitting). Janelle was sitting outside. Andrew told me on the walk over, "I really like her. "

We met up and talked about absolutely nothing at all. Which is the best kind of talk to have! A part of me feels like Janelle needs that unwind with someone that truly understands things from her end. I managed the top salon in my area for three strong, amazing years and so when I hear her and listen, it's funny to see my exact habits in someone else relatively close to my age.

Andrew is very mature for his age and engages in coversations easily. So, much so, that Panda has even confessed that he just loves to listen to Andrew talk. "He has a great voice!" he confessed to me one evening... "I really like him. He's so cool, Josh."

Janelle texted me later that evening after we took a trip down from our salon to the local frozen yoghurt shop and tells me, "I really like Andrew. He's so cool!"

My evening lately have been rather chill and let me just tell you, that amazes me. I'm super excited. I've been on my quest to finsih editing the direction of my manuscript and change up my personal image a bit. I want to say that I feel like a Rockstar on weekend in the Hamptons. I adore my life right now. Even in the most negative moments, I love my life. And I've had a lot of negatively given out unlawfully to me.

The coolest part of intermingling all of my friends together has been the fact that everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) has genuinely "liked" each other. And I'm not talking in the cheesy Facebook way of "like"ing something, I'm talking genuine good comments about each other. No bashing.

For once, I feel like my life is back on track.

This morning, I had a powerful marketing meeting with my client and advertising rep about some HUGE I am going to invest in. I can't tell you all quite yet, but I'm excited and I shared this opportunity with Janelle and she gave me thumbs up, Panda had a small amount of knowledge about it and has given his thumbs up...

You know, I see him taking amazing strides in his professional life and as much as I don't want to see him move out of my everyday life, if an opportunity is beckoning him to travel and NYC or London come calling, I'm all about supporting my favourite man.

Andrew is waiting for a reply to a program at university in Denver and as much as I don't want to see him leave either, if opportunity knocks- go for it! I remember being 22 and not knowing shit. Truly. I was freshly in the middle of beauty school and had a "Dream Board" hanging in my closet and I've marked out at least 70% of that board to date... how four years changes people!

I wish the best for both my friends.. they have become main fixtures in my life, but as I've learned, the ones that love you and are eternally connected to you NEVER leave! They leave a smudge of their existance on you no matter what.. Panda has taught me to stay drive an believe in myself professionally, Nasia taught me that intergrity and art make the artist in the chair during my sessions, Andrew has taught me to not give a damn about other people's opinons, and in my short time at my new salon home, Janelle has taught me that responsibity and being organized really do matter and that sincerity really DOES prevail at the end of the business day...

and lastly, my mum taught me that trusting your gut and keeping your head held high matters most...

...and that's why I not only love each and every one of them, I genuinely "Like" (Facebook or not) each and every one of them...

Much love lambs
Josh

PS: check out josh-cooley.com

Meditation for the week that I told Panda via tex this morning:

"I am exactly where I need to be at this exact moment in my life and I know exactly where I want to go." xoxo. joshy.

2.06 - A story about an iconic new image..

2010-07-04T23:21:00.000-07:00

Hello hello lambies,

How are you this week?

It's been a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng one. Honestly. Let me just tell you, I NEVER say that, but this week was and it was defenitely taxing on a lot of different personalities.

I'm sitting here listening to a Sex With Emily podcast and finishing up a glass of wine (a German Riesling, btw). It's been an incredibly low-impact day for me. Today was the fourth of July and for many of you that pesonally know me, you may know that I don't celebrate many holidays (Independence Day being one of the them). You may even argue that I actually do celebrate Independence Day by being independent enough to say I do not celebrate and have the freedom to be unpatriotic.

Anyway, today I made a trip to the salon to refresh my colour before my photoshoot tomorrow. Tomorrow is my fourth professional photoshoot. The first of which without the HUGE salon name blasted across my business card. My last photoshoot was absolutely amazing and the pose of me tearing off my jacket has become my iconic pose.

Most celebrities have an iconic picture. For example, everyone has a picture of Marilyn gently holding her skirt down while the wind blows from underneath her. Mine happens to be slashed out in punk-glam couture re-enacting a background dancer from Gaga's "Love Game" video.

Tomorrow, the theme is a bit different. Let's just say I want the "Rockstar Stylist" moniquer to always be with me, but let's switch mindsets to a more laid-back version of who Josh Cooley really is, in fact I'll be rocking shorts, a shirt designed by Last Leaf designs (my neighbour) and Converse. Think: Rockstar on weekend or Sk8r boy meets Josh Cooley. Either way, I'm excited to be working with Kevin once again.

As I got items together as props for tomorrow, I modeled for my mum. "I needed to lost about two more pounds" I told her.

She says, "oh gawd, Joshua! Work out in the morning and call it a day."

Truth be told, I'm much lighter than my Headlines days and feeling better than ever. I am rocking almost zero love-handles. ha ha...

I really believe my last salon environment messed with my head a bit. I felt fat alot of the times and sadly, I'm not even chunky.

Goes to show you, sometimes bigger is not better.

As I sat with my mum and discussed wardrobe and the new laid-back look, we talked about Shampoo Boy. I keep trying to work on the brand more and just don't ever find time. So, I think a collaboration with Mo from Last Leaf seems fitting. I want to begin work on that next month. Look out for the new re-vamped Shampoo Boy!

As I prepare for tomorrow, I want to take the opporunity to announce that the blog (an indie blog mind you) is close to 200 hits, the josh-cooley website is close to 1,000 (it was launched in March, barely!) and the Trendsetters facebook page has grown more than 4x!

Thank you for adding Trendsetters to your online lives.

Thank you for all those visiting my blog and hitting up the website.

Remember, you can book online as well.

My goal for tomorrow's photoshoot is pictures for business cards, VIP Passes, and online marketing and maybe, just maybe, some print marketing.

Tomorrow is a big day and I have visits with Nasia and my godson Jax planned and perhaps some frozen yoghurt with Andrew.

Even though it seems like I am still a busy, busy Rockstar Stylist, I want to thank you all for allowing this Rockstar to make the transition to a more laid-back version of my best self. It's only shown me all my qualities...

PS: Panda says hi and has been busy and mum Yvonne says "thanks" for all those supporting and following her little boy.

Love you all.

Josh Cooley

To follow me on Twitter, visit twitter.com/prettyboyedu

2.05 - A story about energy..

2010-06-30T23:56:00.000-07:00

Hey lambs.

How are you?

It's about 1 am and I'm sipping coffee at my desk at my parent's home tonight. Last night, I spent the evening with Panda and it was absolutely delicious. We laughed and had moments of sheer bliss just talking and had no friction at all.

It was, honestly, one of the coolest experiences with him ever.

I felt so close to him and so taken by the fact that when he and I worked for the same company, everything turned into work and into a conflict regarding work. And now, I would say, we're on our way to phenomenal-status once again.

I think we both, kind of, needed our space. Honestly!

We probably watched the same music-video for that "Billionaire" song over and over again abou 90x and kept having moments of being 10 and 12 years old and saying to each other, "oh--- you be him... and that one's me!"

It was absolute bliss to fall asleep next to my best friend and love where I'm at in life.

...Life has been amazing.

Alot of gossip and un-necessary drama has crept it's little head into the doorway of my life, but as I was telling my salon owner and friend, Janelle, "do I look like someone who cares about what the critics in my life are thinking of me?"

No. Not really.

I have found such an amazing bond with my new salon home and only have Janelle to thank for that. As I hear more and hear more about experiences at my last salon and people I was not able to reach in time and how unhappy they are, I think to myself, "wow... what's going on up the hill?"

And then, I think: "stop being critical, Josh. You didn't like it then and it's not gonna help you now."

I had a client of mine (not able to be reached previous to pre-booked appointment) call me from my former salon and leave me a long voicemessage. In tears, crying about my absense and how she hated me not being there.

She left a messsage today at the salon and on my cell phone telling me she had cried all weekend about how she was treated and the lack of detail and attention. I even had a Facebook friend who sees Nasia happen to comment on one of my posts telling me, "some lady was in tears because you were not at Headlines."

This client of mine fed me a long story about the negative remarks made and as I thought about her story, I started to sift out all the dumb shit being said about me and the negative critiques and only heard her "want" in her voice and "need" for attention.

One thing I may be guilty of is appearing to look uninterested, but deep inside, I listen. I know who matters and I know what humbleness brings, truly.

Not one person is below me!

Not one person is above me either.

So for someone to tell my client as they sit in their chair being inproperly serviced every bad thing she possibly can fathom about me, it only made that stylist look bad and only brought tears to my clients eyes and heart...

As my heart bled for the drama to stop, I realized that my old salon NEVER let a good thing go, I simply outgrew them and re-attached my heart to my sleeve after having it brused over and over again over an extended period of time.

As I prep for my new photoshoot and marketing campaign photos on Monday, I realize it's not about the shot Kevin gets on film, it's about the image I've projected to so many at all those sessions all these years behind the chair and realize that my heart is BIG and that there is room for so many and for so much ambition and dreams.

One thing another stylist cannot offer my guest is the invested interested and genuine attention we share for one another and as I strike a pose on Monday, 15 lbs less and 3 shades darker with my line-eyes and dewey bronze skin, I realize, it's not about the eyeliner, it's the energy being projected...

You all make it possible.

You, my salon lambs reading, Panda and even the stylist that will never be me.

Hearts,

Joshy.

To book your signature service, go to: http://www.josh-cooley.com/

To follow me on twitter, go to http://www.twitter.com/prettyboyedu

PS: "Pretty Boy Education" manuscript will be previewd in September!!!

2.04 - A story about being written out of a story..

2010-06-28T02:23:00.000-07:00

Good morning lambs,

How was your weekend? Mine was, well, overbooked. Ha ha. In a very good way.

On Saturday, I was super busy at my new location and came to my parent's estate to change and get settled before taking my mum to attend a party for one of my VIP A-List Salon Lambs and as I sat to rest for a second, my blinking eyes solidly sealed shut into nap land and then took a detour to sleephood.

At around 11 pm, I awoke to see no one in sight in the living room, TV still on in the kitchen and silence through out the house. It all dawned on me, "damnit! I missed my party."

Had it been 9 pm, I still would have attended. Being 11 pm and still needing to dress for the occasion, I sent my A-Lister an apology and explanation via Facebook only to realize hours later how much I was missed and to be honest, it felt good to hear I was missed. I did, however, feel like I dropped the ball royally. It all sounded so amazing and spectacular and to my dear friend and good client Brandy, thank you for understanding. You rock and I value you like no other. We'll hook up for lunch soon, that, I can promise you!

As I sit her at 3:30 am on Monday morning, I have settled down a bit after listening to some Gaga via internet and paying both personal and professional businessman bills and stare of into candlelight and laptop light and think about all the things and people I'm grateful for.

These last few weeks have been spectacular as I welcomed many new faces in my life and said a much needed "au revoir" to others.

Yesterday afternoon was the birthday party for my dear godson Jaxton and it felt good to see him so excited over everything he was being given. He was so attentive for such a young age! And as I watched his eyes light up over the goodies being given and observed the amount of people there visiting this special blessing in my life, I began thinking, "why don't we greet our dyas like that?"

Why can't we have little wonders every day?

Why can't our eyes light up like Jax's every time we see someone?

I began to think of all the positives in my life including my kick-ass supportive mum and dad. Nasia, my best friend who has seen me through good and bad times and Panda who I have an undying respect for. My salon lambs have graced me with gifts and so much knowledge and respect. It's such an honour to truly love what I do and have a newly revamped appreciation for the art of respecting the individual and creating a look for them. My love of art, electronic music and fashion thrills me as I plan my day and then it all comes back to moments of purity for me, like watching Jaxton giggle over the ball pit I bought him for his birthday.

For one instant, I wanted to be 1 years old in the ball pit playing next to him. Enjoying his pressence.

One person that has really stepped up when so many have stepped out of my life is my good friend Andrew. The other night, out of the blue, he text me and asked me if I wanted to go out for frozen yoghurt. I haven't had that in years!

The night turned into a really fun evening of just hanging out and talking about absolutely nothing at all. We had lunch earlier in the week, so a second outing seemed like a bit much I thought, but hanging out with him has proven so much for me. I would have NEVER been able to do that before!

As I summed up my time with Nasia at the party and she filled me in about things at my former salon home, she mentioned people's disliking my blogs. It's such an old non-issue and unnecessary drama to hear about (which she later apologised for bringing up).

She told the girls, "Josh has been BLOGGING for YEARS! Even before he worked here! Way before I knew him... it's what he does."

My mum's reply was, "you're a writer."

My reply, "people enjoy reading them and I'm NEVER rude or demeaning."

I'm sure there has been stuff that made people cringe. But for alot (maybe including you reading this) it's simply, a story.

And when people don't like reading about themselves, I simply write them out of the story. It's kind of a sad thing, you know? Who would want to be written out? Not me!

So, as I hop back on Facebook and look at the contacts in my Blackberry and re-think some of the things I've said in the past, it makes me think of writing a few negative nancies out and opening up my life for more positive forces.

So, with that said.. I have to wish my favourite "Monster" in the world a happy birthday once again.. and remember what it was like to have the gleam in my eyes and embrace all the good things coming my way, everyday.

As for all the negative boys and girls out there griping about my blog- you're simply being written out of the story.

I'll miss you, but it's been fun.

Hearts,

Joshua Ryan.

Follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/prettyboyedu

or check out my website http://www.josh-cooley.com/

2.03 - A story about going underground..

2010-06-21T22:50:00.000-07:00

What's up lambs?

It's your favourite pretty boy here up at 11:51 PM, sipping on some limeade and getting ready to hit the shower and turn in, but before that, I thought I'd blog abit.

So, it's been quite a couple weeks. Comprising what a 60-hour work-week was into 30-hours a week has actually been kind of nice! I'm excited to see how all this turns out. I took some time on Saturday to visit my old salon and as it turns out, I don't really miss the environment. Truly! In fact, I may have gotten out in the nick of time. I'm not a big cheerleader and right now looks like their implementing alot of "team"-like stuff and I simply would have been rolling my eyes i the corner. More and more I see why I made the move I did and why it was so goddamned needed. (Excuse my g.d.)

So, with this new found love for Joshua Ryan. I have taken alot of time to work out at the gym! Yes, I am at the gym ..like... alot! I've been tanning again and getting lots and lots of compliments from my salon lambs and acquaintances...

"you look so rested!"

"you seem so calm"

"you look happier"

"I'm glad you moved"

Wow! Was it really showing that bad, lambs?

I take it, yes.

With the newly rejuvenated me, I have taken the liberty to enjoy my time given with my guests and really "listen" and spend time with them. It's so super important to me that they understand they are the ONLY thing on my brain! Truly.

I feel like my work here in a more intimate, smaller studio, allows me to do that. With the new image, comes a new visual image in my marketing, I'm thinking to echo the more laid-back boy Josh I'm used to being, the cards and promotional material should actually suppor that vibe. My photoshoot is a couple weeks away and I have been working out and tanning all in the hopes of scoring the PERFECT shot!

Think sk8r boy meets the punk version of me... yep... pink hair will be back, eyeliner, black nails and well, shorts, and silk-screen independently designed shirts.

My love for all things local has brought me to support the t-shirt shop next door to our salon called Last Leaf. At Last Leaf, Mo, the owner/designer, personally designs and silk-screens each design. I'm in love with my yellow shirt that is so see-thru, you can see my nips (LOL-- it it were wet) and so breathable with the photocopy of a pistol or revolver. A newly purchased yellow shirt I have has a silk-screen image of horn-rimmed glasses and a girl with mascara-ed eyelashes... yep... that's a me all the way, a pair of sk8 short and some converse makes for a great photo sessions with the unforgettable Joshua Ryan.

I'm really excited to present this image to all of you.

In reading and editing my book, "Pretty Boy Education", I'm thinking of writing my transition into the plot of the book... what do you think? I think it would be the perfect twist ot my memoir of a Rockstar Stylist.

Just because I left a 3,500 sq. ft salon does not mean I'm not as successful at a 1,000 sq. ft. salon! In fact, I'm MORE succesful. I've become more underground and found myself again: I'm more true to myself in the downtown neighbourhood of indie t-shirt shops, alternative cafes and self-made Rockstars stylists, designers, and artists..

The more I wake up early and spend more time downtown, I realize, I have found out what made me a Rockstar Stylist in the first place: I have always played the track my OWN way without any interference. And generally, when someone interfered, I was not happy with the finished product.

So, with that, I leave you with a smile and a peck on the web-cheek til next blog and stress to you: BIG is not always BETTER, sometimes UNDERGROUND keeps us GROUNDED and reveals more of who we really are on the inside...

Hearts xoxo.

Josh

PS: Above is a REAL design by Mo from Last Leaf Designs located next to my new location, Trendsetters Hair Studio, drop in and tell him Josh sent you! visit http://www.josh-cooley.com/ or follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/prettyboyedu

2.02 - A story about trusting your gut and finding an entourage..

2010-06-19T09:07:00.001-07:00

Good morning lambs!

What? Good morning!! Yes, for once I'm blogging in the morning.

I'm sitting here sipping a cup of coffee at the kitchen table, Blackberry sitting next to me, and listening to Food Network in the background.

It's so funny because today is a Saturday morning and it has been (seriously) years, since I've stayed home on a Saturday. All I can tell you right now is that I feel "rested".

Since my disconnection with my former salon team almost two weeks ago, I've had a wonderful time showing off the new space to my guests and growing my business with some fresh faces in the mix. The next step in my life is getting my ideas out of my head and put on paper or set into action.

For once in my life, I don't feel boundaries or "standards" put on me by someone else.

The last week and a half has been inspiring, with my friends all commenting on how I'm back to normal and fun and seem less stressed. The sad part of the last weeke and half is that even though I have seen my friends, it seems like I haven't. I saw Nasia about a week ago and played with Jax, my godson, and discussed his birthday. Panda has been spending alot of time with company and out of town and Andrew is working PrideFest in Denver this weekend (go, Andrew! yay!)

The week has been full of a meetings that I actually had time for. Like, a meeting with my designer and a meeting with my photographer discussing the new image. Part of the new image has been lots of working out on my behalf and lots of time for updates online and working on the book, Shampoo Boy, etc.

Even though it may sound like I have alot of time on my hands, that's not totally the case, I have been booked since I left!! I remember the last words from the salon owner telling me, "you're not established! You'll never retain a guest there."

Well, I have... and I've done even better working less hours and maximizing my time.

I slashed 60 Hours into 30 Hours and came out ahead.

Funniest part? I'm happier.

I may being taking it all solo, but man, I've found a HUGE entourage of people supporting my decision to seperate from a large-salon and have found that sometimes BIG name does not always make BIG success. Integrity does... taking chances does.. having a heart does.. listening to my gut does.

Thank God I trusted my gut this time around and thank you all for making it a successful decision.

xoxo.

Josh

check out the NEWLY re-vamped website http://www.josh-cooley.com/

follow me on twitter at http://www.twitter.com/prettyboyedu

2.01 - A story about a castle up the street and a cabin in the forrest..

2010-06-11T00:27:00.000-07:00

Greetings lambs,

Greetings?

Yes, greetings.

It's about 1:30 am and I'm sipping a cup of detox tea after I finished a 32 oz bottle of Vitamin Water and working out. Thank goodness I took a shower shortly after because my spray tan I had applied today was turning viciously orange. Pretty, but a little too Middle-Eastern in hue. LOL.

Anyway, as you may have read (or may not have read) from my Facebook or texts or through just knowing me, I made a huge transition in my life. Okay, let's correct that: a SHOCKING transition in my life. I resigned, okay, another correction, quit my position as salon manager/soon-to-be creative director/rockstar stylist/make-up artist position at a very renowned salon in my area to work at a salon that is at least 3x less the size and 5x less the traffic. Bold career move? Yes. Expected? No.

From previous blogs, you may have gotten the undertone that I have not been happy at my salon home the last couple of months. Sad things is, I'm passionate about what I do. In fact, my passion and devotion to my salon lambs may have been the only things that saved me from myself or possibly going insane.

My best friends were constantly being brought up into the mix of back-room gossip and my life was publicly chasticed by many noteable figures in my environment. With that said, I emotionally built myself a wall, a cell with bars and shut myself off completely from the team. Completely.

The last four days of last week were the hardest. I did not want to talk. I did not want to look a single soul or even play music. That's hardcore! It was beyong emo! Beyond irrate! So angry that I literally felt crippled. As I shopped for salons in my head, I realized that down the street and up a turn or so was a salon I've had my eye on for a while. The owner is genuinely nice and in my age range. The salon is about 1,000 sq. ft. and remind me of Panda's loft. The vibe is young like when I first found hair and fell in love with my bff Anthanasia and the chatter in the backroom is non-existent.

My name? Very well known. The salon owner's reaction to this bold move? She was complimented. "Josh, you are master! You are so educated and so awarded in this industry. What a compliment to have you on our team!"

That simple excitement was all the validation I needed and I knew that afternoon I would leave my castle up the road for my cottage in the forrest.

As I prepared (in my head) to leave, I said to myself, "don't tell a soul".

I told a friend and told my parents my ideas, they agreed. A day later, my friend said go for it, my mom and dad were divided. "Do you think the timing is right? Why don't you see if things blow over..."

Nope. Three years has been long enough and two months of unhappiness is enough.

With intentions of staying the week, I prepared myself and my guests for my departure. As I turned in my letter of resignation, my bff couldn't believe it! Panda couldn't believe it! The staff couldn't believe it! In fact, one staff member asked, "you're actually going through with it?"

Yep.

A day later, I get a phone call telling me that legal action will be taken against me if I take my guests. I never took a single thing... I won my guests hearts through the principles I practiced from day 1 of doing hair: generosity, integrity, passion and education. They all led to my success and popularity. Those of my guests that did not understand me or don't wish to seek me out simply don't get me. That's understandable. Josh Cooley is not for everyone. I would think integrity mattered at the end of the day. And the last couple of months, I found myself questioning my own integrity in the surroundings at work and the people involved in my professional life. With the acception of Nasia and Panda, I didn't really have a connection within the last few weeks and I know they're in my hearts, text messages and daily lives forever. So no worries, so, as I typed my letter and make the decision, I realized I was walking out of the dark and into the Light.

I suddenly woke up and realized that I want to have an intimate experience with my guests. I want my guest to matter and I want to dedicate ALL MY time to them when I'm in my creative space. I realized that I do not need 60 hour weeks to be happy. I want to work more like 30 and be an artist.

It's not about the numbers for me. I did however go Platinum more than any other stylist! I was not the most popular according to the sources, but my last two months I've landed in the top 3 financially and my last week I was THE top stylist.

I don't need a brand name to make me. I made me. And that's when I realized that my new image had set in and that the old one didn't matter.

As I sum things up, I want you all to know I miss my famly at the castle up the street, but my cottage in the forest is lovely and acccomidating.

My photoshoot is going to be amazing for the new business cards and promo packs and I'm finally living the life I knew I could without the judgement and constraints of others interfering. And for once, I realized, a day off, makes it all feel better..

And at the end of the day, a life full of love and pocket full of dollars didn't amount to shit, it was the integrity and decisions you made that shaped how you loved and how you spent those dollars..

INTEGRITY + GENEROSITY = PASSION + EDUCATION = SUCCESS ...

Peace,

Josh Cooley

to book with me at my new location, visit http://www.josh-cooley.com/

1.13 - A story about two years later..

2010-05-31T02:12:00.000-07:00

Good morning lambs!

It's about 1:30 on Tuesday morning and I'm sipping a cup of Dunkin' Donuts coffee over my laptop at Casa de Cooley. So, get this, yesterday morning around 3 am, I wrote the entire blog entry I was about to post and as I went to hit "save", I hit "delete" in it's place.

Not cool at all.

I guess that means that as good as the blog was, it wasn't meant to be. And as I began to think, in frustration, and then in silence and after a couple of breaths, maybe, just maybe, it was a good call that I hit delete. Yes, I believe it was a Divine intervention, if you will, as not to satire my life more than I needed to or to trangress against one particular person, so, that is that.

So, what I wanted to start off with was to tell you, I went out Sunday evening with my mum and saw the second installment of "Sex and the City" and (of course) I loved it. And of course I identified with none other than the Divine Carrie herself.

What a narrator!

What a character!

How does one fictional entity become so relateable to so many across not only New York City, but across this country and across the world? Candace Bushnell could not have seen that wave of success coming from a small press paperback first published in 1996. (I was 12, btw) -- what did I know about sex?

The movie is so funny as it takes place with Carrie saying, "two years have passed".

What's funny is that exactly two years ago in May when the original movie came out, my best friend, Nasia and I had ventured out for a day of cocktails and 'Sex..'

I think about me and her two years ago and it's funny how we have changed so much like the characters in the movie.

She was in a downward spiral of a relationship (actually in the middle of throwing her boyfriend out at the time) and was just beside herself: though she loved the man. I hated him. He was so into his work and personally I felt he was so verbally abusive to Nasia. Always telling her she wasn't giving 100%, when the M.F. himself didn't invest any love or validation into their four-year fling.

I was, at the time, spending lots of my time with Nasia and still establishing a clientele and was doing educational work for American Crew in Denver. What a long way we've come in two years.

Two years ago: me and Nasia texted constantly- in the car, at each other's houses, at the salon. I had no problem helping her with her clients or establishing the fact that I was not a completely booked artist. I also wore zero eyeliner at the time.

Now, "two years have passed" (excuse my inner Carrie), Nasia is happily married to a man that loves her and gave birth to my godson Jaxton who will be having a first birthday this month! She's not in the salon 100% anymore, but is one hell of a mama!

I, on the other hand, have exploded, dubbed myself a "Rockstar Stylist", began doing educational work for CHI and am busier than ever finishing up my manuscript this month and have a few new additions to my life: I have Panda, for one. Who is my shining star and #1 validator, my biggest fan and someone I love with all my heart and have all my salon lambs, my website, twitter, a whole online community and a few new projects in the works. All this work!

Where is my Nasia? Where is what we had two years ago? (you'll see where I'm going with this)

So, in the movie, Charlotte and Carrie have a very under-rated tension between the two of the them. Charlotte is obviously overwhelmed at home with two kids and Carrie, after the release of a new book about marriage is at a point with Big where things look a little, shall we say, stale.

Big suggests to Carrie he take two days away a week as a break from Carrie after she explodes and runs off to her old apartment to work on her freelance work for Vogue. Charlotte looks at this as a sign of a "bad marriage".

As I saw the tension grow between what Charlotte views as marriage and Carrie views as a good marriage, I saw the parrallel between Nasia and I now (two years later).

I often run home to Casa de Cooley three to four days a week when I'm not spending time 'living the dream' with Panda in his downtown loft. I saw the same parallel of Big proposing break time to Carrie as Panda did a few weeks back when my life was too much to handle and said, "I need my space".

In the end, Carrie and Big are always going to be Carrie and Big and Big always saves the day as the bigger man just as Panda saves the day for me- all the time.

Charlotte and Carrie have a slightly hurtful moment between the two of them when Carrie snaps, "you just don't get it" or simply looks down in discord at Charlotte's opinion of her. I do the same alot when Nasia voices an opinion of me.

The main thing in the movie is seeing how each character has aged physically and internally. Miranda quits her high-demand, no-validation job and is FUN for a change. Samantha is battling menopause, but the same fiesty Samantha, but Carrie has a little bit of an "air" about her.

She defenitely has changed from the girl that we grew to love in the dirty apartment overlooking an empty New York street. Carrie is very CB2 or Giada DeLaurentiis with a little money and Big in her pocket.

I saw her and saw a huge portrait of me. I've been accused of acting strange lately or changing or acting "different" than I used to and realized, yes. Everthing Panda has told me about ego and space is true. Everything Nasia told me about changing is true and everything all my friends have said about me being overwhelming- yes, that's true too.

I saw Carrie's change and Carrie's progression in myself and saw Big and Charlotte as Panda and Nasia. Although, I'm not romantically involved with Panda, the characterization of him as my rock and foundation in my life now speak volumes. He's the "night in shining army", if you will, and the ever-strong, ever going business man on top of his game and very well put together and set in his ways.

Today, I went shopping for Panda's birthday. Today, is in fact, his birthday and I have a small, exclusive party planned for him on Saturday evening. Just cocktails and close friends. He means so much to me and as I look at him as a huge part of my "sequel" (two years later), I realize how important he and Nasia are to me and how they will never ever ever leave my story.

Nasia is expecting baby number four this December (she announced last month) and I'm planning Jaxton's first birthday with her and even talking baby names for the new addition to my life.

I think to myself as a changing Carrie, yeah, I've changed, but we all have.

I think it's for the better. I think it makes a great story and I know deep in my heart a story full of these above listed invididuals is all I've ever wanted and that even though Carrie had an attitude and was a little Divalicious in this film, her friends never gave up on her. Big never gave up on her and they certainly NEVER gave up on each other.

So, with that, lambs, I leave you with this quote I saw on Facebook a couple days back (when I deleted the original blog):

'Never give up on something or someone that you cant go a day with out thinking about'

That's Nasia.

That's Panda.

That's my career.

That's all of you reading.

And that is certainly, me.

xoxo -- happy birthday panda.

joshy.

1.12 - A story about platinum living and it's aftermath..

2010-05-27T00:53:00.000-07:00

Hello my lambs!

How are you? It's roughly 2am on Thursday morning and I'm sitting up in my family's home. Everyone is either out of town or ignoring my phone calls. --haha. Well, at least, I think they're ignoring my phone calls.

It's been a week since my crazy ordeal last Thursday and all I can say is that things between my friends and I are crazy. Both are very busy with their own lives, but all of us have somehow kept distance from each other. Not fun.

I talked to Panda a couple times this evening who hasn't felt well recently and took some time to visit him mum out of town. Panda's birthday is coming up on Tuesday and as I find myself excited, I find him not as excited. I asked him, "what do you want for your birthday? I want to plan something extra special!"

He replied, "Josh, I'm just thank ful for my family, friends and to be alive."

I'm like, "but of course, you want something, right?!?"

At the end of the day, I see how humble this individual is and realize why I'm so blessed to have him around. I also see, after all the talk of he and I spending time together why people are so rude in their judgements with me lately as well. Is it funny to say that I feel alot of jealousy from peers recently?

For a while now.

But jealousy is defenitely the word.

The other night as I tried to talk with a close friend about my harassment and hate crime situation, she angrily snapped and replied, "how foolish, babe."

Foolish?

"I think you're burning all your bridges with your friends and associates. No one would want to do business with a trouble maker or troubled-person like yourself."

That was the first time I'd ever been labled either and, truly, it made alot of sense to me why she'd say that and after a few seconds I became very offended that the fact that my friend just passed judgement on me and basically through that comment washed her hands of me.

It was depressing.

It was incredibly un-inspiring.

As I thought about it on they way home that night, I though to myself about Panda and Andrew and how they both were there the evening of my altercation and how Panda stood up for me and has been shunned due to the fact by a couple peers and how Andrew was harmless in the situation and just kept asking me, "what's the matter?" and told me not to worry.

Alot of this has surged through my brain as I've seen clients, read your Facebook messages, tweets, e-mails, etc asking about my safety and expressing your amazing sentiments at this time. All of these things have influenced he direction of my manuscript in which I'm more than half-way through and writing chapters about the person about and my own best friend and having to re-evaluate there roles now versus when I first got into the industry: which is what "Pretty Boy Education" is all about.

The book, although, not complete, is rounding out nicely and with a schedule set for completing the draft and submitting it in September, I find myself wanting to write the sequel and planning the sequel of my life after this book is being passed around the editing table at the publisher's office.

I found out alot about myself re-reading my book thusfar and making edits. From someone who has been at the bottom and worked my way up and been through personal drama and stilll grew my business: it's lonely on the top. Classic line. But true.

As I make way to (hopefully) recieve my either (yes, eighth!) Platinum certification this month, I realize all those records don't count for all the friends and associates that have left me through the time of building my business, but for every one of those eight records, I can certainly name someone special at that time in my life...

So, I ask myself this: is it okay to take a break from multi-Platinum status and work on being Josh and work on all my projects or do I keep investing in this lifestyle that fuels the rumour mill and creates envy?

Lots on the brain this week, lambs. Stay tuned for next week.

xoxo.

Josh

Shout outs:

thank you to Leon for being my rock.

thank you to Brandy, Karleen and Trish for your amazing e-mails.

thank you to Cyndi for coming all the way from Nebraska to see me.

thank you to Franny for your undying love.

thank you to Colleen for listening.

thank you to Michelle for making me feel special always and rocking it 60s style.

thank you to Brandy #2 for your new friendship and witty comments

thank you to Rickie for "liking" all my Facebook posts.

and thank you to Andrew, for your silent face and undying kindness.

peace-

Joshua Ryan

1.11 - A story about hate and acceptance.

2010-05-23T23:49:00.000-07:00

Greeting lambs!

It's almost 1 am on Monday morning and I just realized I totally forgot to blog mid-week. This week was another incredibly busy week for the talents of yours truly as well as many happening between my friends and I and another week of making us aware, well, making ME aware of my treatement of others and how I act and what adjustments I need to make to better evolve into the person I want to be one day.

So, this last week, I definitely, had a moment of learning when to shut the eff up. Truly. I was incredibly tired and shut down when I was talking to Panda. I made his so angry, we barely talked all night and went our separate ways. The next morning, we talked like normal and I enjoyed lunch with a Rockstar client of mine and her entourage that included two amazing friends and her incredible daughter.

I haven't had so much fun being "Josh" recently, but Brandy totally reactivated why I love people and why I love people with integrity, sincerity and compassion in their hearts.

That evening as I settled in at my famliy's home and took a break from being downtown Josh in home #3 (more on that in later blogs), I recieved a call from my friend Andrew, he wanted to go out, but much later. I was totally down for that and figured that my mood swings around Panda are maybe tested by the fact that I spread myself too thin. So, the change in company was something I thought about for a minute, but after a wonderful sushi dinner with my family, I cam home and began to get ready for the evening with Andrew.

As I got essembled, Panda called me.

"Are you coming over tonight?"

"No" I replied.

He was dissapointed, I could tell. He had already called me during dinner and I took his phone call and was super happy to hear from him. As I listened to his phone call and began to speak, he said, "Josh...please."

Please, what? I thought.

"Please just listen..."

The next twenty-five minutes were a wonderful praising of who I am as a person and why he values me. He also stressed the fact that there is a BUT.... in most sentences.

And what does BUT mean?

(it's some trivia from some of you, I'm sure)

BUT signifies room for improvement.

Yes. I need to improve. Truly.

Ego has got to go! For sure. My way of talking to people needs to improve. I agree. I am a brilliant artist and designer behind the chair with a fierce personality, but sometimes it takes me overboard, that's totally, not cool.

That evening I went out with Andrew, alot of bad things happened. I valued my time with Andrew, but the vibe was different at the bar. Alot of staring, alot of remarks, alot of leud comments about my sexuality and my friends was made and alot of pointing and rudeness overall.

As I edit this in my brain now, I realize, there's so much I can't tell the general public about that evening except for the following: hate is vicious.

Hate is evil.
Hate is unnecessary.

The only way you will get the Heaven, my dear friends is through acceptance and the people talking about me and the attempted physical attack on me on Thursday night freaked me out because of the following: 1) I was not drunk, 2) I was pointed out in a crowd, 3) I need to accept others.

I know that's vague, my friends, but let me just say, I learned to love my Panda and Andrew more that night for sticking up for me. After all, I am a bit of a bitch and rather snobby, that has to change moreso because I wish to be a person in the position of power in the near future and my credibility cannot be waivered.

I was the target of gay bashing for not only mixing with gay friends, but for thinking I could bring my life into the open, only to realize: now is not the time.

The sad part: that afternoon I was planning Panda's birthday party and right now, I do not want to make myself noticed to the public nor hurt our relationship as friends and business associates. So, I decided to veto public appearances and have reserved the right to a VIP, non-disclosed birthday fete for him a few days after his birthday.

I'm not happy that I had to tone this down, but I have to. My friends mean so much to me and their safety and reputations and credibility cannot be injured due to my loving to go out, at least, not in P Town. It's too small here to be accepted.

So, with that said, alot of down-time will be approaching, I can feel. Which, gives me the opportunity to put the finishing touches on my manuscript and have it shopped to publishing houses in the fall. On top of that, I'm thinking of taking my personality and writing to the next level. Not in a bar, but on paper for a local magazine in the form of a column. The idea and meeting is still in the works and non-official, but I would love the opportunity to talk beauty, fasion and image with a more bohemian, accepting audience.

Lastly, the chance to embark upon an adventure to The Domincan Republic has emmerged in late August set for the same timing as my birthday.

Lots of stuff besides dwelling on the hate my friends and I endured this past week.

One thing I've learned is that the more successful you become, the more you feel lonely. It's a classic case of being lonely at the top. But one thing: I found my love from all my friends and the super important individuals in my life. And to them, I owe my love for keeping me safe and protecting me from harm's way.

This week, hug someone you forgot about or have tossed aside and to all those you have gotten comfortable with: watch your tone! You don't want to lose them because when situations get ugly, they'll be the ones that save you.

In a very vague way, thank you for reading.
xoxo.
Joshua Ryan.

To follow me on Twitter, please visit http://www.twitter.com/prettyboyedu
To view my personal wesite, plesae visit http://www.josh-cooley.com/

and PS: I love you for reading and would love some prayer or mediations. June is gonna be rough.